The Lonely Loon
Minute Poetry14 total reviews
Comment from trimple
Good afternoon, Mystery poet.
What a fine poem this is about the lonely Lune bird, looking for his mate in the reeds.
I really did enjoy this most splendid write and wish you every luck in the contest.
kind regards
trimple
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Good afternoon, Mystery poet.
What a fine poem this is about the lonely Lune bird, looking for his mate in the reeds.
I really did enjoy this most splendid write and wish you every luck in the contest.
kind regards
trimple
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much Trimble!!
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Truly a most splendid read.
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Awww... you have made my day!
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I'll be looking out for this one,
Comment from TommyWrites
This is a very interesting minute poem you have written here.
There is something slightly mystical at the start, and leads me along.
I really like how you paint a picture/story with it. It was-is, very enjoyable, and slightly mysterious in a way. Maybe it's just the picture...nevertheless, this is a great poem!
Good luck,
TommyWrites~
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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This is a very interesting minute poem you have written here.
There is something slightly mystical at the start, and leads me along.
I really like how you paint a picture/story with it. It was-is, very enjoyable, and slightly mysterious in a way. Maybe it's just the picture...nevertheless, this is a great poem!
Good luck,
TommyWrites~
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much Tom!
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow writer, a terrific day to you. I enjoyed your poem, it had a nice flow to it and the rhymes were good. I think you did a great job on the writing prompt.
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Hello fellow writer, a terrific day to you. I enjoyed your poem, it had a nice flow to it and the rhymes were good. I think you did a great job on the writing prompt.
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Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mystery Author,
You capture nature quite well with this minute poem. If there's one call that represents nature, it's the loon. Up at our cottage on the Washdemoak, when I laid my head down on the pillow, and turning off the lamp into pitch black night, I'd listen to the late-hour loons warbling on the lake. And then I'd be asleep.
My favorite line,
"Along the edges of the dawn"
the weakest line,
"floats all around"
I have one suggestion for you, in the last verse:
"He searches for her in the reeds
aquatic weeds,
unending quest
reveals her nest." ... I suggest,
(He searches for her in the reeds,
unending weeds,
aquatic quest
reveals her nest.)
Some nice alliteration as well,
"lonely loon"
"dense, dampened"
Very close to six stars, I enjoyed your entry in the Minute Poetry contest.
Thanks for sharing. We just sold our cottage earlier this month, and your poem brings back fond memories. I'm just too old to care for two properties anymore. I'll miss it, but it's a load off.
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Hi Mystery Author,
You capture nature quite well with this minute poem. If there's one call that represents nature, it's the loon. Up at our cottage on the Washdemoak, when I laid my head down on the pillow, and turning off the lamp into pitch black night, I'd listen to the late-hour loons warbling on the lake. And then I'd be asleep.
My favorite line,
"Along the edges of the dawn"
the weakest line,
"floats all around"
I have one suggestion for you, in the last verse:
"He searches for her in the reeds
aquatic weeds,
unending quest
reveals her nest." ... I suggest,
(He searches for her in the reeds,
unending weeds,
aquatic quest
reveals her nest.)
Some nice alliteration as well,
"lonely loon"
"dense, dampened"
Very close to six stars, I enjoyed your entry in the Minute Poetry contest.
Thanks for sharing. We just sold our cottage earlier this month, and your poem brings back fond memories. I'm just too old to care for two properties anymore. I'll miss it, but it's a load off.
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Hello there Kimbob!! I am so glad you stopped by to review this one. I was hoping you would. I loved your suggestion in the last stanza and have made the changes! Thanks so much :). I am glad you thought it was close to six stars... that is as good as getting one!! I am sorry you sold your property, but certainly understand that upkeep can just be too much! Glad you liked it! Fondly,
