The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The Gift of Life"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
14 total reviews
Comment from elchupakabra
It's what you're going to do with it, Miss Taylor. If we don't make it-you take your life. Things be better in heaven then what they will make you live through. I got my ole Henry to keep me company." (missing quotation to open)
And just when I thought it was the price of our heads, a young brave handed him a buffalo robe. (remove and, not required)
The women knew how to smile, a trait that seemed illusive for the men. (elusive)
But I admired how they carried themselves with a sense of purpose and unity. (remove but)
There are some minor edits that are needed to clean it up but I like the story thus far. I'm stepping into the middle of the book but still, the characters are well defined and I was able to catch up for the most part. The one thing I'll say is you need to elaborate the conversation at the end between Jane and Jake, it's this huge thing that is built up but they discuss it very matter of factly in less than 30 seconds before the girl with the baby shows up. Good work overall and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
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It's what you're going to do with it, Miss Taylor. If we don't make it-you take your life. Things be better in heaven then what they will make you live through. I got my ole Henry to keep me company." (missing quotation to open)
And just when I thought it was the price of our heads, a young brave handed him a buffalo robe. (remove and, not required)
The women knew how to smile, a trait that seemed illusive for the men. (elusive)
But I admired how they carried themselves with a sense of purpose and unity. (remove but)
There are some minor edits that are needed to clean it up but I like the story thus far. I'm stepping into the middle of the book but still, the characters are well defined and I was able to catch up for the most part. The one thing I'll say is you need to elaborate the conversation at the end between Jane and Jake, it's this huge thing that is built up but they discuss it very matter of factly in less than 30 seconds before the girl with the baby shows up. Good work overall and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
Comment from Melodie Michelle
EXCELLENT story! The characters interact nicely together and the storyline is creative and interesting;-)
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family;-)
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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EXCELLENT story! The characters interact nicely together and the storyline is creative and interesting;-)
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family;-)
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thanks for your encouraging review and the blessings!
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;-)
Comment from Ben Colder
Wow! Very nicely done. I regret not having a six.
You did this very well and the reader is beneath the big stars as drama appears in the distance.
I was thinking of the Parker girl- the mother of
chief G-Parker.
Interesting story u have penned.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Wow! Very nicely done. I regret not having a six.
You did this very well and the reader is beneath the big stars as drama appears in the distance.
I was thinking of the Parker girl- the mother of
chief G-Parker.
Interesting story u have penned.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Somehow, I missed thanking you for this. I've been saving others who give me editing help to go back and fix knits. This is very much appreciated. Stan
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Like a chicken eating corn, they jump on my work wishing to rewrite the thing. LOL.
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Don't send them my way. I like to make changes and need the help, but not a rewrite. LOL
Comment from To Write Is To Live
I've always been attracted by the rugged, indomitable spirit of the settlers in the old west, braving starvation, harsh weather, unfriendly Indians and dealing with the undiscovered country all around them. I liked the way your story opened with Jake and Redhawk meeting the Chief and his braves, not knowing whether or not their encounter would be tragic or peaceful. The detail about Thad offering his pistol to Jane to kill herself in case of inevitable capture was unexpected, and added a sense of realism to the story.
The encounter with the blonde kidnapped squaw at the end of the chapter made me want to turn the page--who's squaw is she, and who is the father of the baby? Perhaps one of the braves encountered earlier in the story?
Thank you for writing and sharing, "The Gift of Life."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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I've always been attracted by the rugged, indomitable spirit of the settlers in the old west, braving starvation, harsh weather, unfriendly Indians and dealing with the undiscovered country all around them. I liked the way your story opened with Jake and Redhawk meeting the Chief and his braves, not knowing whether or not their encounter would be tragic or peaceful. The detail about Thad offering his pistol to Jane to kill herself in case of inevitable capture was unexpected, and added a sense of realism to the story.
The encounter with the blonde kidnapped squaw at the end of the chapter made me want to turn the page--who's squaw is she, and who is the father of the baby? Perhaps one of the braves encountered earlier in the story?
Thank you for writing and sharing, "The Gift of Life."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thanks so much. I'm sorry I missed this and had it sandwiched with some friends who give me editing help on the chapter that I saved. So appreciate your in-depth review and thoughts!
