Memories
a free verse15 total reviews
Comment from estory
This is one of the strongest pieces if not the best of your pieces I have read so far. There's an honesty to the language here, it cuts to the quick, and you have these terrific images like this one of the child left in the rain because the mother refuses to pick him up. It really gets the emotions roiling and it is a real gut check. You end with that wonderful image of the hopeful mom and what we are left with is this complicated picture of someone who loves but does not know how to express it, a painful experience of a love/hate relationship. The imperfections of humanity are on full display here, but also their vulnerability, and their aspirations, that are somewhat redemptive. estory
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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This is one of the strongest pieces if not the best of your pieces I have read so far. There's an honesty to the language here, it cuts to the quick, and you have these terrific images like this one of the child left in the rain because the mother refuses to pick him up. It really gets the emotions roiling and it is a real gut check. You end with that wonderful image of the hopeful mom and what we are left with is this complicated picture of someone who loves but does not know how to express it, a painful experience of a love/hate relationship. The imperfections of humanity are on full display here, but also their vulnerability, and their aspirations, that are somewhat redemptive. estory
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Hello, estory,
It's a teenager left in the rain and it's not a love hate relationship, they love each other very much but she is not perfect... she's human.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my work. I appreciate your kind review and valuable feedback.
Peace be with you.
Gypsy
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Hi gypsy, this poem dripped tears from the words you used in the poem and from what was not said. My heart went out to the person writing the poem. Excellent work for finding this level of sensitivity. Giddy
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Hi gypsy, this poem dripped tears from the words you used in the poem and from what was not said. My heart went out to the person writing the poem. Excellent work for finding this level of sensitivity. Giddy
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Giddy, It's about me. Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Knew some emotions there seemed a bit jumbled and reading your author notes cleared that right up... beautiful offering now knowing the root of it, Gypsy - perfect for a demonstration for someone wondering how it can be... ;) I particularly like the way you let your spacing and line returns do most of the punctuation for you -- love to see than rather than the over-punctuation many seem to use!! ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Knew some emotions there seemed a bit jumbled and reading your author notes cleared that right up... beautiful offering now knowing the root of it, Gypsy - perfect for a demonstration for someone wondering how it can be... ;) I particularly like the way you let your spacing and line returns do most of the punctuation for you -- love to see than rather than the over-punctuation many seem to use!! ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much, Yvette. Memories are jumbled sometimes. I'm glad the notes clarified that for you. Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from karenina
I feel the ache. The hope dashed. The yet again disappointed child who tried so hard to be the grown up in a dysfunctional relationship tinged with mental illness. I can imagine the guilt you felt that you could not make it better...and the anger that THIS, again, would be your fate--to be somehow cursed with the "crazy mom"--your poetry cuts to the bone and that is why it is so affecting. Never lose your honesty. God knows how many, like you, you help by speaking up and saying the words!--Karenina
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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I feel the ache. The hope dashed. The yet again disappointed child who tried so hard to be the grown up in a dysfunctional relationship tinged with mental illness. I can imagine the guilt you felt that you could not make it better...and the anger that THIS, again, would be your fate--to be somehow cursed with the "crazy mom"--your poetry cuts to the bone and that is why it is so affecting. Never lose your honesty. God knows how many, like you, you help by speaking up and saying the words!--Karenina
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much, Karenina.
Peace,
Gypsy
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Namaste.--Karenina
Comment from Mark Schardine
how happy she was
so full of hope to be a good mom
this time ...
We must keep trying in whatever we do. Success can come even if we cannot imagine it.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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how happy she was
so full of hope to be a good mom
this time ...
We must keep trying in whatever we do. Success can come even if we cannot imagine it.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much, Mark.
gypsy
Comment from Margaret Bednar
...bipolar is something that I understand a lot more of now that I am older as I have seen it destroy (a few ladies I know have committed suicide) lives... Often the children are not able to ever put it in perspective or do so at a much later date in adulthood, but, alas, are affected as children and their overall self-confidence. It is all very sad, as your poem so well depicts... Very moving.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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...bipolar is something that I understand a lot more of now that I am older as I have seen it destroy (a few ladies I know have committed suicide) lives... Often the children are not able to ever put it in perspective or do so at a much later date in adulthood, but, alas, are affected as children and their overall self-confidence. It is all very sad, as your poem so well depicts... Very moving.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much, Margaret. Thank you for the exceptional review and six stars.
Peace,
gypsy
Comment from Mark D. R.
Gypsy,
Your personal story is well written and heartfelt. Your three children should be proud of their mother and thrilled with your poetic writings. I know I am a big fan of your style. Of course, I do prefer the shorter ones (-;
Mark
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Gypsy,
Your personal story is well written and heartfelt. Your three children should be proud of their mother and thrilled with your poetic writings. I know I am a big fan of your style. Of course, I do prefer the shorter ones (-;
Mark
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Mark, I feel loved and appreciated by my children. They are the best part of my life. I do prefer my short poems too but sometimes I feel a lot of emotions that I have to put down on paper unrestricted by rules. I used to write a lot of free verse and even rhymed poetry but it's not my forte. Once, a fanstorian, chiliverde, told me that I should stick to haiku because I was terrible in other forms. Her assessment was harsh but true.
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I was happy to read another side of your poetry Gypsy!
Mark
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like a very personal write about shame and guilt and we can all recall such moments when we didn't quite live up to the mark, a sensitive write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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This sounds like a very personal write about shame and guilt and we can all recall such moments when we didn't quite live up to the mark, a sensitive write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine poem, Gypsy,and we all have moments from our past the make us cringe, thinking that was surely someone else. You should let the past go and give yourself a break. The person that acted the way you're describing WAS, in a way, someone else. You've apologized and it sounds like they accepted. I know if I let it, the past will haunt me to distraction. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes and all we can do is not repeat the same mistakes; and, you're being lectured by a man who hasn't mastered living yet, so I'll shut up!
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Another fine poem, Gypsy,and we all have moments from our past the make us cringe, thinking that was surely someone else. You should let the past go and give yourself a break. The person that acted the way you're describing WAS, in a way, someone else. You've apologized and it sounds like they accepted. I know if I let it, the past will haunt me to distraction. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes and all we can do is not repeat the same mistakes; and, you're being lectured by a man who hasn't mastered living yet, so I'll shut up!
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Mike, Thank you very much for your excellent review, six stars, and kind words. Have a peaceful day.
Gypsy
Comment from robyn corum
Gypsy,
I can't imagine how hard this was to write and then to share. I'm very proud of you. I always wonder why it is we are plagued with the bad stuff. I have always called it the 'monkey mind' -- but the thoughts that run over and over and over in my own head are never the beautiful, fabulous, selfless moments of SERVICE I have done in my life. Uh uh. Nope. It's all the moments - and there are plenty, believe me - when I have failed so utterly miserably. My friends, my family, my husband ... my children.
So, I get it. But at some point, to heal, we have to start forgiving ourselves. Or trying to. Right? I mean, FIRST - we have to start doing things better, and then we have to start trying to move forward, make new and better memories and try (TRY) to forgive ourselves.
I think this was a precious post that shows how deep your heart is and how full of love it is. And I KNOW, without a doubt, that you children must also know that. And I feel certain, that - just like my own kids - they also know that some of the things they had to deal with were a bit beyond our control. Somehow, someway, our kids continue to love us (Thank you, Lord!)
I do have a couple of notes for you - don't hate me. Even stuff as poignant as this should SHINE. *smile*
1.) Your kindergarten's (M)other's (D)ay card
2.) said that 'I was a good mom(')
--> I'm not sure where, but that opening quote mark needs to close somewhere. To be honest, it sounds to me like you are (maybe?) mostly paraphrasing his words, so it's probably not really needed...??
3.) I took you to the park
were short and hard to come (by)
I think this was a very special look into your heart and soul. It's intimate and private and says a lot. I'm sending you hugs --
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Gypsy,
I can't imagine how hard this was to write and then to share. I'm very proud of you. I always wonder why it is we are plagued with the bad stuff. I have always called it the 'monkey mind' -- but the thoughts that run over and over and over in my own head are never the beautiful, fabulous, selfless moments of SERVICE I have done in my life. Uh uh. Nope. It's all the moments - and there are plenty, believe me - when I have failed so utterly miserably. My friends, my family, my husband ... my children.
So, I get it. But at some point, to heal, we have to start forgiving ourselves. Or trying to. Right? I mean, FIRST - we have to start doing things better, and then we have to start trying to move forward, make new and better memories and try (TRY) to forgive ourselves.
I think this was a precious post that shows how deep your heart is and how full of love it is. And I KNOW, without a doubt, that you children must also know that. And I feel certain, that - just like my own kids - they also know that some of the things they had to deal with were a bit beyond our control. Somehow, someway, our kids continue to love us (Thank you, Lord!)
I do have a couple of notes for you - don't hate me. Even stuff as poignant as this should SHINE. *smile*
1.) Your kindergarten's (M)other's (D)ay card
2.) said that 'I was a good mom(')
--> I'm not sure where, but that opening quote mark needs to close somewhere. To be honest, it sounds to me like you are (maybe?) mostly paraphrasing his words, so it's probably not really needed...??
3.) I took you to the park
were short and hard to come (by)
I think this was a very special look into your heart and soul. It's intimate and private and says a lot. I'm sending you hugs --
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much for the valuable feedback and notes. I need all the help I can get. It has been a while since I have written free verse.
Thank you for reading and reviewing...I know you get it. Have a great weekend sweetie pie. I hope you had a great 4th of July. We had a fun one here.