Monster of the Deep
Children's Poetry6 total reviews
Comment from Monica Chaddick
I enjoyed the concept of the poem and the imagery that you selected to go along with it. As I read your poem, I had some trouble with finding a flow that I could settle into. It seemed to me that it was a little forced.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I enjoyed the concept of the poem and the imagery that you selected to go along with it. As I read your poem, I had some trouble with finding a flow that I could settle into. It seemed to me that it was a little forced.
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thankyou.
This is a " Bi-trillet".
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Comment from WalkerMan
This is a delightful poem for children (and people of all ages), whether or not they like to fish. (The only exceptions would be people for whom fishing is such a vital part of how they feed themselves that any catch lost would be considered a calamity.)
You picked just the right form for this poem -- tercet stanzas consisting of a ten-syllable line with internal rhyme of fifth and tenth syllables, plus an eight-syllable rhyming couplet -- for fast-paced reading.
Your vivid imagery makes it easy to visualize this young boy rushing along a forest trail (stanza 1), tightly carrying buckets of live worms (stanza 2), and dreaming of winning a prize for catching a giant fish (stanza 3); then, in his boat, imagining catching the "watery beast" that evaded all others' tries (stanza 4), thinking about how to use the worms to lure the fish (stanza 5), and finally succeeding in catching it -- to the anticipated envy of all who tried before him (stanza 6).
Yet, your own warm heart comes through in stanza 7, providing a lesson in compassion over desire for fame ("oh, who needs a crown, anyway?") as he recognizes the fish's plight and lets it slip free.
This is the kind of children's story-in-a-poem that can endure the test of time. It should be published, and eventually may appear in children's anthologies as a standard inclusion.
Superb, and most aptly illustrated.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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This is a delightful poem for children (and people of all ages), whether or not they like to fish. (The only exceptions would be people for whom fishing is such a vital part of how they feed themselves that any catch lost would be considered a calamity.)
You picked just the right form for this poem -- tercet stanzas consisting of a ten-syllable line with internal rhyme of fifth and tenth syllables, plus an eight-syllable rhyming couplet -- for fast-paced reading.
Your vivid imagery makes it easy to visualize this young boy rushing along a forest trail (stanza 1), tightly carrying buckets of live worms (stanza 2), and dreaming of winning a prize for catching a giant fish (stanza 3); then, in his boat, imagining catching the "watery beast" that evaded all others' tries (stanza 4), thinking about how to use the worms to lure the fish (stanza 5), and finally succeeding in catching it -- to the anticipated envy of all who tried before him (stanza 6).
Yet, your own warm heart comes through in stanza 7, providing a lesson in compassion over desire for fame ("oh, who needs a crown, anyway?") as he recognizes the fish's plight and lets it slip free.
This is the kind of children's story-in-a-poem that can endure the test of time. It should be published, and eventually may appear in children's anthologies as a standard inclusion.
Superb, and most aptly illustrated.
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Mike.
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You are most welcome, Susan. Others might write something on a similar theme of a boy or girl catching such a fish, but only you would end it with the compassionate choice to free it rather than win a prize. -- Mike
Comment from Seville Bates
I truly enjoyed this poem. The imagery captures the spirit of the poem by supporting the vivid language the poet uses to tell the story about a child going fishing to catch this "watery beast", in order to win some positive notoriety in his hometown. Effective rhyme, meter and tempo are consistent up to the end. It has a lighthearted flow. I love the surprise ending. If we did not read to the very end of the poem and based it on the image alone, we might think that the fish had been captured and caught. Oh no! It got away! I hope you win this contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I truly enjoyed this poem. The imagery captures the spirit of the poem by supporting the vivid language the poet uses to tell the story about a child going fishing to catch this "watery beast", in order to win some positive notoriety in his hometown. Effective rhyme, meter and tempo are consistent up to the end. It has a lighthearted flow. I love the surprise ending. If we did not read to the very end of the poem and based it on the image alone, we might think that the fish had been captured and caught. Oh no! It got away! I hope you win this contest.
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Seville :-)
Comment from MissMerri
Wow! Such a fun children's poem. I think especially a young boy would love this, but girls too, if they like to fish. It is full of fun words and great action, all so appealing to any reader of any age. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Wow! Such a fun children's poem. I think especially a young boy would love this, but girls too, if they like to fish. It is full of fun words and great action, all so appealing to any reader of any age. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from SS. Anjum
Nice poem....enjoyed reading it.......i find fishing tough though never tried....its so disappointing after you catch and then the fish somehow slips back in water....well your poetry had good lines.....all the best
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Nice poem....enjoyed reading it.......i find fishing tough though never tried....its so disappointing after you catch and then the fish somehow slips back in water....well your poetry had good lines.....all the best
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from January L'Angelle
This is a really cute children's poem about catching a big fish. I could see this as a book with pictures for kids to enjoy. It has some great visual cues. Well penned. -January L.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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This is a really cute children's poem about catching a big fish. I could see this as a book with pictures for kids to enjoy. It has some great visual cues. Well penned. -January L.
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much :-)
