Kaleidoscope
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Lake"sketches
6 total reviews
Comment from estory
I think the stage directions are good, it is all well defined and we get a clear idea of the scene and who is saying what. Maybe give some more detail of how they are dressed to give us a little better visual. We get some of the playful personality of these two. The sadness of the widow comes through at the end. estory
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2020
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I think the stage directions are good, it is all well defined and we get a clear idea of the scene and who is saying what. Maybe give some more detail of how they are dressed to give us a little better visual. We get some of the playful personality of these two. The sadness of the widow comes through at the end. estory
Comment Written 31-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2020
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Thank you I will try to polished soon:)
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is an interesting script. As I read it was like a story unfolding.
Noticed one typo:
Every time I am sad, I came here to restore my energy and will to life. (live.)
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This is an interesting script. As I read it was like a story unfolding.
Noticed one typo:
Every time I am sad, I came here to restore my energy and will to life. (live.)
Comment Written 31-Aug-2020
Comment from lyenochka
Glad you are trying scripts, Iza! I think it would help to start with a Cast of Characters. I didn't quite know who Angel was and if he had another name. The story comes across clearly as we read the dialogue but it might help to have a little introduction. That's my only suggestion. I wonder what will happen next...
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Glad you are trying scripts, Iza! I think it would help to start with a Cast of Characters. I didn't quite know who Angel was and if he had another name. The story comes across clearly as we read the dialogue but it might help to have a little introduction. That's my only suggestion. I wonder what will happen next...
Comment Written 31-Aug-2020
Comment from royowen
Probably what you need to do is look at Judiverse (Judy) latest script and you will learn what to do, this is probably a prose-like story than a script, Or Lynochka, does a good, great attempt Iza, well done, blessings Roy
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Probably what you need to do is look at Judiverse (Judy) latest script and you will learn what to do, this is probably a prose-like story than a script, Or Lynochka, does a good, great attempt Iza, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
Comment from Fonda Little
Mistakes I found, "ANGEL IT'S GOING FOR A SWIM,", change IT'S to IS
"I don't know who where you were trying to impress, but you almost drown that day.", take the word where out and change drown to drowned.
"I am so happy I was here to safe you.", change safe to save.
"ANGEL DISSAPEARS, LETTING LINDA WATCHING THE LAKE", change DISSAPEARS TO DISAPPEARS and change WATCHING to WATCH.
The Lord led me to this verse after I read this,
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Mistakes I found, "ANGEL IT'S GOING FOR A SWIM,", change IT'S to IS
"I don't know who where you were trying to impress, but you almost drown that day.", take the word where out and change drown to drowned.
"I am so happy I was here to safe you.", change safe to save.
"ANGEL DISSAPEARS, LETTING LINDA WATCHING THE LAKE", change DISSAPEARS TO DISAPPEARS and change WATCHING to WATCH.
The Lord led me to this verse after I read this,
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your corrections there are much appreciated, and also thank you for taking a chance one this piece.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(let her feet dangling s/b dangle; Angel it's going s/b is going; for ever s/b forever; you almost drown that day s/b drowned; here to safe you s/b save; lake it's magic s/b is magic; will of life s/b will to live; why you took him s/b why did you take; help me improved it s/b improve.)
Touching--original take on a script! Good luck. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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(let her feet dangling s/b dangle; Angel it's going s/b is going; for ever s/b forever; you almost drown that day s/b drowned; here to safe you s/b save; lake it's magic s/b is magic; will of life s/b will to live; why you took him s/b why did you take; help me improved it s/b improve.)
Touching--original take on a script! Good luck. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much Liz, for your prompt review and corrections:) you are the best.
