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Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Plan"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
12 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This looks like an interesting book of stories. I will be making my way through them, a couple at a time. Looking forward to it. And I did find your website.
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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This looks like an interesting book of stories. I will be making my way through them, a couple at a time. Looking forward to it. And I did find your website.
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Good tracking...on both pursuits. lol I actually did put my story Traffic on that website. I thought it was an appropriate site to use.
https://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pageseventythree.html
Comment from lancellot
I reread the first two chapters and now this one. I am used the captives names now. I must say I like what you have. It is active and exciting. It reminds me of advice I was once given: everything you write should advance the story. And that is what you have here.
reply by the author on 13-May-2021
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I reread the first two chapters and now this one. I am used the captives names now. I must say I like what you have. It is active and exciting. It reminds me of advice I was once given: everything you write should advance the story. And that is what you have here.
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 13-May-2021
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate it. Remember you do not need to write a review for every chapter. Just enjoy.
Comment from aryr
Wow, Liz, what an amazing rescue and even the planned rescue on the van was intriguing. I liked how you used the idea of the Swiss Army aka MacGyver jackknife, that was indeed a pleasant surprise. It was equally stressed that time was of the essence, so both teams worked diligently. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Wow, Liz, what an amazing rescue and even the planned rescue on the van was intriguing. I liked how you used the idea of the Swiss Army aka MacGyver jackknife, that was indeed a pleasant surprise. It was equally stressed that time was of the essence, so both teams worked diligently. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your continued enthusiasm. I love my McGyver knife. I don't use it much but am thrilled I have one in my knife collection.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow! This is quite the rescue and escape story, Liz - great action!! :) Looking forward to the next chapter, my lady! ;) Yvette
the moment Liz had --> the moment, Liz had
slip out they needed --> slip out, they needed
readying to spurt to the --> readying to sprint to the
Just before Velvet Dove, the first one across, dove behind the bushes, she frantically --> [awkwardly composed....perhaps try] The first one across was Velvet Dove. Just before she leapt behind the bushes, she frantically
like 30 minutes, the arms --> like thirty minutes, the arms
to Liz whose heart --> to Liz, whose heart
she would release from the van, any captives. --> she would release any captives from the van.
She expressed her worries there were --> She had expressed her worries that there were
three days and two had --> three days,and two more had
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Wow! This is quite the rescue and escape story, Liz - great action!! :) Looking forward to the next chapter, my lady! ;) Yvette
the moment Liz had --> the moment, Liz had
slip out they needed --> slip out, they needed
readying to spurt to the --> readying to sprint to the
Just before Velvet Dove, the first one across, dove behind the bushes, she frantically --> [awkwardly composed....perhaps try] The first one across was Velvet Dove. Just before she leapt behind the bushes, she frantically
like 30 minutes, the arms --> like thirty minutes, the arms
to Liz whose heart --> to Liz, whose heart
she would release from the van, any captives. --> she would release any captives from the van.
She expressed her worries there were --> She had expressed her worries that there were
three days and two had --> three days,and two more had
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Thank you as alway for your great support & sharp eye. I value your mentoring.
Comment from Mary Furlong
Once again, the physical action in the chapter is exciting. However you dwell on those details so that there is little space or time to get into the Crow girls' problem. You have more than enough material for three or four chapters here.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Once again, the physical action in the chapter is exciting. However you dwell on those details so that there is little space or time to get into the Crow girls' problem. You have more than enough material for three or four chapters here.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your interested review. There is much more to follow with each of their stirring stories. I'm glad you are enjoying it. A ** Spoiler** there are barely any calm moments.
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
You are reaching your purpose. You are writing quite a compelling mysteries story here. The native-American girls, so cruelly captured and emprisoned seem to be safely escaped with the help and cunning of Liz and Linda. But all danger is not over yet! I wonder what will happen next.
Such a good story!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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You are reaching your purpose. You are writing quite a compelling mysteries story here. The native-American girls, so cruelly captured and emprisoned seem to be safely escaped with the help and cunning of Liz and Linda. But all danger is not over yet! I wonder what will happen next.
Such a good story!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your interested review. There is much more to follow with each of their stirring stories. I'm glad you are enjoying it. A ** Spoiler** there are barely any calm moments.
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Welcome!
Comment from Bobby Cunningham
What an incredible story. My eyes and my brain were eagerly pursuing the next line as this story is so captivating. I saw no grammatical errors or typos. This is a very entertaining read about a sad situation all too prevelant around the world. Thank you for sharing this incredible story.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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What an incredible story. My eyes and my brain were eagerly pursuing the next line as this story is so captivating. I saw no grammatical errors or typos. This is a very entertaining read about a sad situation all too prevelant around the world. Thank you for sharing this incredible story.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I will give you a **spoiler** there is barely a moment of calm in thiswhole story. I hope you continue to follow it.
Comment from lyenochka
I sure hope these heroines have had their tetanus shots! Your description of the escape is very dramatic and realistic. And for FS readability should be stopped at that point and the plan covered in another post.
The plan itself sounds really difficult to execute. And in order to explain it - there appears to be a lot of discussion going on. That also affects how believable the story is because they need to be absolutely silent. Maybe hand gestures could be interpreted for Liz and Linda?
Suggest continuity of capitalization for the names:
"Runs the field would remain hidden " Runs the Field
"Eyes of the owl interrupted" Eyes of the Owl
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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I sure hope these heroines have had their tetanus shots! Your description of the escape is very dramatic and realistic. And for FS readability should be stopped at that point and the plan covered in another post.
The plan itself sounds really difficult to execute. And in order to explain it - there appears to be a lot of discussion going on. That also affects how believable the story is because they need to be absolutely silent. Maybe hand gestures could be interpreted for Liz and Linda?
Suggest continuity of capitalization for the names:
"Runs the field would remain hidden " Runs the Field
"Eyes of the owl interrupted" Eyes of the Owl
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
First thing:
Is this what you wanted to say in the beginning?
("beginning of a memorable adve") what is "adve"?
("Might want to fix that I think you wanted to say "adventure" but the line ran out of space and "adve" is all that came out. Fix accordingly")
EXCELLENT story;-)
Well thought out and very well written;-)
Thank you for sharing and many blessings;-)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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First thing:
Is this what you wanted to say in the beginning?
("beginning of a memorable adve") what is "adve"?
("Might want to fix that I think you wanted to say "adventure" but the line ran out of space and "adve" is all that came out. Fix accordingly")
EXCELLENT story;-)
Well thought out and very well written;-)
Thank you for sharing and many blessings;-)
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I've run out of space before didn't notice it. Thank you for this one.
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;-)
Comment from Mistydawn
What a well-written, suspenseful chapter start to finish. You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I do hope whatever plan they choose is successful. Your artwork is perfect for the chapter.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
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What a well-written, suspenseful chapter start to finish. You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I do hope whatever plan they choose is successful. Your artwork is perfect for the chapter.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad it is doing what I want it to.