Can Not
A poem dedicated to my mom..6 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
This is quite good, J and you traveled a lot of experiences with your own mother and how your point of view changed when you became a mother yourself.
You do have a distinct rhythm and rhyme to your write, but because of your presentation it isn't immediately evident.
My suggestion is to increase your font size and organize your lines something like this:
Since I can recall, I was a happy little girl
with dreams that were as big as my whole huge heart,
But then something happened that I could not control,
and around 14 that same girl started to fall apart.
That said, I enjoyed this very much so keep writing. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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This is quite good, J and you traveled a lot of experiences with your own mother and how your point of view changed when you became a mother yourself.
You do have a distinct rhythm and rhyme to your write, but because of your presentation it isn't immediately evident.
My suggestion is to increase your font size and organize your lines something like this:
Since I can recall, I was a happy little girl
with dreams that were as big as my whole huge heart,
But then something happened that I could not control,
and around 14 that same girl started to fall apart.
That said, I enjoyed this very much so keep writing. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Thank you!! Much appreciated!!! <3
Comment from Edward Escobar
A well written piece of heart that is very tender, strong and the reality of life's struggles and I felt all that deeply. A mirrored reflection of past and a strength ahead. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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A well written piece of heart that is very tender, strong and the reality of life's struggles and I felt all that deeply. A mirrored reflection of past and a strength ahead. Best of luck.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Thank you!! Much appreciated!!! <3
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A beautiful commentary of where you've been and how it has shaped you into the person you are today! ;) I would suggest, however, that it seems to be a bit more like a collection of statements that would be a wonderful prose offering rather than a poem... Moms are such important people to us! ;) Thanx for sharing! ;)
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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A beautiful commentary of where you've been and how it has shaped you into the person you are today! ;) I would suggest, however, that it seems to be a bit more like a collection of statements that would be a wonderful prose offering rather than a poem... Moms are such important people to us! ;) Thanx for sharing! ;)
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Thank you!! Much appreciated!!! <3
Comment from gramalot8
I like your storyline in your poem . It was, however for me,a bit rambled from subject to subject. I also felt it a little off on the rhythm and glow. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it being a tribute to your Mothet.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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I like your storyline in your poem . It was, however for me,a bit rambled from subject to subject. I also felt it a little off on the rhythm and glow. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it being a tribute to your Mothet.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Thank you!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We have to forgive ourselves for being young and insensitive and hope that our parents understand and many do not. I enjoyed your dedication here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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We have to forgive ourselves for being young and insensitive and hope that our parents understand and many do not. I enjoyed your dedication here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Thank you!!
Comment from Ben B.
You really gave this one your all. Writing down your life's joys, miseries, and comforts isn't always easy to go through but it always shows when your heart is in it. You're mother would be proud to see this.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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You really gave this one your all. Writing down your life's joys, miseries, and comforts isn't always easy to go through but it always shows when your heart is in it. You're mother would be proud to see this.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Thank you!! And I did share it with her too!!! :) Much appreciated!!! <3
