Where Are All The Children
Viewing comments for Prologue "Run, Child Run"A vigilante takes down trafficing rings.
17 total reviews
Comment from KatyM
Hey there, You have been busy! I need to catch up on reading this book. I decided to get back on here. So my question is, are you on the free version of FanStory or are you on the one where you pay the 9.99 a month? Just curious. I was on the 9.99 a month but had to cut back on stuff for a while. I missed being on here. So i am coming back. Now I need to get caught up on reading stuff on here. I had 50 emails on here sine I was gone. lol
James went bowling this morning and will be off today and tomorrow. He works Christmas day as does Kristina. So we will have our Christmas dinner tomorrow night instead of Christmas. Well, leftovers. I am getting it from Cracker Barrel. Let me hear from you. I miss your messages!
All is well over here. Some of my ornaments haven't made it this year. Thanks to having Roxie and Bundy(Kristina's puppy who is 6 months old)
Cute as can be.. He is as big as Roxie and they have the best time playing with each other. Will write more later. Need to get my socks and shoes on to get ready to go. We are going to go eat lunch when he is finished with bowling.
Hope your writing is going well. Mine as gone downhill this past month. Maybe I will be able to pick it back up in 2021. I hope so! ttyl katy
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2020
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Hey there, You have been busy! I need to catch up on reading this book. I decided to get back on here. So my question is, are you on the free version of FanStory or are you on the one where you pay the 9.99 a month? Just curious. I was on the 9.99 a month but had to cut back on stuff for a while. I missed being on here. So i am coming back. Now I need to get caught up on reading stuff on here. I had 50 emails on here sine I was gone. lol
James went bowling this morning and will be off today and tomorrow. He works Christmas day as does Kristina. So we will have our Christmas dinner tomorrow night instead of Christmas. Well, leftovers. I am getting it from Cracker Barrel. Let me hear from you. I miss your messages!
All is well over here. Some of my ornaments haven't made it this year. Thanks to having Roxie and Bundy(Kristina's puppy who is 6 months old)
Cute as can be.. He is as big as Roxie and they have the best time playing with each other. Will write more later. Need to get my socks and shoes on to get ready to go. We are going to go eat lunch when he is finished with bowling.
Hope your writing is going well. Mine as gone downhill this past month. Maybe I will be able to pick it back up in 2021. I hope so! ttyl katy
Comment Written 23-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2020
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I'm so glad you're back. 50 huh, you have a lot of reading to do, lol. It doesn't look like there's a free version, at least I didn't find that option.
Mike is off this year, first time in I don't know how long. We're going to have Christmas here. Noting big. I'm going to try my hand at lime Jello again. I can never get it quite right, nothing like mom's. Maybe I should have her walk me through it when we're over there, hmm. That and fudge are two things I can not make. My fudge is good, but runny, takes two days to set up, I think. It usually doesn't last that long, but I'm guessing another day and it would probably be good. We didn't put a tree up not with the cats and pupper stuff.
I figured what one doesn't get the other will. Mom got us a ceramic one piece tree that lights up. No dangling parts to entice my little beasts,lol. The garland we'd hung up, the cats were playing Tarzan on it before we put the staple gun up. I'm so glad Roxie has found a playmate. I'm sure Willow and the cats are too, lol. Maybe not, the two might gang up on them, lol.
Your writing has been going downhill cause I haven't nagged you. Been slacking on my job. All is fine here. I get to see my Great Granddaughter Christmas eve. I can't wait. Cristina made me a grandma at 33.
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I only saved your stuff and deleted everything else. lol
Yeah, I missed hearing from you as much. Just not the same on email. lol
Well, guess i will go and read my book i am reading right now and go to bed. ttyl
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Riveting horror as we know it involves a child! This is the prologue so it looks like we will now learn the back story.
My only critique is that this is a nine year old child and some of the words, although I like them, might not be a child's voice? Such as... vile, malicious, debris and so on.
I am looking forward to this dear child's story.
Night creatures' cries echoes... "echo"
My eyes water my nose begins to itch. (punctuation is off)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2020
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Riveting horror as we know it involves a child! This is the prologue so it looks like we will now learn the back story.
My only critique is that this is a nine year old child and some of the words, although I like them, might not be a child's voice? Such as... vile, malicious, debris and so on.
I am looking forward to this dear child's story.
Night creatures' cries echoes... "echo"
My eyes water my nose begins to itch. (punctuation is off)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my story and your helpful review. Would it help if I upped her age to twelve?
Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
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Just think HOW a child would talk. Did you talk like this at 12? I remember I wrote a piece - loved the writing - and someone pointed it out to me. I agreed with them, but I don't think I changed it much as it was just a poem. Your book is going to be long and if you want to publish it then it needs to have that consideration I think. I can't help but think how these things do happen in parts of the world - one lady I know was raped multiple times fleeing a country in Africa for a UN refugee camp. Took her two years. She finally made it to USA after 20 years (!!) in the camp. She had three babies (all from rape) and now she is in the USA with them and SO thankful. She never complained, always had hope. I think of her when I have "problems"
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You're asking me to think 43 years back, lol.
So instead of changing age or dialogue, I added this. Whispers echo through the auditorium waiting for the program to begin. The overhead lights dim. The crowd grows quiet. A petite woman walks to the center of the stage. She's wearing an off-white silk blouse and maroon slacks. Her long, black hair is pulled into a bun at the nape of her neck highlighting her round olive face, and large hazel eyes. She takes the microphone from the stand and says, "300, 000 children are trafficked each year and I was one of them. Through the grace of God and a lot of support, I was one of the lucky few who survived." A picture of her pops up on the screen behind her. "This picture was taken a few weeks before my abduction. I'd just turned twelve." A sorrowful look crosses her face. Gazing off into the distance she begins again. "I remember the horrid night like it was only yesterday."
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Very nice! I can?not wait to read more. And it?s an intriguing idea to think we can go back and forth in this story with now and the past.
Comment from Mia Twysted
Wow, that is a hell of a beginning. I was hoping for a new piece about granny for it seems likes it has been awhile since I last saw her. This is captivating and drew me right in.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2020
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Wow, that is a hell of a beginning. I was hoping for a new piece about granny for it seems likes it has been awhile since I last saw her. This is captivating and drew me right in.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.I'm hoping this story will raise awareness, possibly save a child's life. I'm afraid Granny is still enjoying her retirement, but I'm sure her old bones will become restless soon.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
My goodness, Misty! That was hair-raising! To think little girls and boys have this happen to them. Breaks my heart. This is going to be a horror story, I can tell that already. But, one thing I know, it has to be told. It doesn't just happen in war-torn countries, but in our own countries, and even in our own towns. There are some sick people in this world. Well done, your first part was terrifying! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2020
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My goodness, Misty! That was hair-raising! To think little girls and boys have this happen to them. Breaks my heart. This is going to be a horror story, I can tell that already. But, one thing I know, it has to be told. It doesn't just happen in war-torn countries, but in our own countries, and even in our own towns. There are some sick people in this world. Well done, your first part was terrifying! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 31-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. It is a sad reality, innocent babies falling into the hands of a sick pervert. You're right, it's happening everywhere with the USA being one of the major countries. 300,000 children are trafficked each year.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I hate to keep repeating myself and I'm sure you are tired of hearing it, but I'm just amazed from when you first came to FanStory to now. Your descriptions put me right into the mix and let me feel like I'm part of the story. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2020
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I hate to keep repeating myself and I'm sure you are tired of hearing it, but I'm just amazed from when you first came to FanStory to now. Your descriptions put me right into the mix and let me feel like I'm part of the story. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic, encouraging review. Knowing you felt like you were a part of the story is the greatest compliment of all.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mistydawn.
This is a very grim story about a young child in part of the world where the criminals control the streets and most everything else.
Your writing technique in this story, as far as descriptive goes, is well done. I just dislike the circumstances because it is a disturbing narrative.
You effectively created the sense of dread in the little girl with her thoughts and feeling of inevitability.
I know those countries and those events exist. It is a shame but things like that happen in the real world.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Hello Mistydawn.
This is a very grim story about a young child in part of the world where the criminals control the streets and most everything else.
Your writing technique in this story, as far as descriptive goes, is well done. I just dislike the circumstances because it is a disturbing narrative.
You effectively created the sense of dread in the little girl with her thoughts and feeling of inevitability.
I know those countries and those events exist. It is a shame but things like that happen in the real world.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for your insightful review. It is a very disturbing subject. The thought that these children are being treated this way. It's not happening in just foreign land it's happening here in the states. I'm hoping I can raise awareness, educate, give them a voice, save a child's life.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's really scary, because I know it really happens in some places. Little girls are sold into brothels, and boys become child soldiers or slaves. It makes me wonder what is wrong with humanity.
Catholic needs a capital C.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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That's really scary, because I know it really happens in some places. Little girls are sold into brothels, and boys become child soldiers or slaves. It makes me wonder what is wrong with humanity.
Catholic needs a capital C.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for catching my mistake. It does happen every day. Innocent babies that should be protected fall into a preditor's hands. The sick perves are people you'd least expect.
Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from royowen
I have an eight year old granddaughter who I adore, I can't imagine her in this situation, and I don't really like the idea of her innocent self being captured like this, poor kid. You managed to build up a lot of tension, in this horror story, well done, Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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I have an eight year old granddaughter who I adore, I can't imagine her in this situation, and I don't really like the idea of her innocent self being captured like this, poor kid. You managed to build up a lot of tension, in this horror story, well done, Blessings Roy
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. It's horrid to think children are kidnapped from schools, their own back yard, and forced into a trafficking ring, but it happens every day. Over 300, 000 are trafficked each year. The majority live here in the states. The people who you wouldn't imagine doing this, people in authority ones many trusts are the ones who run the biggest criminal rings. I'm hoping this story will raise awareness, educate, save a life.
Thank you so much for all your help, support, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
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Well done
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I always get excited when I see you've got another story. I like your use of juxtaposition in the setting; such opposites. I got goose bumps in the first paragraph. And "goosies" as JLo calls them, are a good sign. You method for a back story is effective. The description of the church door is brilliant. You are becoming such a good writer. This ending opens up all kinds of possibilities. Definitely A+ work.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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I always get excited when I see you've got another story. I like your use of juxtaposition in the setting; such opposites. I got goose bumps in the first paragraph. And "goosies" as JLo calls them, are a good sign. You method for a back story is effective. The description of the church door is brilliant. You are becoming such a good writer. This ending opens up all kinds of possibilities. Definitely A+ work.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic, encouraging review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. That I gave you goosies. That statement in itself means so much. I was thinking about adding a vigilante in. Someone who exposes the trafficking ring, but now I'm wondering if I should make it all about Anna. What do you think?
Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
I see that you are writing another novel; it sounds frighting.
My how left me feeling the horror the child was so afraid of.
Mistydawn,
I'm just wondering if a child of nine, could speak of the horrific drama she is experiencing so well?
Gert
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Hello Mistydawn
I see that you are writing another novel; it sounds frighting.
My how left me feeling the horror the child was so afraid of.
Mistydawn,
I'm just wondering if a child of nine, could speak of the horrific drama she is experiencing so well?
Gert
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. It's going to be frightening and heartwrenching. I'm hoping to raise awareness, get more people to notice the trafficking signs, speak up when they see them. Save a child's life. I will recheck her dialogue change it around.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
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You are so welcome Mistydawn
Gert
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Would it sound more realistic if I made her 11 or 12?
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Yes Mistydawn
I say 13 or 12 would sound better than nine years old. I pick 13 year old. Being that age she understands better the situation she is in, will help her
decide what to do.
Gert
