My Untimely Proposal to Annie
Risk of hitchhiking together to Baja California3 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an interesting insight of how a romance can develop out of normal context, but (and it's a big but). There is a major problem of tense use. You keep zigging around between the past and the present: incorrect, unnecessary and uncomfortable for the reader. You need to choose one (past is generally easier), and stick to it apart from extremely special exceptions. Happy fixing!
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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This is an interesting insight of how a romance can develop out of normal context, but (and it's a big but). There is a major problem of tense use. You keep zigging around between the past and the present: incorrect, unnecessary and uncomfortable for the reader. You need to choose one (past is generally easier), and stick to it apart from extremely special exceptions. Happy fixing!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Dear Katherine,
Thank you for your insights and route to improvement.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your allusions cause the reader to be drawn in to do research. I would say any artist who admired Sr. Corita would definitely be open to an adventure. The reader is taken right along with the characters. With your nicely detailed description of setting, and characters, the reader can experience everything vicariously Nicely reported. Not at all boring.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Your allusions cause the reader to be drawn in to do research. I would say any artist who admired Sr. Corita would definitely be open to an adventure. The reader is taken right along with the characters. With your nicely detailed description of setting, and characters, the reader can experience everything vicariously Nicely reported. Not at all boring.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Dear Liz,
Thanks for your supportive review and for your insights, esp. "any artist who admired Sr. Corita would definitely be open to an adventure."
Comment from RodG
Ah, to be young and adventurous. I admire the narrator for his willingness to hitch-hike into Mexico, and commend his "indecent" proposal to Annie. It is easy to see why he fell for this young artist who also had a free-spirit. A fun read and well-written. Rod
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020
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Ah, to be young and adventurous. I admire the narrator for his willingness to hitch-hike into Mexico, and commend his "indecent" proposal to Annie. It is easy to see why he fell for this young artist who also had a free-spirit. A fun read and well-written. Rod
Comment Written 16-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your encouraging response, Rod. ~
