Bicycle Built for Two
A rhyming poem with no poetic style40 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
A humorous wee poem, but you seem to have got the prompt the wrong way round. The contest calls for a poem with rhythm, but no rhyme (or at least no rhyme scheme). You have given us a piece with plenty of rhyme (although not in the traditional line ending way), but no discernible rhythm.
Steve
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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A humorous wee poem, but you seem to have got the prompt the wrong way round. The contest calls for a poem with rhythm, but no rhyme (or at least no rhyme scheme). You have given us a piece with plenty of rhyme (although not in the traditional line ending way), but no discernible rhythm.
Steve
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Steve, thanks much for your review and comments.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is quite a hard task to introduce rhythm with no rhyme scheme and you managed to crack it here with your poem which is amusing and poetic and a thoroughly good read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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This is quite a hard task to introduce rhythm with no rhyme scheme and you managed to crack it here with your poem which is amusing and poetic and a thoroughly good read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Dolly, I am smiling back. Thank you...now if I can get meter down ....LOL
Comment from Gloria ....
Author, you have most neatly met the rhythm requirement of this prompt contest. While you have some rhyme it is internal, so ergo not really a rhyme scheme as the contest also requires.
I get quite a charge out of the levity here and it sounds like some Keystone Cops adventure.
Great job and a pleasure to read and review today.
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Author, you have most neatly met the rhythm requirement of this prompt contest. While you have some rhyme it is internal, so ergo not really a rhyme scheme as the contest also requires.
I get quite a charge out of the levity here and it sounds like some Keystone Cops adventure.
Great job and a pleasure to read and review today.
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Gloria, surprisingly harder than I thought it would be. LOL
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Welllll... This was a really fun and highly entertaining piece of poetry -- but I'm a little afraid it may not make the cut for this particular contest's requirements.
As I understand it, this unusual contest asks for posts that are poems with some kind of rhythm but that do not have any kind of rhyme scheme. Weird, right?
As I read through your contribution I noticed that, by the end of the first line, you had already inserted internal rhyming with the phrase 'sassy lassie'. More internal rhyming follows in line two -- but then you even have END rhymes in lines six and seven. (people/steeple)
You continue in this fashion throughout the piece, with internal AND external rhymes - neither of which are allowed, right??
But, also -- the piece should be striving for a regular, rollicking rhythm and I don't feel you quite reach that.
I would recommend going for something more like:
*
Have you ever seen my busy lassie?
The girl with auburn-colored locks?
Her steel-blue eyes are cold, yet scorching;
but what a groovy way to die...
*
I hope you'll see what I mean -- hahaha -- even if you hate my (quite creative!) example. *smile*
Thanks for listening. I hope you'll get what I mean beneath all this... Good luck!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
Welllll... This was a really fun and highly entertaining piece of poetry -- but I'm a little afraid it may not make the cut for this particular contest's requirements.
As I understand it, this unusual contest asks for posts that are poems with some kind of rhythm but that do not have any kind of rhyme scheme. Weird, right?
As I read through your contribution I noticed that, by the end of the first line, you had already inserted internal rhyming with the phrase 'sassy lassie'. More internal rhyming follows in line two -- but then you even have END rhymes in lines six and seven. (people/steeple)
You continue in this fashion throughout the piece, with internal AND external rhymes - neither of which are allowed, right??
But, also -- the piece should be striving for a regular, rollicking rhythm and I don't feel you quite reach that.
I would recommend going for something more like:
*
Have you ever seen my busy lassie?
The girl with auburn-colored locks?
Her steel-blue eyes are cold, yet scorching;
but what a groovy way to die...
*
I hope you'll see what I mean -- hahaha -- even if you hate my (quite creative!) example. *smile*
Thanks for listening. I hope you'll get what I mean beneath all this... Good luck!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Roby
Comment from Ben B.
This is a good poem and quite actually a little funny. The poem reads to the reader which I actually quite enjoyed. But there is something I don't understand: how is she peddling a bicycle for two by herself? You didn't mention anyone else.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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This is a good poem and quite actually a little funny. The poem reads to the reader which I actually quite enjoyed. But there is something I don't understand: how is she peddling a bicycle for two by herself? You didn't mention anyone else.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Ben thank you!
Comment from Boogienights
love, love, love this! Very funny and has a great rhythm as the contest requires. An imaginative story, with a great ending. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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love, love, love this! Very funny and has a great rhythm as the contest requires. An imaginative story, with a great ending. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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I am smiling back, thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your contest entry. Even with a strict rhyme scheme, your poem reads well with a good beat. I like the examples of internal rhyming. The ol' timey look of the image is a great match.
Thanks for sharing. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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I enjoyed your contest entry. Even with a strict rhyme scheme, your poem reads well with a good beat. I like the examples of internal rhyming. The ol' timey look of the image is a great match.
Thanks for sharing. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Jan, thank you!
Comment from Ben Colder
I have not heard something like this in a long time. I was thinking about the song Daisy.
The twenties and thirties must have been something to appreciate compared to this day.
Best to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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I have not heard something like this in a long time. I was thinking about the song Daisy.
The twenties and thirties must have been something to appreciate compared to this day.
Best to you in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Ben, I am showing my age clearly, LOL
Comment from Therese Caron
A fun, happy poem reminding me of that old song about a bicycle built for two. Well written, I love the line about the "dandy". Such wonderful old language! I love the image also. Great poem!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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A fun, happy poem reminding me of that old song about a bicycle built for two. Well written, I love the line about the "dandy". Such wonderful old language! I love the image also. Great poem!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Smiling back, thank you!
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, I loved it and your poem made me smile all way through. I'm sure it will do very well in the contest. It's so gracefully written and quite funny to boot. Good luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Hi there, I loved it and your poem made me smile all way through. I'm sure it will do very well in the contest. It's so gracefully written and quite funny to boot. Good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Ulla, smiling back, Thank you for the good wishes!
