Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Flight -- part 3"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
10 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I like the chit chat between the brothers even in these circumstances it was easy to relate to. You're going well with this story Deb, I'm enjoying it, cheers valda
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2020
  |
I like the chit chat between the brothers even in these circumstances it was easy to relate to. You're going well with this story Deb, I'm enjoying it, cheers valda
Comment Written 26-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Valda! Appreciate you, as always. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
I like their faith. I can't really wait to finish. This is a very beautiful and lovely story. Well-done Deb! I look forward to reading the next chapter.
In this statement: "He'd liked the boy, and felt like a snitch, which was, Jack pointed out in their first conversation about the case, his exact job description." An "as" before "Jack" would make it much clearer to the reader. You'd then have to remove the comma before "Jack."
My very best wishes, now and always.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
|
I like their faith. I can't really wait to finish. This is a very beautiful and lovely story. Well-done Deb! I look forward to reading the next chapter.
In this statement: "He'd liked the boy, and felt like a snitch, which was, Jack pointed out in their first conversation about the case, his exact job description." An "as" before "Jack" would make it much clearer to the reader. You'd then have to remove the comma before "Jack."
My very best wishes, now and always.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
-
I'll fix that -- thank you, Precious!
Be blessed, my dear friend!
Deb
Comment from Puzzle
i feel like i skipped one or something!? the last one i read cody was shot and his brother saw him lying by the tree. was that the last one? this is getting good tho. i'm kinda worried for cody! he doesn't seem to be doing well!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
|
i feel like i skipped one or something!? the last one i read cody was shot and his brother saw him lying by the tree. was that the last one? this is getting good tho. i'm kinda worried for cody! he doesn't seem to be doing well!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
You missed one, yep. Give me a couple hours and I'll get some member $$ and repost it. :)
And you SHOULD be worried about him. It's a long trek out of there.
Later, gator,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
I liked how you keep the boys bantering while they struggle to stay alive. It's great that Scripture comes back to Jack's mind. I wonder if that knife trap would work. Guess you'll let us know...
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
|
I liked how you keep the boys bantering while they struggle to stay alive. It's great that Scripture comes back to Jack's mind. I wonder if that knife trap would work. Guess you'll let us know...
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Helen! Always appreciated!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
Really good chapter - or portion of one. Intense, exciting, thrilling, chilling - all of it. I really enjoyed it and didn't even find a single nit. This was super writing!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
 |
Deb,
Really good chapter - or portion of one. Intense, exciting, thrilling, chilling - all of it. I really enjoyed it and didn't even find a single nit. This was super writing!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
That means SO much coming from you, Robyn! Thank you.
Always appreciated.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Well done chapter.... not up on the book itself, but your handling of this interactions and the shadowing in of the past and possible futures was handled well. Thanx for sharing! ;)
compass 11 times since --> compass eleven times since [spell out your numbers unless really large... ;)]
minutes Jack pulled --> minutes, Jack pulled
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him and I am helped. --> [italicize or put in quotes]
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
 |
Well done chapter.... not up on the book itself, but your handling of this interactions and the shadowing in of the past and possible futures was handled well. Thanx for sharing! ;)
compass 11 times since --> compass eleven times since [spell out your numbers unless really large... ;)]
minutes Jack pulled --> minutes, Jack pulled
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him and I am helped. --> [italicize or put in quotes]
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
Thank you for the catches. I really thought the Scripture portion was italicized, but I guess it didn't transfer from my word program... I'll run over and fix that. Thanks for jumping in mid-stream. :) Must have seemed like a weird thing with no backstory. I always appreciate you reviewing. :)
Blessings,
Deb lol
Blessings,
DEb
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This story gets better and better with each post. The brothers are slowly but surely getting away from those following them even though they are both weary to the bone. Well done once again.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
|
This story gets better and better with each post. The brothers are slowly but surely getting away from those following them even though they are both weary to the bone. Well done once again.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, my FS friend! Hope all is well with you this week. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was hard going. How poor Cody is coping with this is beyond me. I know we are all tested through life, but he's had more than his fair share, it's about time he had some good luck. Jack is doing all he can. I can understand his distrust of God, when we lose someone so young and so loved, it's hard not to blame the only one who could have save them. We don't think that there could be a reason for it, and quite honestly, we never do. Well done, I'm now hanging here for the next part. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
|
That was hard going. How poor Cody is coping with this is beyond me. I know we are all tested through life, but he's had more than his fair share, it's about time he had some good luck. Jack is doing all he can. I can understand his distrust of God, when we lose someone so young and so loved, it's hard not to blame the only one who could have save them. We don't think that there could be a reason for it, and quite honestly, we never do. Well done, I'm now hanging here for the next part. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Sandra! I appreciate you 'hanging in there'. :)
I don't know if there is a 'fair share'. I wish my life had been easier, but it hasn't. But it's made me strong (most of the time; sometimes it makes me a crybaby. lol) And, yes, sometimes it's far easier to deal with crap that happens to us more than things that happen to those we care for and about.
Blessings, no matter which!
Deb
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I have no criticism or corrections! I love your attention to detail and to have a dialogue at the same time as placing them in their surroundings. Many writers (maybe beginning writers) have trouble with this, but you are just a natural - and I always enjoy the brother's rapport.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
|
I have no criticism or corrections! I love your attention to detail and to have a dialogue at the same time as placing them in their surroundings. Many writers (maybe beginning writers) have trouble with this, but you are just a natural - and I always enjoy the brother's rapport.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Margaret. :) I'm having a good time writing this. Is that terrible? I'm putting these guys through the ropes and having a good time? Hmm. Maybe I worded that incorrectly. lol
Blessings,
Deb
-
Well, it is about their mutual love for each other, their awesome family. I think we need this in these crazy times...
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Hi Deb, awesome chapter and I hope both brothers will be ok. This phrase made me laugh: "No. I guessed that, I guessed technology, I guessed, like, six other 'ologies' that I can't even remember anymore. Finally Trav says, 'No, Dad. The one that studies plants.'" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
|
Hi Deb, awesome chapter and I hope both brothers will be ok. This phrase made me laugh: "No. I guessed that, I guessed technology, I guessed, like, six other 'ologies' that I can't even remember anymore. Finally Trav says, 'No, Dad. The one that studies plants.'" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
-
Thank,Iza! Yeah, I kind of like old Jack. He's a fun guy. :) One of my single friends wants me to materialize him for her, but I've pointed out that he is MARRIED. She said just not to materialize Laine. lol
Blessings!
Deb
-
Ha, ha, ha will not be nice the perfect... man
