Traffic
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Darkness"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
7 total reviews
Comment from AJ McCall
This chapter is intense... I couldn't stop reading until I got to the end. I feel for every one of the girls and their names are like a sweet melody when I read them. It's so horrible that that's actually happening and I too am surprised when a woman takes part in these things, but they can be evil as well. And I love reading this because it reminds me I have Native American on my father's side. I can't wait for the next chapter! I wish I had six stars for this!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020
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This chapter is intense... I couldn't stop reading until I got to the end. I feel for every one of the girls and their names are like a sweet melody when I read them. It's so horrible that that's actually happening and I too am surprised when a woman takes part in these things, but they can be evil as well. And I love reading this because it reminds me I have Native American on my father's side. I can't wait for the next chapter! I wish I had six stars for this!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020
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I also have Native American on my mother's side. You would enjoy my story A Knock on My Door. I am gifted to live in an area which has many signs of Abenaki activity. If you read this you will understand.
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Wow! Cool! Thank you!
Comment from Lobber
Hi there,
You have certainly captured the world of human trafficking.
Your writing demonstrates a fine eye for detail. You know how to engage the reader.
- Lobber
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020
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Hi there,
You have certainly captured the world of human trafficking.
Your writing demonstrates a fine eye for detail. You know how to engage the reader.
- Lobber
Comment Written 16-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020
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I did so good research. I even listened to a you tube account of a Native American woman who had escaped several times after being recaptured. She was very fragile. Thank you for your encouraging review.
Comment from lyenochka
It's good to get the girls' stories so that even the girls find out what happened when. I feel the dialogue is off at places - as it sounds very ornate as if the narrator is speaking not a young teenage girl.
Comments:
I was deceptively hopeful when they (somehow it sounds odd to say 'deceptively hopeful' especially in conversation. Maybe 'deceived to hope'?)
They tied my ankles. They burned wicked. (the ankles burned?)
After " I knew it was that van." the three following paragraphs don't have quotes but it is obviously Turtle speaking.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020
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It's good to get the girls' stories so that even the girls find out what happened when. I feel the dialogue is off at places - as it sounds very ornate as if the narrator is speaking not a young teenage girl.
Comments:
I was deceptively hopeful when they (somehow it sounds odd to say 'deceptively hopeful' especially in conversation. Maybe 'deceived to hope'?)
They tied my ankles. They burned wicked. (the ankles burned?)
After " I knew it was that van." the three following paragraphs don't have quotes but it is obviously Turtle speaking.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad my story is having the impact I was hoping it would.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, such a sad story, poor girls abducted and treated like a bag of potatoes. But now, they are safe to tell their stories. I really like this phrase: :'Soon thereafter, the side door jaws fractured open." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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Wow, such a sad story, poor girls abducted and treated like a bag of potatoes. But now, they are safe to tell their stories. I really like this phrase: :'Soon thereafter, the side door jaws fractured open." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your appreciative, supportive review. I'm glad it is having the impact I'm hoping it will.
Comment from Mistydawn
What a terrible encounter they've had. I couldn't even imagine all the horror they've been through. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I look forward to the next part.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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What a terrible encounter they've had. I couldn't even imagine all the horror they've been through. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I look forward to the next part.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your consistently supportive reviews. I'm glad it is having the impact I hope it will.
Comment from aryr
A very interesting recollection of the events of their kidnapping. Each girl spoke calmly even though they had lived through hell in their capture along. So far they each shared what they could vividly remember. Great job Liz.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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A very interesting recollection of the events of their kidnapping. Each girl spoke calmly even though they had lived through hell in their capture along. So far they each shared what they could vividly remember. Great job Liz.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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I'm glad it is having the impact I hope it will. Thank you for your supportive review.
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It was great reading Liz, you are so welcome.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Human trafficking is man's inhumanity to man. There is so much cruelty in the world, and there is s very little we can really do about it. You've done a great job on this topic!
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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Human trafficking is man's inhumanity to man. There is so much cruelty in the world, and there is s very little we can really do about it. You've done a great job on this topic!
Comment Written 15-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020
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I'm glad it is having the impact I hope it will. Thank you for your supportive review.
