John Pushed Through the Crowd
Waiting the return of his long-time girlfriend.3 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
You might want to add the word, "she" - as she stepped from the car- four lines up from the bottom. That will change your word count.
Good story, except she could have told him, before coming home - the dear old Dear John letter. :)
pome lover
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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You might want to add the word, "she" - as she stepped from the car- four lines up from the bottom. That will change your word count.
Good story, except she could have told him, before coming home - the dear old Dear John letter. :)
pome lover
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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You are correct, she could have, but she didn't. Maybe the rationalization, she couldn't do it in a letter. Thanks for the suggestion I will check out inserting she.
Comment from Diana Kane
I like this. I like the build up. I like his excitement versus her Stoney demeanor. I just think there needs to be a little bit more about her doing what she did or what she's feeling. It might be just one or two descriptive words either when he sees her through the window or as she stepped off the train.
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I like this. I like the build up. I like his excitement versus her Stoney demeanor. I just think there needs to be a little bit more about her doing what she did or what she's feeling. It might be just one or two descriptive words either when he sees her through the window or as she stepped off the train.
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Have edited re your suggestion to "Her eyes were misty, no smile. Thanks for read and comment.
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Excellent changes. Good luck in the contest!
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thank you
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
John's girlfriend returned but she tearfully sought apology for she married Dr. Foster and now she is pregnant; a tragic story; well said, well done; enjoyed the read; thank you for sharing this; keep writing. Good luck for the contest. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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John's girlfriend returned but she tearfully sought apology for she married Dr. Foster and now she is pregnant; a tragic story; well said, well done; enjoyed the read; thank you for sharing this; keep writing. Good luck for the contest. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Thanks for the read and comments. Much appreciated.
