Opening The West
This is what my piece of history would look like26 total reviews
Comment from zanya
A very enjoyable read enabling the reader to take a peek backwards into another time - a very different time -out in the midst of nature -good dialogue
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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A very enjoyable read enabling the reader to take a peek backwards into another time - a very different time -out in the midst of nature -good dialogue
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. You honor me with six stars. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about how the author would want his piece of history to be as a free hunter in the mountains where money have no worth.
Typo in first paragraph
what the (the) poster had said.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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A very well-written story about how the author would want his piece of history to be as a free hunter in the mountains where money have no worth.
Typo in first paragraph
what the (the) poster had said.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thanks for the catch. I went back and fixed it. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Lennie Conrad
This is a well-written piece with a fascinating premise, but I think the pioneer landscape is too expansive to capture in only 350 words. I like the twist at the end but the buildup to get to it was a bit too rushed. I think the story could be enhanced by focusing more on the scrambled thoughts the narrator had while he succumbed to his violent fate. Otherwise I did enjoy the story.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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This is a well-written piece with a fascinating premise, but I think the pioneer landscape is too expansive to capture in only 350 words. I like the twist at the end but the buildup to get to it was a bit too rushed. I think the story could be enhanced by focusing more on the scrambled thoughts the narrator had while he succumbed to his violent fate. Otherwise I did enjoy the story.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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This was a 300 word flash fiction contest entry.
Comment from Sally Law
Oh dear, not for me. However, I do enjoy the friendlier outdoors. A great little flash for the contest. It had wonderful flow from beginning to end with rich descriptions. My brothers would leave for the wild for weeks and return unrecognizable. They'd chase me down with whiskered faces for a hello kiss. Yuck.
{One small improvement for your consideration.} Really, my copy editor would say this, unrelenting. Spell out "Grizzly." I hope this helps. No worries if not.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the contest,
Sally :))
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Oh dear, not for me. However, I do enjoy the friendlier outdoors. A great little flash for the contest. It had wonderful flow from beginning to end with rich descriptions. My brothers would leave for the wild for weeks and return unrecognizable. They'd chase me down with whiskered faces for a hello kiss. Yuck.
{One small improvement for your consideration.} Really, my copy editor would say this, unrelenting. Spell out "Grizzly." I hope this helps. No worries if not.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the contest,
Sally :))
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you Sally, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from RodG
I would love to have joined that special breed--the Mountain Man--in the Rockies in the early 1800s, but I don't have the physical moldings or the skills. I think his party would have headed northwest up the MISSOURI, not the Mississippi. It's hard to tell this boy's story in only 350 words and that last scene is too sudden.
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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I would love to have joined that special breed--the Mountain Man--in the Rockies in the early 1800s, but I don't have the physical moldings or the skills. I think his party would have headed northwest up the MISSOURI, not the Mississippi. It's hard to tell this boy's story in only 350 words and that last scene is too sudden.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Was there something wrong that I need to fix that you gave me a four star rating?
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Please reread the last two sentences of my review.
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I fixed the river. I'm sorry you didn't like the ending that was the way I chose because of the 350 words.
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Just a suggestion, but next time focus on a SINGLE scene and not try to tell his whole story.
Comment from equestrik
WOW! Except for the ending, I was enamoured by the pristine life in the mountains. I think in this line you meant grew: hair brew long. I live in the Rockies-I am fortunate.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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WOW! Except for the ending, I was enamoured by the pristine life in the mountains. I think in this line you meant grew: hair brew long. I live in the Rockies-I am fortunate.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
