The punishment
Someone else12 total reviews
Comment from Beverly A McBride
Wonderfully delightful premise! Two kids, and a cat. Now there's an idea! She did love her cats, eh? Well... Well written and engaging throughout. I expect there would be a lot more to this story...Good job. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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Wonderfully delightful premise! Two kids, and a cat. Now there's an idea! She did love her cats, eh? Well... Well written and engaging throughout. I expect there would be a lot more to this story...Good job. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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Thanks Beverly, unfortunately all I won was the try again ticket:)
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I hear ya! What's up with these people, voting for the wrong one?! What a nice way to say that: try again ticket....I'll try to remember that. Keep trying, Iza! We'll make our mark one day!
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Amen to that sister:)
Comment from elchupakabra
There are some bits I find confusing. For one, you marked this piece as having heavy language and than used Holy Guacamole?
- Kelly, that man was right that she will not remember. You have two kids, a cat, and what's a husband?
This part is especially confusing because you haven't referenced "a man" in any other part of the story, you've hammered in that there is no husband in this scenario, just two random kids (and still one cat?).
I do see what you were going for, but I feel it needs to be cleaned up a little in editing. Good work nonetheless, thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest :) Later daze.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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There are some bits I find confusing. For one, you marked this piece as having heavy language and than used Holy Guacamole?
- Kelly, that man was right that she will not remember. You have two kids, a cat, and what's a husband?
This part is especially confusing because you haven't referenced "a man" in any other part of the story, you've hammered in that there is no husband in this scenario, just two random kids (and still one cat?).
I do see what you were going for, but I feel it needs to be cleaned up a little in editing. Good work nonetheless, thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest :) Later daze.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you for the good wishes and I got lots of experience.
Comment from write hand blue
A dream story where the person wakes up and finds out that they are still in a dream. Sadness and disappointment can overcome the person, especially if the dream life is much better than their own. I think I got that right. LOL Good luck. ~Mel~
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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A dream story where the person wakes up and finds out that they are still in a dream. Sadness and disappointment can overcome the person, especially if the dream life is much better than their own. I think I got that right. LOL Good luck. ~Mel~
Comment Written 30-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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Hi Mel, you got that right:) thank you for your clever feedback.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Your story is unique and creative. I hope it does well as an entry for the Someone Else writing prompt. I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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Your story is unique and creative. I hope it does well as an entry for the Someone Else writing prompt. I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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Thank you Rebecca, unfortunately all I got was the try again ticket:)
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Man!
Comment from lyenochka
You met the challenge well with someone really waking up as someone else. That's funny that the narrator thought the children were her kitties.
I didn't understand this: "I jumped like burned swearing:"
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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You met the challenge well with someone really waking up as someone else. That's funny that the narrator thought the children were her kitties.
I didn't understand this: "I jumped like burned swearing:"
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2020
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Thank you Helen, unfortunately all I got was the try again ticket:)
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Don't feel bad - most of us get that. Some of us who've been here are while, don't do contests very often. 😊
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You are right :) wasting my hard earned money on a contest is not such a good idea anymore, especially when the return on investment is zero.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your approach to the someone else prompt, Mystery Writer. You developed it well. I could 'see' this as I read. I like the idea of the dream and being two people.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
looking and [ at ] me and smiling sweetly. I jumped like burned swearing:
Cereals-->cereals
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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I enjoyed your approach to the someone else prompt, Mystery Writer. You developed it well. I could 'see' this as I read. I like the idea of the dream and being two people.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
looking and [ at ] me and smiling sweetly. I jumped like burned swearing:
Cereals-->cereals
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written flash fiction about waking up in the morning and discover you are completely a different person in a different scenario.
Typo
kids looking and(at)me and smiling sweetly. I
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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A very well-written flash fiction about waking up in the morning and discover you are completely a different person in a different scenario.
Typo
kids looking and(at)me and smiling sweetly. I
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much Ms. Sandra
Comment from LisaMay
I could see the funny side in your punishment here, getting your nightmare so you could practice being a Mommy to children instead of cats.
This sentence is awkward: I jumped like burned swearing:
Maybe it should be corrected to: I jumped like I had been burned, swearing:
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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I could see the funny side in your punishment here, getting your nightmare so you could practice being a Mommy to children instead of cats.
This sentence is awkward: I jumped like burned swearing:
Maybe it should be corrected to: I jumped like I had been burned, swearing:
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, LisaMay for your valid point, I have applied your suggestion and it makes a lot of sense.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I don't think I would like being someone else, especially with two kids, a cat and no husband! Oh dear that is a nightmare many women find themselves in, a fun write here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2020
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I don't think I would like being someone else, especially with two kids, a cat and no husband! Oh dear that is a nightmare many women find themselves in, a fun write here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2020
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Thank you
Comment from Mia Twysted
Interesting turning kittens into kids. It is a transformation that is easy to see. I didn't feel the confusion that much though. It did seems playful and light.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2020
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Interesting turning kittens into kids. It is a transformation that is easy to see. I didn't feel the confusion that much though. It did seems playful and light.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2020
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Thank you so much
