Mother Earth
I've been isolated too long21 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Very well done Bbob. Yes, but unfortunately man is not changing anythng on the ledger to fix a sick planet. i especially liked these lines;
"We've poisoned earth's clean atmosphere
With gases, smoke, smog and haze
Is this pandemic God's warning
To mankind to change his ways."
Take care my friend. :) Bob
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Very well done Bbob. Yes, but unfortunately man is not changing anythng on the ledger to fix a sick planet. i especially liked these lines;
"We've poisoned earth's clean atmosphere
With gases, smoke, smog and haze
Is this pandemic God's warning
To mankind to change his ways."
Take care my friend. :) Bob
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thanks Bob. Great to hear from you. Hope you're books are selling well. I've had some encouraging news. Three weeks ago, Jane Dystel, the New York Agent requested the full manuscript of one of my earlier stories. I'm anxiously awaiting her reply.
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Good form you Bob. BTW. Her agency is one of the 219 I queried when I was looking for a publisher. way back before I got my first novel published. Good luck. :) Bob
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I do so agree with you Bob. How will we ever undo the damage done? What they have been finding on the beaches and in the ocean, islands of trash! What can we do to eliminate what is out there? It's the same in the U.S. Recently beachgoers left a mountain of trash after their first visit back to the beach. Good Job. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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I do so agree with you Bob. How will we ever undo the damage done? What they have been finding on the beaches and in the ocean, islands of trash! What can we do to eliminate what is out there? It's the same in the U.S. Recently beachgoers left a mountain of trash after their first visit back to the beach. Good Job. Nancy:)
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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We humans are such a lazy group. We've stuffed up our planet badly. Let's hope we're smart enough to learn the lesson before it really is too late.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Journalists have been reporting on how much cleaner the air is (of course) since the pandemic hit. Your well-written cautionary poem is a strong reminder that we have NOT taken care of the earth--as God commanded in the beginning!
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Journalists have been reporting on how much cleaner the air is (of course) since the pandemic hit. Your well-written cautionary poem is a strong reminder that we have NOT taken care of the earth--as God commanded in the beginning!
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Guess it proves the old saying, something good comes out of every bad situation. And science suggests the air quality and oceans are indeed benefiting from the absence of human carelessness. Thank you Janice for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Your poem is spot on, Bob. There is much positive that we could, and should, be taking from this virus pandemic. One of the obvious lessons, like you say, comes from Mother Earth. Without the pollution, Mother Earth seems to be healing itself. This pandemic serves as a warning--heed Mother Earth before it is too late. It's a though someone is giving us a second chance to do things right.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Your poem is spot on, Bob. There is much positive that we could, and should, be taking from this virus pandemic. One of the obvious lessons, like you say, comes from Mother Earth. Without the pollution, Mother Earth seems to be healing itself. This pandemic serves as a warning--heed Mother Earth before it is too late. It's a though someone is giving us a second chance to do things right.
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you Debbie. You've interpreted it exactly as I intended. The human race, supposedly the smartest of all animals is certainly dumb in the way it looks after the place. Let's hope he's learned a lesson here.
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
I like the message and think it's a universal warning, but the text limits it to Australia (Sidney to Perth).
I like your repetition of certain phrases, but suggest you be more consistent and deliberate to make a greater impact. For example, the first sentence begins with a contraction (It's), which doesn't sound as strong and commanding as "It is." Later you use "It is time" twice to make a very strong point. Perhaps you could write: "It is time we heed a warning" in your first line.
The rhyme in your second stanza doesn't match the three other stanzas. You've used a 8-7-8-7 scheme in the first, third and fourth stanzas, but a 8-8-8-7 scheme in the second stanza. I suggest you write the second line in the second stanza: Our oceans and salty seas (for 7 syllables).
I do think you should use punctuation. It helps to emphasize your message.
I got tangled up thinking about Mother Earth (feminine) and mankind (masculine). Previously, writers thought the issue about mankind is whether it is singular or plural. But now how do we refer to mankind as gender neutral (even if we want to)? But since you're referring to "Mother Earth," you seem to be pitting the feminine, beneficent Mother Earth against destructive mankind, which can be construed as masculine. I know this stirs the bees' nest, but be aware of the possibilities of the reader misconstruing what is your real message.
Choose what is most important to repeat and make it obvious. You write ""It is time we paid attention" to great effect. Do you mean to repeat in the second stanza "far too..."? I suggest changing one of those phrases because the repetition detracts from the very effective repetition of "It is time..." Your warning is important.
I think many people will relate to you poem. It is a straightforward assessment of where we are and should be appreciated by everyone-whether the reader sees God's purpose in this pandemic or sees a scientific outcome of survival of the fittest.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I like the message and think it's a universal warning, but the text limits it to Australia (Sidney to Perth).
I like your repetition of certain phrases, but suggest you be more consistent and deliberate to make a greater impact. For example, the first sentence begins with a contraction (It's), which doesn't sound as strong and commanding as "It is." Later you use "It is time" twice to make a very strong point. Perhaps you could write: "It is time we heed a warning" in your first line.
The rhyme in your second stanza doesn't match the three other stanzas. You've used a 8-7-8-7 scheme in the first, third and fourth stanzas, but a 8-8-8-7 scheme in the second stanza. I suggest you write the second line in the second stanza: Our oceans and salty seas (for 7 syllables).
I do think you should use punctuation. It helps to emphasize your message.
I got tangled up thinking about Mother Earth (feminine) and mankind (masculine). Previously, writers thought the issue about mankind is whether it is singular or plural. But now how do we refer to mankind as gender neutral (even if we want to)? But since you're referring to "Mother Earth," you seem to be pitting the feminine, beneficent Mother Earth against destructive mankind, which can be construed as masculine. I know this stirs the bees' nest, but be aware of the possibilities of the reader misconstruing what is your real message.
Choose what is most important to repeat and make it obvious. You write ""It is time we paid attention" to great effect. Do you mean to repeat in the second stanza "far too..."? I suggest changing one of those phrases because the repetition detracts from the very effective repetition of "It is time..." Your warning is important.
I think many people will relate to you poem. It is a straightforward assessment of where we are and should be appreciated by everyone-whether the reader sees God's purpose in this pandemic or sees a scientific outcome of survival of the fittest.
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you Melissa for reading and reviewing Mother Earth. I must confess I hadn't considered gender when I was writing this, your interpretation though is interesting. I do however greatly appreciate your in-depth reply. It's so good to get a response that is more than two lines.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I agree with every word and this lockdown has given our planet a bit of a breather and chance to have a rest! Good rhymes and flow and a joy to read Bob, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I agree with every word and this lockdown has given our planet a bit of a breather and chance to have a rest! Good rhymes and flow and a joy to read Bob, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you Dolly. I agree about the breather bit. I think poor Mother Earth needed the break even more that we did. Let's hope we have all learned a lesson and we've learned the need to show our planet the respect she deserves.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I think Mother Earth has a little bit of respiro with this lock-down, less activity, but I don't think we learnt anything from this.
We've poisoned earth's clean atmosphere
With gases, smoke, smog and haze
Is this pandemic God's warning
To mankind to change his ways
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I think Mother Earth has a little bit of respiro with this lock-down, less activity, but I don't think we learnt anything from this.
We've poisoned earth's clean atmosphere
With gases, smoke, smog and haze
Is this pandemic God's warning
To mankind to change his ways
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I think I agree with you. We're either too dumb or too arrogant to learn. I think most will quickly go back to their old apathetic ways. Which really is sad. I hope I'm wrong
Comment from Sankey
Yep mate certainly God is trying to get all our attention. You are not wrong about that. This is a great message. I also liked the set out and rhyme and al that. No spags.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Yep mate certainly God is trying to get all our attention. You are not wrong about that. This is a great message. I also liked the set out and rhyme and al that. No spags.
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you Sankey. I appreciate your taking the time to read and respond to my poem.
Comment from Ignatius Albright
A very nice piece of poetry. It's got a nice rhythm and I could not agree with your message more!
Thank you very much for sharing. Keep writing!
Much love,
Ignatius A
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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A very nice piece of poetry. It's got a nice rhythm and I could not agree with your message more!
Thank you very much for sharing. Keep writing!
Much love,
Ignatius A
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you Ignatius for reading and reviewing Mother Earth. Your comments are appreciated.
Comment from Margaret Bednar
"Our country is still in lockdown" Do you like "Our country's still in lockdown" for rhythm? This is a well-done commentary on our current times and I certainly hope it isn't God's wrath as opposed to his allowing bad things to happen... sigh.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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"Our country is still in lockdown" Do you like "Our country's still in lockdown" for rhythm? This is a well-done commentary on our current times and I certainly hope it isn't God's wrath as opposed to his allowing bad things to happen... sigh.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review. In regard to the line you quote, I was attempting to maintain an eight syllable count. Maybe, 'Our country's strugglin' in lockdown,' might be a better option. Thanks for helping improve Mother Earth.
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I have to pay more attention to whether poetry is free-verse or a certain count is trying to be maintained.
