The Throw
in the nick of...9 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
A beautiful flash fiction story for the Short Story(150 words) writing contest. Good word count. Nice characters development. Smooth story and great ending. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Hello my friend
A beautiful flash fiction story for the Short Story(150 words) writing contest. Good word count. Nice characters development. Smooth story and great ending. Well done.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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thank you so much.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is excellent. You have used your words effectively to create a well-crafted story that has a considerable amount of substance to it. I find the concept of someone waiting impatiently particularly attractive.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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This is excellent. You have used your words effectively to create a well-crafted story that has a considerable amount of substance to it. I find the concept of someone waiting impatiently particularly attractive.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you for your very nice review! It is much appreciated.
Yes, I think we all are experiencing impatient waiting at this point.
thanks again.
Comment from nor84
I wanted to give you a heads up. The contest announcement says: Write a short story (150 words - title not included in word count) beginning with this sentence:
John pushed through the crowd as he heard the train approaching.
The sentence is changed by the addition of the word Noisy. You need to omit the extra word.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I wanted to give you a heads up. The contest announcement says: Write a short story (150 words - title not included in word count) beginning with this sentence:
John pushed through the crowd as he heard the train approaching.
The sentence is changed by the addition of the word Noisy. You need to omit the extra word.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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yikes, thanks! deleted it and added a word, later.
many thanks!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like the endeavour, the story is written well, but I think I did not fully or completely understand the main point; I understood that John found his bag behind the toilet of the train and hurried off the train, but why boom? I think the story needs some more flesh; thank you for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I like the endeavour, the story is written well, but I think I did not fully or completely understand the main point; I understood that John found his bag behind the toilet of the train and hurried off the train, but why boom? I think the story needs some more flesh; thank you for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Al, the package was a bomb. It explains itself in the "BOOM."
Can't do much fleshing out in 150 words but I tried.
Thanks for reading and for your comments.
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I've read a few of these stories for this competition now and it's been interesting to see everyone's different take on it. I thought this was a fast paced read and you managed to include a lot of action in a very short story. I enjoyed reading it, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I've read a few of these stories for this competition now and it's been interesting to see everyone's different take on it. I thought this was a fast paced read and you managed to include a lot of action in a very short story. I enjoyed reading it, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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thanks so much, Jacob. Your comments are appreciated!
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
This was a very great story. I loved the last line and then the 'boom!' I think you have done a really great job with this writing prompt. I hope to read more of your work soon.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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This was a very great story. I loved the last line and then the 'boom!' I think you have done a really great job with this writing prompt. I hope to read more of your work soon.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Bless you, Amanda for your kind words and the lovely 6!! I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from January L'Angelle
This was like an action hero movie. I liked it. I liked the BOOM at the end. The story was interesting and sort of Bond-ish. I like the 007 series so I liked it. The writing was very well put together. Great job! -January L.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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This was like an action hero movie. I liked it. I liked the BOOM at the end. The story was interesting and sort of Bond-ish. I like the 007 series so I liked it. The writing was very well put together. Great job! -January L.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Am grinning at your remarks and most appreciative. Thanks so much.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
As established in the first paragraph, there is high drama presented in this posting, as well as an averted catastrophe in the end. This is covered by the BOOM! and no blown up passenger train.
In the second paragraph, the culprit gave himself away by his hurried actions that included bumping into the brunette.
The last paragraph is a bit of a run-on sentence. May want to reconsider crisper ones, perhaps something along the lines of: Grabbing it, John hurried off the train. He raised his arm as he did in his glory days in college and sent a Hail Mary pass down the empty track. (Would not change the word count.)
My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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As established in the first paragraph, there is high drama presented in this posting, as well as an averted catastrophe in the end. This is covered by the BOOM! and no blown up passenger train.
In the second paragraph, the culprit gave himself away by his hurried actions that included bumping into the brunette.
The last paragraph is a bit of a run-on sentence. May want to reconsider crisper ones, perhaps something along the lines of: Grabbing it, John hurried off the train. He raised his arm as he did in his glory days in college and sent a Hail Mary pass down the empty track. (Would not change the word count.)
My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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thanks for reading and for your constructive comments.
would like to recommend you for your critique if possible as I didn't first time around.
Comment from Praveen J.
Very cool ! John saves the day again :) To be pedantic, perhaps you want to remove the word noisy from the first sentence ? Otherwise the narrative is taut. Nothing superfluous. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Very cool ! John saves the day again :) To be pedantic, perhaps you want to remove the word noisy from the first sentence ? Otherwise the narrative is taut. Nothing superfluous. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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thanks, someone else caught that, too, and I made haste. :)
Thanks for your catch and your comments.
