The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Twist of Faith"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
12 total reviews
Comment from Minglement
Your intent is clear. I loved the part where the protagonist observed that it looked like the twister had peeled back the true nature of the place. You certainly left us hanging wondering what will happen with the Indian girl. The moment you mentioned her, my heart went out to her and I felt the tug of the heroine to help her. In your last sentence, I think you mean forced to 'wear' a feather ... Great story - it pulled me right in. Looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
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Your intent is clear. I loved the part where the protagonist observed that it looked like the twister had peeled back the true nature of the place. You certainly left us hanging wondering what will happen with the Indian girl. The moment you mentioned her, my heart went out to her and I felt the tug of the heroine to help her. In your last sentence, I think you mean forced to 'wear' a feather ... Great story - it pulled me right in. Looking forward to more.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your friendship and sharing our reviews of writing.
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My pleasure. Take care, Marcia
Comment from Ben Colder
Kanas is and has always been the twister place. Topeka especially. Talqueaw Okla gets is name for the same. Yes, I can see where thei is going.
Your time frame -Bleeding Kansas?
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Kanas is and has always been the twister place. Topeka especially. Talqueaw Okla gets is name for the same. Yes, I can see where thei is going.
Your time frame -Bleeding Kansas?
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I focused at first on the Nebraska Homestead Act and wanted to explore how their world closed in on both sides from the increasing raids on white settlers to the civil war and unrest in neighboring Kansas. I need to do way more research. Blessings around the bend! I feel so inadequate with my understanding. Humbly, thankful for your kinship, as blood brothers in Jesus.
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Hey Bro, check out Fort Tours.com I think they could have something you can use. FORT TOURS. Blood trail or other.
Comment from Alaskastory
"A Twist of Faith" is a chapter with a reaction to the tornado and in the town. It moves right along with new action.
On this I had trouble figuring out how these words described one scene with "thundered", "what like Tad?" and "cabin": "My next thoughts thundered over the men like Tad who were on my new cabin."
Typo: "Lydia clung to her man, like she had (down) for thirty years."
What damage is being referred to: "I think I did the most damage when I tumbled into a wet hole."
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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"A Twist of Faith" is a chapter with a reaction to the tornado and in the town. It moves right along with new action.
On this I had trouble figuring out how these words described one scene with "thundered", "what like Tad?" and "cabin": "My next thoughts thundered over the men like Tad who were on my new cabin."
Typo: "Lydia clung to her man, like she had (down) for thirty years."
What damage is being referred to: "I think I did the most damage when I tumbled into a wet hole."
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thanks, Marie.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A gripping tale of survival during a tornado, and the effects of the aftermath. The chapter ends with a mixed breed Indian girl in a saloon who is in need of rescue.
Nice job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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A gripping tale of survival during a tornado, and the effects of the aftermath. The chapter ends with a mixed breed Indian girl in a saloon who is in need of rescue.
Nice job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thanks, Rhonda
Comment from Shirley McLain
You did a good job and I enjoyed the read. I found one little thing for you to look at and It's below. I could feel the tension you created in the root cellar with the tornado. Have a great day. Shirley
in a crypt (other) than a
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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You did a good job and I enjoyed the read. I found one little thing for you to look at and It's below. I could feel the tension you created in the root cellar with the tornado. Have a great day. Shirley
in a crypt (other) than a
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thanks!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Exceptional content as always! I love how this is described moment by moment. Very tiny corrections to make:
I swear, it seemed we were in a crypt than a root cellar.
add word rather in front of word than
Her words sharp as broken glass. add word were in front of sharp
There was this quiver in her voice and her jaw trembled. add comma after voice
She tried to soothe the Mrs. With blind words. I think just say: She tried to soothe Mrs. McCord with blind words.
"I'll have a look see, Mrs. McCord," I said. I think put a hyphen between look and see
I had no idea if anything was left right side up. This might read better like this: I had no idea if anything was left standing right side up.
Please tell me girl! add comma after me
I looked at Maya who worried with her. I would put a comma after Maya
"For land's Sake!" un-capitalize sake
His wife rushed Mr. McCord, and nearly knocked him over. you can take the comma out after Mr. McCord
I stooped on the steps and gave Maya my hand who held my son.
I think try: I stooped on the steps and gave Maya my hand, who still held my son.
It ground was churned up toward the town, as if God tilled a path toward it. I think try: The ground was churned up toward the town, as if God tilled a path toward it.
My next thoughts thundered over the men like Tad who were on my new cabin. something about this sentence is awkward, try: My next thoughts thundered (and then see if this should be two sentences)
Looks like you went for a tussle, Mr. McCord," I said. add quotation marks before Looks
Lydia clung to her man, like she had down for thirty years. change down for done
She looked at me with warm regrets that I had no one to hold like that with my one husbands remains in the dirt. add apostrophe so it is husband's and add comma after hold like that
I turned away and took on my son and held him to my chest, so I could have piece of my late husband in my arms.
add the article a in front of piece
When the men arrived in the twilight from my cabin, they reported it still standing. I breathed a sigh and danced with my son with relief than joy. I think you mean then and not than
But soon word came from a man in town who works for the ranch. I think change works to worked
Some building were pried open as they had a lid removed. I think just add if in front of as they had a lid removed
Next day I returned to the town with a horse and wagon, expecting to load up what remained my possessions since pieces and parts of the hotel were gone. add of in front of my possessions and I think add a comma after possessions
I managed to climb the stairs that looked chewed away and with the help of Tad, the McCord's hired servant I was able to secure most of my possessions. Add a comma after servant since it is an appositive phrase being set off
One particular young girl an Indian half breed, I reckoned was no more that fourteen or fifteen was shoved back and forth between two men as if they had a mind to tug on her as a rope. add comma after girl as there is an appositive phrase that follows, and change that fourteen to than fourteen and add a comma after fifteen to finish setting off appositive phrase.
As we loaded up the wagon to return to the ranch, I spoke to Tad who was ready to tease the horse with the reins and get us moving up the hill on the path to where I find more comfort on the prairie. This feels like a long run-on, so maybe try: As we loaded up the wagon to return to the ranch, I spoke to Tad. He was starting to tease the horse with the reins to get us moving up the hill. I was already thinking of the path back to the cabin, where I could find more comfort than on the prairie. (or if I read that wrong, try: I was hoping to see once again the familiar path, where I find more comfort on the prairie.)
As I hiked my dress and lept off the buckboard toward the ruckus at the saloon, I told Tad, "Keep your place. I can handle myself." leapt instead of lept
Then I locked eyes with the Indian girl of stark blue eyes, braided black hair, forced to where a feather on her head.
change where to wear
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Exceptional content as always! I love how this is described moment by moment. Very tiny corrections to make:
I swear, it seemed we were in a crypt than a root cellar.
add word rather in front of word than
Her words sharp as broken glass. add word were in front of sharp
There was this quiver in her voice and her jaw trembled. add comma after voice
She tried to soothe the Mrs. With blind words. I think just say: She tried to soothe Mrs. McCord with blind words.
"I'll have a look see, Mrs. McCord," I said. I think put a hyphen between look and see
I had no idea if anything was left right side up. This might read better like this: I had no idea if anything was left standing right side up.
Please tell me girl! add comma after me
I looked at Maya who worried with her. I would put a comma after Maya
"For land's Sake!" un-capitalize sake
His wife rushed Mr. McCord, and nearly knocked him over. you can take the comma out after Mr. McCord
I stooped on the steps and gave Maya my hand who held my son.
I think try: I stooped on the steps and gave Maya my hand, who still held my son.
It ground was churned up toward the town, as if God tilled a path toward it. I think try: The ground was churned up toward the town, as if God tilled a path toward it.
My next thoughts thundered over the men like Tad who were on my new cabin. something about this sentence is awkward, try: My next thoughts thundered (and then see if this should be two sentences)
Looks like you went for a tussle, Mr. McCord," I said. add quotation marks before Looks
Lydia clung to her man, like she had down for thirty years. change down for done
She looked at me with warm regrets that I had no one to hold like that with my one husbands remains in the dirt. add apostrophe so it is husband's and add comma after hold like that
I turned away and took on my son and held him to my chest, so I could have piece of my late husband in my arms.
add the article a in front of piece
When the men arrived in the twilight from my cabin, they reported it still standing. I breathed a sigh and danced with my son with relief than joy. I think you mean then and not than
But soon word came from a man in town who works for the ranch. I think change works to worked
Some building were pried open as they had a lid removed. I think just add if in front of as they had a lid removed
Next day I returned to the town with a horse and wagon, expecting to load up what remained my possessions since pieces and parts of the hotel were gone. add of in front of my possessions and I think add a comma after possessions
I managed to climb the stairs that looked chewed away and with the help of Tad, the McCord's hired servant I was able to secure most of my possessions. Add a comma after servant since it is an appositive phrase being set off
One particular young girl an Indian half breed, I reckoned was no more that fourteen or fifteen was shoved back and forth between two men as if they had a mind to tug on her as a rope. add comma after girl as there is an appositive phrase that follows, and change that fourteen to than fourteen and add a comma after fifteen to finish setting off appositive phrase.
As we loaded up the wagon to return to the ranch, I spoke to Tad who was ready to tease the horse with the reins and get us moving up the hill on the path to where I find more comfort on the prairie. This feels like a long run-on, so maybe try: As we loaded up the wagon to return to the ranch, I spoke to Tad. He was starting to tease the horse with the reins to get us moving up the hill. I was already thinking of the path back to the cabin, where I could find more comfort than on the prairie. (or if I read that wrong, try: I was hoping to see once again the familiar path, where I find more comfort on the prairie.)
As I hiked my dress and lept off the buckboard toward the ruckus at the saloon, I told Tad, "Keep your place. I can handle myself." leapt instead of lept
Then I locked eyes with the Indian girl of stark blue eyes, braided black hair, forced to where a feather on her head.
change where to wear
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
Comment from BethShelby
It sounds like everyone had a close call but the storm didn't do to much damage except in town. I like that your character want to help the part Indian girl. I guess the men felt free to do as they pleased without regard to how she felt about it. You are so right about so many people still today who are treated as inferior.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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It sounds like everyone had a close call but the storm didn't do to much damage except in town. I like that your character want to help the part Indian girl. I guess the men felt free to do as they pleased without regard to how she felt about it. You are so right about so many people still today who are treated as inferior.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thanks!
Comment from Mistydawn
I'm so glad everyone is alright. Buildings and belongings can be replaced, people can't. It's nice of her to try to help the young girl. I just hope it all goes well. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, believable start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I'm so glad everyone is alright. Buildings and belongings can be replaced, people can't. It's nice of her to try to help the young girl. I just hope it all goes well. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, believable start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thanks again, Misty.
Comment from royowen
I absolutely agree with you. When the world devalues what is precious to God, then, it's time to perform a rescue job. The only problem is when somebody sees something bad going on and does nothing about it, that's bad, if the person taking the video did something then George May have been here today. Well done my friend, it really riles me. Particularly a child. Well done, great post, blessings Roy
Typo . like she had (down) for thirty years. Done? 2: Some building(s) 3: One particular young girl(,) 4: forced to (where) a feather in her head. Wear?
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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I absolutely agree with you. When the world devalues what is precious to God, then, it's time to perform a rescue job. The only problem is when somebody sees something bad going on and does nothing about it, that's bad, if the person taking the video did something then George May have been here today. Well done my friend, it really riles me. Particularly a child. Well done, great post, blessings Roy
Typo . like she had (down) for thirty years. Done? 2: Some building(s) 3: One particular young girl(,) 4: forced to (where) a feather in her head. Wear?
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thanks!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I hope in the next chapter the girl will be saved and in a better place. The moral of your story is still echoing in my head :"Thinking about how there's so much uneven treatment still in the world today, I just wanted to lead this story into a place where people of faith understand what it means to give all people a fair break in life." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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I hope in the next chapter the girl will be saved and in a better place. The moral of your story is still echoing in my head :"Thinking about how there's so much uneven treatment still in the world today, I just wanted to lead this story into a place where people of faith understand what it means to give all people a fair break in life." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thanks!
