Twenty-Four Hours in the Field
Every moment in the field makes a difference19 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The changing scene of a field brought to life here, I struggled with the meter a little, but I enjoyed the sentiments here, a simple field lit by words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
  |
The changing scene of a field brought to life here, I struggled with the meter a little, but I enjoyed the sentiments here, a simple field lit by words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Dolly. :)
Apprciate your review and kind words.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Repetition, gentle words, meter and rhyme all make this poem sound like a prayer. For me, rhyme is very difficult, often sounds forced. You do a great job with this - I do prefer present tense, but I see rhyme would have been difficult. ;)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
Repetition, gentle words, meter and rhyme all make this poem sound like a prayer. For me, rhyme is very difficult, often sounds forced. You do a great job with this - I do prefer present tense, but I see rhyme would have been difficult. ;)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Hello again, my friend. :)
I come from a family of musicians and sang on stage as soon as I could figure out how to remember the words to songs. I think that gives me an edge with rhyming. I"m writingmusic now, so that helps, too. I'm an old traditionalist -- music gotta rhyme! lol
Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words. It means the world to me. I think this one will go into my submissions folder. I may try to find it a home. :) I think Ideals magazine might take it, o I'll start there.
Blessings this fine evening!
Deb
-
If you have any suggestions or wisdom about publishing, I'd be curious. I have recently thought of giving it a try... You can private message me if and when you get time...
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
Wow! This is beautiful. The image is very grand, as it tells a graphical story of your piece. What a solid entry. You've written well as usual. My very best wishes.
Cheers and blessings!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
 |
Wow! This is beautiful. The image is very grand, as it tells a graphical story of your piece. What a solid entry. You've written well as usual. My very best wishes.
Cheers and blessings!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Precious, you honor me again. Thank you.
I truly think this is the best thing I've ever written, poetry-wise. I wrote it and would close my eyes and try to remember each stage of the day from back when I lived in the country. It was absolutely cathardic to let my mind go back to those days. I felt peace and calm in a day when it just WASN'T. (Lots of crazy days here lately._
I'm blessed by you, my friend.
Deb
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
Hello there, my friend, this is such a lovely poem you've penned for the club. It's truly beautiful, you did a great job. Thanks for sharing.
~Kerry
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
Hello there, my friend, this is such a lovely poem you've penned for the club. It's truly beautiful, you did a great job. Thanks for sharing.
~Kerry
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Hello, Kerry. Thank you so much for your kind encouragement. I think it's probably one of the best things I've ever written. I'm glad you enjoyed it, as well. :)
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from Ulla
Hi Deb, I think you've written a lovely poem for the potlach challenge. It was not an easy one, but you've written a beautiful poem. It has great imagery and a wonderful Rhythm. All best.Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
Hi Deb, I think you've written a lovely poem for the potlach challenge. It was not an easy one, but you've written a beautiful poem. It has great imagery and a wonderful Rhythm. All best.Ulla:)))
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Ulla! Appreciate it.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Janice Canerdy
The swap quatrain is so appealing when done well. Yours IS done well. It is
creatively written and descriptive, conveying a message about nature and Creator God.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
The swap quatrain is so appealing when done well. Yours IS done well. It is
creatively written and descriptive, conveying a message about nature and Creator God.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Janice. That's so kind! Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
This is a lovely poem. I am glad you shared it with us. It gave me visions of peaceful farm scenes, and I really love that sort of thing for sure. Keep up the gret writing.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
This is a lovely poem. I am glad you shared it with us. It gave me visions of peaceful farm scenes, and I really love that sort of thing for sure. Keep up the gret writing.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Amanda. I love the peaceful part of the farming life (which I haven't done in years), but the hard-work part ? oi! lol. I am glad you enjoyed the poem and that it gave you that feeling of peace, if only for a few minutes. We all need it. :)
Blessings for the day,
Deb
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a lovely swap quatrain Deb as each verse takes us through a different part of the day on a farm. Lovely presentation, cheers valda
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
This is a lovely swap quatrain Deb as each verse takes us through a different part of the day on a farm. Lovely presentation, cheers valda
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Thank you again. It was a fun write. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from lightink
Hi,
This poem has a lively mix of Earthy and dreamy quality - one can see both man's and God's work in the rich imagery.
Also, you did a great job of involving multiple sense: Lights, heat, sounds!
I like how you lead us through the different parts of a day stanza by stanza - same romantic imagery and even tone while the Sun keeps shifting.
The following lines were my favorites:
"The Lord and sun increase its yield." - I love the Son+Lord combo
"A gentle hush the moonlight brings
And elevates us all to kings." - fascinating image
This is a fascinating form and the way you used it is lovely.
The meter almost perfectly iambic, with smaller trochaic substitutions.
I'm not certain how intentionally you use meter, but I'll look at how much the shift in meter follows shifts in the poem.
UpON our LAND, the SUNrise SHONE, - fully iambic
(CHANGing!) our WORLD in HUE and TONE. -trochaic start
seems to be a functional change of rhythm because it emphasizes the word 'change' - it's a keeper if it's intentional
As IF emBRACed by GOD's own HAND, -iambic
The SUNrise SHONE upON our LAND. -iambic
The NOONday SUN (WARMing!) our FILEd - warming is trochaic
-here the break in rhythm doesn't seem to serve anything specific but I can't come up with an iambic way that doesn't ruin the poem :) -
The LORD and SUN inCREASE its YIELD. -iambic
Though HARvest TIME's not YET begun, -iambic
(WARMing!) our FILEd, the NOONday SUN - same as earlier
With sunset comes a cooling breeze. -iambic
(Rustling!) the leaves on yonder trees. - rustling trochaic
- it seems like a pretty functional change in meter for it mirrors how the wind shifts around things
And into eve, long day succumbs.-iambic
A cooling breeze with sunset comes.-iambic
A gentle hush the moonlight brings -iambic
And elevates us all to kings. -iambic
It slows each one from daily rush ...-iambic
The moonlight brings a gentle hush.-iambic
I hope you don't mind me dissecting the meter. This is the first poem of yours I read so I'm not certain how you usually use meter - but it was interesting to take an in depth look at it.
Thank you again for sharing this amazing poem.
It makes me want to spend a whole week on that field :).
Warmly,
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
Hi,
This poem has a lively mix of Earthy and dreamy quality - one can see both man's and God's work in the rich imagery.
Also, you did a great job of involving multiple sense: Lights, heat, sounds!
I like how you lead us through the different parts of a day stanza by stanza - same romantic imagery and even tone while the Sun keeps shifting.
The following lines were my favorites:
"The Lord and sun increase its yield." - I love the Son+Lord combo
"A gentle hush the moonlight brings
And elevates us all to kings." - fascinating image
This is a fascinating form and the way you used it is lovely.
The meter almost perfectly iambic, with smaller trochaic substitutions.
I'm not certain how intentionally you use meter, but I'll look at how much the shift in meter follows shifts in the poem.
UpON our LAND, the SUNrise SHONE, - fully iambic
(CHANGing!) our WORLD in HUE and TONE. -trochaic start
seems to be a functional change of rhythm because it emphasizes the word 'change' - it's a keeper if it's intentional
As IF emBRACed by GOD's own HAND, -iambic
The SUNrise SHONE upON our LAND. -iambic
The NOONday SUN (WARMing!) our FILEd - warming is trochaic
-here the break in rhythm doesn't seem to serve anything specific but I can't come up with an iambic way that doesn't ruin the poem :) -
The LORD and SUN inCREASE its YIELD. -iambic
Though HARvest TIME's not YET begun, -iambic
(WARMing!) our FILEd, the NOONday SUN - same as earlier
With sunset comes a cooling breeze. -iambic
(Rustling!) the leaves on yonder trees. - rustling trochaic
- it seems like a pretty functional change in meter for it mirrors how the wind shifts around things
And into eve, long day succumbs.-iambic
A cooling breeze with sunset comes.-iambic
A gentle hush the moonlight brings -iambic
And elevates us all to kings. -iambic
It slows each one from daily rush ...-iambic
The moonlight brings a gentle hush.-iambic
I hope you don't mind me dissecting the meter. This is the first poem of yours I read so I'm not certain how you usually use meter - but it was interesting to take an in depth look at it.
Thank you again for sharing this amazing poem.
It makes me want to spend a whole week on that field :).
Warmly,
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Hello, lightink. It's nice to meet you. :)
I am the first to say that I'm a novelist and music tyricist who likes to pretend to be a poet. I use meter the way I would in writing a song. I'm not sure if that's a good way, a bad way, a common way or what, but it seems to work oay for me. lol
I loved the break down of the poem. I'l in learning mode, and you were a wonderful teacher. Thank you!
Feel free to dissect any time.
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
Super job with your swap quatrain! The meter is perfect and the swapping is perfect. You give us a beautiful picture of the field from sun rise to moonlight, while giving glory to God!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
|
Super job with your swap quatrain! The meter is perfect and the swapping is perfect. You give us a beautiful picture of the field from sun rise to moonlight, while giving glory to God!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Helen! Always appreciate you.
Blesings,
Deb
