Begins a New Life
Ghost Story5 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like this framed order and exposure of a made up ghost story to scare; enjoyed the read; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this; wish you good luck in the contest. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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I like this framed order and exposure of a made up ghost story to scare; enjoyed the read; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this; wish you good luck in the contest. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
I'm not sure how I feel about this story. It was interesting, but I think it's a story where i would have liked more details. Especially about the ghost, how it became a ghost; i'm assuming it died in prison, but not all who die in prison become ghosts. And why was it scared? I did like how the ghost went from being scared to the one doing the scaring, you were able to include a character arc like that in very little words, which was nice.
One thing:
"[They] constant sound was maddening!!" -- the
Good luck, cheers.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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I'm not sure how I feel about this story. It was interesting, but I think it's a story where i would have liked more details. Especially about the ghost, how it became a ghost; i'm assuming it died in prison, but not all who die in prison become ghosts. And why was it scared? I did like how the ghost went from being scared to the one doing the scaring, you were able to include a character arc like that in very little words, which was nice.
One thing:
"[They] constant sound was maddening!!" -- the
Good luck, cheers.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your review. Much appreciated.
Comment from thorney
Hi there.
Well, you kept us guessing till the end! I'm not sure that was in the right 'spirit.'
A good tale, there are a few things you might want to consider:
Like many of the locals, I knew the history. - needed a comma
It had been built over one hundred years ago; built by the people who would later haunt the halls, whispering memories of their misgivings to any innocent ear that cared to listen.
Try this, I think it reads better.
It had been built over one hundred years ago. Made by people who would later haunt these halls, whispering memories of their misgivings to any innocent ear that cared to listen.
try:
It had been dark when I arrived. Dark enough, at least, for me to see some of the occupants.
They constant sound was maddening!! - Their constant ...
Best Regards
Pete.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Hi there.
Well, you kept us guessing till the end! I'm not sure that was in the right 'spirit.'
A good tale, there are a few things you might want to consider:
Like many of the locals, I knew the history. - needed a comma
It had been built over one hundred years ago; built by the people who would later haunt the halls, whispering memories of their misgivings to any innocent ear that cared to listen.
Try this, I think it reads better.
It had been built over one hundred years ago. Made by people who would later haunt these halls, whispering memories of their misgivings to any innocent ear that cared to listen.
try:
It had been dark when I arrived. Dark enough, at least, for me to see some of the occupants.
They constant sound was maddening!! - Their constant ...
Best Regards
Pete.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Thanks Pete, for your review and suggestions. I have altered the story where appropriate. Much appreciated.
Comment from humpwhistle
It's easy enough to believe that prisons could harbor the spirits of those damned to its confines. I'm sure their DNA seeps into the walls. Why not their spirits, too? As if prisons aren't scary enough.
Best of luck with the voters.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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It's easy enough to believe that prisons could harbor the spirits of those damned to its confines. I'm sure their DNA seeps into the walls. Why not their spirits, too? As if prisons aren't scary enough.
Best of luck with the voters.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, well the writing is solid from beginning to end. I did not see a period out of place. The story seem to more on the telling side. The writer has a presence of mystery. If possible I would add some character interaction so the reader can feel the fear.
But, good work
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Hmm, well the writing is solid from beginning to end. I did not see a period out of place. The story seem to more on the telling side. The writer has a presence of mystery. If possible I would add some character interaction so the reader can feel the fear.
But, good work
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your review. Much appreciated.
