Where Are All The Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Vigilante Strikes Again"A vigilante takes down trafficing rings.
15 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
You are an excellent writer. You seem to know your subject well. I hate to think of innocent being victims of sex traffic rings. I am looking foreward to reading more when you post again.
Beth
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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You are an excellent writer. You seem to know your subject well. I hate to think of innocent being victims of sex traffic rings. I am looking foreward to reading more when you post again.
Beth
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and your lovely compliment. It's heartwrenching to think these children are going through this every day, right under our noses too.
Thank you again for all your help, support encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I'm still wondering if the guy is innocent or guilty, and leaning toward innocent. Of course, with you driving the action that could change in a hurry. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Well, I'm still wondering if the guy is innocent or guilty, and leaning toward innocent. Of course, with you driving the action that could change in a hurry. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for such a marvelous review. You think he's being framed do you, he might be. A former lover getting revenge for something he did or didn't do.
Thank you again for reading my story, all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great story!
Noticed a few typos you might want to look at:
"What can you tell us?" Toni takes a quick look around. Their presents (presence) seem to have stirred every living being on this side of town.
The officer beside him quickly adds, "Forencics took the clothes he was wearing to the lab"(lab.)
"The ME found toxins in his blood indicative of a heart attack. According to his body temperature, lividity, and rigor (, she believes he died...). She believes he died somewhere between one and four. She also said his wounds, the hanging was all done postmortem."
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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This is a great story!
Noticed a few typos you might want to look at:
"What can you tell us?" Toni takes a quick look around. Their presents (presence) seem to have stirred every living being on this side of town.
The officer beside him quickly adds, "Forencics took the clothes he was wearing to the lab"(lab.)
"The ME found toxins in his blood indicative of a heart attack. According to his body temperature, lividity, and rigor (, she believes he died...). She believes he died somewhere between one and four. She also said his wounds, the hanging was all done postmortem."
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for catching my mistakes. It looks like I should've taken a lot more time editing. I didn't read it as many times as I normally do obviously.
Thank you again for all your help, support encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
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You're very welcome.
I also make lots of mistakes that others see, but I don't. We can help each other.
Comment from Sugarray77
3rd para... misspelled presence... In the para that starts.. I was doing laundry... he raises his ..hand.. to his head. Perfume... Chanel... last para... the tense does not match...the only deposits made (are) his SS checks... withdraws seem.
A very vivid and poignant writing with a lot of clues and circumstantial evidence. It will be fun to see how this develops. Well done, Misty.
Melissa
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reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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3rd para... misspelled presence... In the para that starts.. I was doing laundry... he raises his ..hand.. to his head. Perfume... Chanel... last para... the tense does not match...the only deposits made (are) his SS checks... withdraws seem.
A very vivid and poignant writing with a lot of clues and circumstantial evidence. It will be fun to see how this develops. Well done, Misty.
Melissa
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for such an encouraging review and for catching my numerous mistakes. I can't believe I missed so many. This story has two parts. One is the investigation and the other one is Anna. She's giving a speech about her life as a trafficked child.
Thank you again for all your help, support, friendship, and encouragement. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from lancellot
This is an interesting chapter. I'm not sure what amount of police procedure realism you're going for, so I did not critique that element of the chapter.
notes:
Their [presents] seem to have stirred every living being on this side of town.
-should be: presence
He raises his [head] to the back of his scalp.
- Do you mean: hand
"[Forencics] took the clothes he was wearing to the lab()"
-Should be: Forensics
- add period
The man gulps [as] then nods.
- should be: and
"The way the [captain] reads I'd say they came from a trafficking site."
- should be: caption
The ME found [toxins] in his blood indicative of a heart attack.
- I think you mean: proteins
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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This is an interesting chapter. I'm not sure what amount of police procedure realism you're going for, so I did not critique that element of the chapter.
notes:
Their [presents] seem to have stirred every living being on this side of town.
-should be: presence
He raises his [head] to the back of his scalp.
- Do you mean: hand
"[Forencics] took the clothes he was wearing to the lab()"
-Should be: Forensics
- add period
The man gulps [as] then nods.
- should be: and
"The way the [captain] reads I'd say they came from a trafficking site."
- should be: caption
The ME found [toxins] in his blood indicative of a heart attack.
- I think you mean: proteins
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for such an extensive review. I can't believe I missed so many mistakes. Guess I need to slow down, not get into such a hurry. You mentioned the realism of my police procedure, what would you suggest with that?
Thank you again for all your help. It's greatly appreciated. It's how I learn and grow as a writer.
