Waiting...
a 200 word story24 total reviews
Comment from Bichon
This was an excellent story. It had me gripped right from the start and until the conclusion. It reminded me of a dystopian type of read. Best of luck in the contest with this great entry.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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This was an excellent story. It had me gripped right from the start and until the conclusion. It reminded me of a dystopian type of read. Best of luck in the contest with this great entry.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Many thanks as always. G
Comment from Bobby Cunningham
This story truly captivated us. Our eyes and brain were eagerly pursuing the next line. We honestly don't get the ending, please help us understand because we know it must be good, but right now a little vague. Best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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This story truly captivated us. Our eyes and brain were eagerly pursuing the next line. We honestly don't get the ending, please help us understand because we know it must be good, but right now a little vague. Best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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They're hoping to survive which is why they're hiding in the first place. Many thanks GMG
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What an intense, suspenseful, and eerie entry. I enjoyed reading it although the ending was so sad. You did a great job with the lead up to that ending. Your words are well-chosen. I like the bold font and the image, too. Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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What an intense, suspenseful, and eerie entry. I enjoyed reading it although the ending was so sad. You did a great job with the lead up to that ending. Your words are well-chosen. I like the bold font and the image, too. Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Many thanks, Jan. G
Comment from Coco Jane
Scary scene.
Maybe use "each other's" instead of "the other's."
Some parts could be tightened up to make room for other details. For example, "like a pistol shot in the absolute silence, froze Emma in place" might be "like a pistol shot in the silence, froze Emma." This would save three words for maybe a description of the door to help set the scene.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Scary scene.
Maybe use "each other's" instead of "the other's."
Some parts could be tightened up to make room for other details. For example, "like a pistol shot in the absolute silence, froze Emma in place" might be "like a pistol shot in the silence, froze Emma." This would save three words for maybe a description of the door to help set the scene.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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It's more about the emotion than the description as the door's appearance isn't germane.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(typo: began to cry to s/b too) Powerful image with single syllable like pistol shot--that earns your stars in itself. Their fear comes through vividly. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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(typo: began to cry to s/b too) Powerful image with single syllable like pistol shot--that earns your stars in itself. Their fear comes through vividly. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Many thanks, especially for the catch. Cheers GMG
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Seems like you have a start of a mystery with the ladies
hearing the shots in the distance. Keep going. Who is
behind the door? Why does she wear a moth-eaten shawl?
Maybe, it was her favorite jacket. I'll have to read more.
flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Seems like you have a start of a mystery with the ladies
hearing the shots in the distance. Keep going. Who is
behind the door? Why does she wear a moth-eaten shawl?
Maybe, it was her favorite jacket. I'll have to read more.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Many thanks. GMG
Comment from Mia Twysted
There is terror and mystery in this piece. Who are they hiding from and what is going on out there beyond that door.
A wonderful entry in this contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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There is terror and mystery in this piece. Who are they hiding from and what is going on out there beyond that door.
A wonderful entry in this contest.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Much appreciated. G
Comment from Spitfire
The pleading 'They're coming' and the sound of distant gunfire lends itself to many scenarios for the reader to imagine. I think of the Nazis in Germany. All the people involved are in various stages of fright. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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The pleading 'They're coming' and the sound of distant gunfire lends itself to many scenarios for the reader to imagine. I think of the Nazis in Germany. All the people involved are in various stages of fright. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Many thanks for checking this out. Hope you are well. G
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, anonymous,
Intriguing entry for the
Sentence writing prompt contest. You followed the rules well.
I wonder who is outside the door.
You managed to tell a story in 200 words. Good job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Hello, anonymous,
Intriguing entry for the
Sentence writing prompt contest. You followed the rules well.
I wonder who is outside the door.
You managed to tell a story in 200 words. Good job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Many thanks.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Waiting, hiding and hoping - quite an interesting way to keep the reader wondering and thinking about the reason of being in hiding and scared. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Waiting, hiding and hoping - quite an interesting way to keep the reader wondering and thinking about the reason of being in hiding and scared. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2020
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Much appreciated.
