Lazy Morning Playtime
When it's just the two of us...20 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I like the way the poem describes the effect of the laughter as "rippling 'cross my abs" and that the lips are "soft" and smiling hints at mutual enjoyment. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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I like the way the poem describes the effect of the laughter as "rippling 'cross my abs" and that the lips are "soft" and smiling hints at mutual enjoyment. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 3-5-3 Passion writing prompt.
This verse sets the mood for passion very well.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the 3-5-3 Passion writing prompt.
This verse sets the mood for passion very well.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you!!
Comment from Colin John
Hi, I can feel the passion lol, nice 3-5-3 writing prompt and hopefully added with the flames of love will do well in the competition,nicely put together albeit brief. Cheers Colin
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Hi, I can feel the passion lol, nice 3-5-3 writing prompt and hopefully added with the flames of love will do well in the competition,nicely put together albeit brief. Cheers Colin
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you!!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of your eleven syllables in this well-deserved PRAISE of two of the most beneficial things people can do--smile and laugh. Seriously, it's been proven.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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You have made excellent use of your eleven syllables in this well-deserved PRAISE of two of the most beneficial things people can do--smile and laugh. Seriously, it's been proven.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written 3-5-3 passion poem about finding time on a lazy morning to play around starts with warm laughter and soft lips looking up with a smile, there is no resistance.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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A very well-written 3-5-3 passion poem about finding time on a lazy morning to play around starts with warm laughter and soft lips looking up with a smile, there is no resistance.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
Comment from oliver818
Nice poem, I enjoyed reading it. It has a nice feel to it and flows well. I particularly enjoyed the use of the imagery to describe the smile as rippling across lips. Thanks for and have a great day
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Nice poem, I enjoyed reading it. It has a nice feel to it and flows well. I particularly enjoyed the use of the imagery to describe the smile as rippling across lips. Thanks for and have a great day
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
Comment from The Death
You managed to capture nice moments between two lovers. Excellent word economy as you have used each syllable well. Fine presentation as well. Good luck!
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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You managed to capture nice moments between two lovers. Excellent word economy as you have used each syllable well. Fine presentation as well. Good luck!
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
Comment from Ben B.
You almost have it; but your poem is a 3-5-4. That will probably disqualify in your contest. ð???
Let's tweak that last line a little:
She smiles
She's smiling
That smile...
Smiles spread
Soft smiles...
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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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You almost have it; but your poem is a 3-5-4. That will probably disqualify in your contest. ð???
Let's tweak that last line a little:
She smiles
She's smiling
That smile...
Smiles spread
Soft smiles...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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???? The last line is:
soft lips smile
that IS three syllables.
soft (1 syllable)
lips (1 syllable)
smile (1 syllable)
I do not need to 'tweak' it as there is no FOURTH syllable. I would ask that you please revise your rating as the error is on your part not mine. Thank you.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Well done. I love the image in the picture and the image portrayed in the poem. I can almost visualize the passion. You expressed a lot in a few words.
What's the function of "~"?
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Well done. I love the image in the picture and the image portrayed in the poem. I can almost visualize the passion. You expressed a lot in a few words.
What's the function of "~"?
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
A beautiful poem about the healthy and holy laughter that can change our perspective on earth. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings .
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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A beautiful poem about the healthy and holy laughter that can change our perspective on earth. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings .
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you bunches!
