Twenty-Four Hours in the Field
Every moment in the field makes a difference19 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your swap quatrain for the club, Deb. I loved reading it. Your 'swap' works well for each verse. Your lines flow smoothly with good rhymes and great imagery. I could see everything you mentioned. I like the internal rhyme of leaves/tree with the cross rhyme of leaves/breeze. I love the idea of a day on the farm as the title proclaims. Your picture is beautiful, too. Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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You did a great job with your swap quatrain for the club, Deb. I loved reading it. Your 'swap' works well for each verse. Your lines flow smoothly with good rhymes and great imagery. I could see everything you mentioned. I like the internal rhyme of leaves/tree with the cross rhyme of leaves/breeze. I love the idea of a day on the farm as the title proclaims. Your picture is beautiful, too. Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Jan. I appreciate all your comments. I had a bit of help from a kind soul, so credit is shared. :)
Be blessed, my friend,
Deb
Comment from sherrygreywolf
Wow, kid! You'd think you were brought up out in the country. You captured the essence of living with the land and knowing how the sun affects every aspect of it. Wonderful use of descriptors put the reader inside the poem rather than on the outside just reading it. You followed all the requirements for a swap quatrain to the letter as far as I can tell. Great job - keep it up.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Wow, kid! You'd think you were brought up out in the country. You captured the essence of living with the land and knowing how the sun affects every aspect of it. Wonderful use of descriptors put the reader inside the poem rather than on the outside just reading it. You followed all the requirements for a swap quatrain to the letter as far as I can tell. Great job - keep it up.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Sherry, I hope you know how much this means coming from you ? Your writing is on the top rung for me. Thank you so much for the exceptiona rating ? You'll probably need it later. :) But I am nonored that you chose to give it to this poem.
And ? wait ? didn't we grow up in the country? LOL. A little different from this, huh. Can you imagine Daddy as a farmer?! :)
Later,
Blessings,
Deb
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Daddy a farmer? LMAO!
Comment from Minglement
I don't have a sixer, but this deserves it. What a beautiful, mellow read, enhanced by the soft tones in your presentation. I loved how you followed the sun's effect throughout the day. Just lovely. One question - In this line 'Rustling the leave on yonder trees.' did you mean leaves to be plural? Thank for sharing :)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I don't have a sixer, but this deserves it. What a beautiful, mellow read, enhanced by the soft tones in your presentation. I loved how you followed the sun's effect throughout the day. Just lovely. One question - In this line 'Rustling the leave on yonder trees.' did you mean leaves to be plural? Thank for sharing :)
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Darn! I thought 'leave' WAS plural! I'll go fix that little tpo. :) I'm sitting at the wrong height at my computer and my fingers don't always connect as solidly as they need to to get all the letters in. At least, that's my excuse this week. lol
Blessings and many thanks,
Deb
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LOL
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I thought your writing was very strong in this piece and you made your poem come to life with the descriptions you used. I really enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I thought your writing was very strong in this piece and you made your poem come to life with the descriptions you used. I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Jacob. I appreciate your review and kind words. :)
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from RodG
Although I am not a fan of the swap format, I'm impressed with how you handled this potlatch challenge. You describe the passage of a day on rural land and it's easy to visualize each phase. Nice appeal to a variety of senses. Rod
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Although I am not a fan of the swap format, I'm impressed with how you handled this potlatch challenge. You describe the passage of a day on rural land and it's easy to visualize each phase. Nice appeal to a variety of senses. Rod
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Rod. This was my first attempt at a swap quatrain, so I"m glad it wasn't a total mess and held your interest. :) I appreciate your review and kind words.
Blessings,
Deb
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My pleasure.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
O.K., no idea what this thing is, but I love the poem, it's so romantic and full of joy. I am witnessing the beauty and majestic touch of nature. I love this stanza: "A gentle hush the moonlight brings
And elevates us all to kings.
It slows each one from daily rush ...
The moonlight brings a gentle hush."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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O.K., no idea what this thing is, but I love the poem, it's so romantic and full of joy. I am witnessing the beauty and majestic touch of nature. I love this stanza: "A gentle hush the moonlight brings
And elevates us all to kings.
It slows each one from daily rush ...
The moonlight brings a gentle hush."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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A week ago, I didn't know what it was, either! lol. But that potlatch club ? it's making me learn and use my brin in a whole new way! :)
That last stanza is my favorite, too. I love the nighttime. And we can be anything we want in the moonoight, right? :)
Thank you, sweet friend,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I do enjoy that time of day, the quiet is so spiritually satisfying. It's like no other time in the day. Your descriptions are well written, taking us into those fields to watch the colours changing was so lovely. Well done, my friend. This was a pleasure to read. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I do enjoy that time of day, the quiet is so spiritually satisfying. It's like no other time in the day. Your descriptions are well written, taking us into those fields to watch the colours changing was so lovely. Well done, my friend. This was a pleasure to read. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Hi Sandra. Thank you so much for your kind words. :)
It's been a LOOOOONG time since I was a country girl, so writing this brought back wonderful memories for me. I didn't realize how much I missed those days. It was fun to learn a new style, so it was a plus in more ways than one. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
This is a cool poem! I have never tried a swap quatrain, but I want to at some point. You folks inspire me!
One question - in the third stanza, should that be 'leaves' with an 's'?
I really enjoyed this! Thank you!
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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Deb,
This is a cool poem! I have never tried a swap quatrain, but I want to at some point. You folks inspire me!
One question - in the third stanza, should that be 'leaves' with an 's'?
I really enjoyed this! Thank you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Hmm ? I think I thought it WAS leaves with an s. lol I'll go take a peek.
If I can inspire you, that's mind-blowing for me. Thank you so much for saying that. This is my first swap quatrain and it wasn't as hard as I imagined. Let me know when you write one! It'll be fantastic, I know.
Blessings,
Deb
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You are far too kind. Thank you!
Comment from JJ22
Nice poem! You have been super descriptive, and when reading it, I feel like I am right there in the fields and soaking up the natural world. It has a very Wordsworth-y vibe, which I'm a huge fan of. One small criticism I would make, would be that you appear to shift between past tense/ present tense between the verses (e.g. the sunrise shone -> sun warming our field), which detracted a little from the overall flow of the poem.
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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Nice poem! You have been super descriptive, and when reading it, I feel like I am right there in the fields and soaking up the natural world. It has a very Wordsworth-y vibe, which I'm a huge fan of. One small criticism I would make, would be that you appear to shift between past tense/ present tense between the verses (e.g. the sunrise shone -> sun warming our field), which detracted a little from the overall flow of the poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Hello, Jaye! Thank you for such kind words. I apprecate them.
And I agree about the tenses. I noticed it but was concerned about syllable count. I"ll revise that before I submit for publication, so thank yu for letting me know it was a distraction for you.
Be blessed,
Deb
