Jacko And The Thunder Box
(573 words) The sound of thunder brings back memories.22 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
First, remind me never to be around you during a thunder storm!
I enjoyed that you told the story with down-home charm, so it came across as something a family member would tell at a family gathering. That leant it a truth and believability, and made it easy to visualize the characters you described. The story itself is cute, and written with your earthy sense of humor. Don't think I missed your little touch of alliteration ("wattle branches whipping against the walls"). I also appreciated the use of local slang and colloquialisms, and their explanations. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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First, remind me never to be around you during a thunder storm!
I enjoyed that you told the story with down-home charm, so it came across as something a family member would tell at a family gathering. That leant it a truth and believability, and made it easy to visualize the characters you described. The story itself is cute, and written with your earthy sense of humor. Don't think I missed your little touch of alliteration ("wattle branches whipping against the walls"). I also appreciated the use of local slang and colloquialisms, and their explanations. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thanks for reviewing. Another reviewer said it reminded him of a tall tale from the Ozarks. (The story came 2nd in the contest.)
I am going away for the weekend - I'm currently doing a Maori arts and culture course and our class has a weekend expedition planned to go and stay together at a small coastal settlement and practise flax weaving and storytelling - learning some of the legends.
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Congratulations on your second-place win. Your weekend trip sounds wonderful. For the first time in years, we haven't gone anywhere this year, not even overnight, so I'll be living vicariously through you. Have a great time - for both our sakes! 😀
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I'll write about it when i get back.
I hope you enjoy your own weekend!
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Thanks. I'll look forward to hearing about your weekend. Enjoy!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I did not expect the ending. I was thinking with the sky blackening that the powerful storm would either hit the house or Jacko would be swept away by wind, rain or lightning. Nope, the ending was a blast in more ways than one.
Well done in the descriptions and making your characters breath life.
Thank you for the entertaining story.
Good luck in the contest.
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I did not expect the ending. I was thinking with the sky blackening that the powerful storm would either hit the house or Jacko would be swept away by wind, rain or lightning. Nope, the ending was a blast in more ways than one.
Well done in the descriptions and making your characters breath life.
Thank you for the entertaining story.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
Comment from palmart
What a Story! Well written with plenty of descriptions that paint the narrative, alternating and making reading somewhat funny. I found several words that were out of "my daily dictionary" of words but they came from Australia`s expressions. Thank you very much for describing and providing detailed explanations on them. Last part, the description of explosion, is funny and the details of the fact helps in stealing a reader`s smile while imaging such boom.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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What a Story! Well written with plenty of descriptions that paint the narrative, alternating and making reading somewhat funny. I found several words that were out of "my daily dictionary" of words but they came from Australia`s expressions. Thank you very much for describing and providing detailed explanations on them. Last part, the description of explosion, is funny and the details of the fact helps in stealing a reader`s smile while imaging such boom.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
Excellent entry for the
Thunderous Days writing prompt contest.
I like your funny story about a man out in a storm using the funny. LoL
You followed the rules of the contest. I think you will do well in the contest.
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Hello, my friend,
Excellent entry for the
Thunderous Days writing prompt contest.
I like your funny story about a man out in a storm using the funny. LoL
You followed the rules of the contest. I think you will do well in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written serious but humorous story about the storm and thunder box that nearly landed on Mars but luckily the old man make it out alive to tell the story of the century.
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A very well-written serious but humorous story about the storm and thunder box that nearly landed on Mars but luckily the old man make it out alive to tell the story of the century.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good Lord, Lisa!
What a hoot!
It is a dark cold morning here in Traverse City.
I was feeling a bit "under the weather" when I began reading your offering.
Not any more!
What an absolutely delightful rendering.
Loved the situation, characters, and especially the dialogue!
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Good Lord, Lisa!
What a hoot!
It is a dark cold morning here in Traverse City.
I was feeling a bit "under the weather" when I began reading your offering.
Not any more!
What an absolutely delightful rendering.
Loved the situation, characters, and especially the dialogue!
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Hahaha... glad I could brighten your day - as you have mine, with your terrific review.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Jacko and the Thunder Box, is a well-told and hilarious tall tale which reminds all of us who have ever used an outhouse of the perils of riding out an exploding fart.
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This story, Jacko and the Thunder Box, is a well-told and hilarious tall tale which reminds all of us who have ever used an outhouse of the perils of riding out an exploding fart.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from poetwatch
It is well name, LisaMay. :) Thunder box, a place to relax from the rumble of an overworked stomach. :) Yet, I like your way of naming it. A flying fart to remember. This is a good entry for the Thunderous Days contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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It is well name, LisaMay. :) Thunder box, a place to relax from the rumble of an overworked stomach. :) Yet, I like your way of naming it. A flying fart to remember. This is a good entry for the Thunderous Days contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Those flying farts can be dangerous. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Wils
You make me homesick with this story. I could picture Jacko on the outside loo and feel his "explosion." You might want to go into author's notes and explain the meaning of Struth, not sure if a majority of readers would know. Great job.
Geoff
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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You make me homesick with this story. I could picture Jacko on the outside loo and feel his "explosion." You might want to go into author's notes and explain the meaning of Struth, not sure if a majority of readers would know. Great job.
Geoff
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Thanks for your review, Geoff. I'm pleased this is not a common occurrence! Another reviewer told me how much this story's humour reminded him of tall tales from the Ozarks in USA. Some people find toilet humour not particularly funny but I w3as chuckling while I was writing this, and I knew what was going to happen!
Good point about explaining Struth. I'm the type to look things up for myself if I don't understand something, but some people prefer it spelled out for them.
Comment from Mia Twysted
Oh my, I was laughing at the end of the story. That would be a sight to see in real life. My family has a cabin in PA and there is an outhouse there. I am never using it in a storm again. You have given me a new fear lol
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Oh my, I was laughing at the end of the story. That would be a sight to see in real life. My family has a cabin in PA and there is an outhouse there. I am never using it in a storm again. You have given me a new fear lol
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Thanks for your high rating of my story. I'm pleased it got you laughing. I was chuckling while i was writing it... and I knew what was going to happen. Poor Jacko. I'm sorry if I've traumatised your toilet habits!
