Boys of Summer
For my boys and my dad - times together through the year...9 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This senryu, Boys of Summer, is presented in a 5-7-5 formatting and focuses on a time when gooey mitts are a fun thing to be exposed to.
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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This senryu, Boys of Summer, is presented in a 5-7-5 formatting and focuses on a time when gooey mitts are a fun thing to be exposed to.
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Thank you for your review!!
Comment from Lance S. Loria
This appears to be a non contest 5-7-5 poem for fun. Going to the fair is definitely fun. I agree with your comment that the artwork, with a closeup of the boy's clean hands, doesn't fit the story. In the final line, the use of mem'ries is a forced fit. Perhaps delete "life's" and go with "sticky memories".
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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This appears to be a non contest 5-7-5 poem for fun. Going to the fair is definitely fun. I agree with your comment that the artwork, with a closeup of the boy's clean hands, doesn't fit the story. In the final line, the use of mem'ries is a forced fit. Perhaps delete "life's" and go with "sticky memories".
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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thank you.
Comment from Joan E.
I have such memories of my son hovering over his train set with his grandfather. I relished your reinforcing our sense of touch with the vivid "cotton candy hands" and "sticky mem'ries". Best wishes in the 5-7-5 senryu contest- Joan
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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I have such memories of my son hovering over his train set with his grandfather. I relished your reinforcing our sense of touch with the vivid "cotton candy hands" and "sticky mem'ries". Best wishes in the 5-7-5 senryu contest- Joan
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
cotton candy hands
fisted tight in Paw-Paw's shirt ~
life's midway mem'ries
Kids are so funny, they come up with very truthful words about their surroundings and their close family paw-paw it's a very nice name for their granddad. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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cotton candy hands
fisted tight in Paw-Paw's shirt ~
life's midway mem'ries
Kids are so funny, they come up with very truthful words about their surroundings and their close family paw-paw it's a very nice name for their granddad. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Andrewm
An interesting effort and because of that it's very intriguing.You sum up the feeling of going to a fairground well.What are Paw-paw shirts?Lifes midway memories has a good ring to it
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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An interesting effort and because of that it's very intriguing.You sum up the feeling of going to a fairground well.What are Paw-paw shirts?Lifes midway memories has a good ring to it
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
I love the imagery, but not sure about the last word. I get that it's poetic licence. I think it's a very good summer poee still, and I really enjoyed you letting us read it.
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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I love the imagery, but not sure about the last word. I get that it's poetic licence. I think it's a very good summer poee still, and I really enjoyed you letting us read it.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Diana Kane
I know those grubby little hands well. Very visual. So few words and yet so many emotions tapped into. Absolutely fabulous job! I really loved it and think you were right on point.
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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I know those grubby little hands well. Very visual. So few words and yet so many emotions tapped into. Absolutely fabulous job! I really loved it and think you were right on point.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Mary Furlong
Good job of fulfilling a difficult assignment. I'm sure you longed for more words with which to record the wonderful memories you have of your boys and their grandfather. Your regret that you couldn't find a picture of a 'little guy' asleep on his Paw Paw's shoulder tells a lot about a warm family relationship.
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Good job of fulfilling a difficult assignment. I'm sure you longed for more words with which to record the wonderful memories you have of your boys and their grandfather. Your regret that you couldn't find a picture of a 'little guy' asleep on his Paw Paw's shoulder tells a lot about a warm family relationship.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Comment from AJ McCall
Lovely poem about a dad! Pretty easy to understand. Every kid needs a dad to grab ahold of when they're at the carnival or eating some candy cotton! Great poem!
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Lovely poem about a dad! Pretty easy to understand. Every kid needs a dad to grab ahold of when they're at the carnival or eating some candy cotton! Great poem!
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Thank you!