True Treasure
20 line poem18 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This twenty-line poem, True Treasure, has the required length and a terrific format that brings the song into your work. I like how your message boils down to the love of another, who loves us back, is the greatest treasure. Well said.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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This twenty-line poem, True Treasure, has the required length and a terrific format that brings the song into your work. I like how your message boils down to the love of another, who loves us back, is the greatest treasure. Well said.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Bill.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Susan. This is a wonderful poem from top to bottom. Bravo!
These are my favorite lines:
"Vast oceans wander, blue Heaven's ponder,
whilst navigating 'pon foreign land.
From distant seacoast,
to secret outpost ..."
God bless you. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Hi Susan. This is a wonderful poem from top to bottom. Bravo!
These are my favorite lines:
"Vast oceans wander, blue Heaven's ponder,
whilst navigating 'pon foreign land.
From distant seacoast,
to secret outpost ..."
God bless you. : ) Bob
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Bob :-)
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You are welcome Susan. A month ago? LOL : ) Bob
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...sorry, forgive, I've just been dealing with a lot of stuff.
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quite alright Suze. : ) Bob
Comment from Bill Pinder
I like this poem that speaks of value in a healthy pride in yourself above riches. Thanks for sharing your creativity in this unique writing. Keep writing and stay safe. Bill
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I like this poem that speaks of value in a healthy pride in yourself above riches. Thanks for sharing your creativity in this unique writing. Keep writing and stay safe. Bill
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Bill.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written twenty line poem about finding and discover the true treasures in life tat is not always shiny and precious jewels but the little things we can enjoy with our loved ones.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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A very well-written twenty line poem about finding and discover the true treasures in life tat is not always shiny and precious jewels but the little things we can enjoy with our loved ones.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Sandra.
Comment from Sally Law
I apologize for no six, dear Susan. This is a delight as is all your poetry. I see you have mastered it all. I especially loved this one, as it spoke of your life and where your treasure lies. True riches are the intangibles, what is weighed with the heart. I get you. :)
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest. A winner here!!
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I apologize for no six, dear Susan. This is a delight as is all your poetry. I see you have mastered it all. I especially loved this one, as it spoke of your life and where your treasure lies. True riches are the intangibles, what is weighed with the heart. I get you. :)
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest. A winner here!!
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you again sally :-)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A warm hearted write in a Limerick style here Susan and I thought this was unusual, romantic and a joy to read, money cannot buy these unique feelings, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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A warm hearted write in a Limerick style here Susan and I thought this was unusual, romantic and a joy to read, money cannot buy these unique feelings, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you Dolly :-)
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I read in the comments the form you used is quite complicated. I would have liked to see that in the author's notes as it would help to critique the piece. A message about love really can't be bought, can't buy true happiness, but for me, there are a few lines that confuse me. The first line of the second stanza ... and (no longer care why) - I just don't understand what it is trying to say. I applaud the strict rules here but I think sometimes it can really be hard finding the right rhyme or rhythm to get the message clearly across. So I applaud you there.
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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I read in the comments the form you used is quite complicated. I would have liked to see that in the author's notes as it would help to critique the piece. A message about love really can't be bought, can't buy true happiness, but for me, there are a few lines that confuse me. The first line of the second stanza ... and (no longer care why) - I just don't understand what it is trying to say. I applaud the strict rules here but I think sometimes it can really be hard finding the right rhyme or rhythm to get the message clearly across. So I applaud you there.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Thank you for reading. I often use quite a lot of imagery in my poetry. I will add the form in notes but, usually not an explanation of the theme. I leave that up to the reader.I try to keep the general theme clear...as far as the lines you refer to..
Should riches take hold, lean, dwindling billfold, ( basically more money in a wallet where before there was little)
and the line about "careless"...wen compared to finding a love or true friendship...all te previous worldy possessions can't compare. I hope that helps to understand the poem better.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a poem that reminds us that love is worth more than any money.
I like the internal rhyme in all the first lines and the unusual rhyme scheme
of (aa)bccb of each stanza.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 14-May-2020
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This is a poem that reminds us that love is worth more than any money.
I like the internal rhyme in all the first lines and the unusual rhyme scheme
of (aa)bccb of each stanza.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 14-May-2020
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Thank you Joan :-)
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You're welcome, Susan.
Joan
Comment from WalkerMan
Is there any poem you write that isn't a delight?
First, I like the form you chose, each stanza consisting of a ten-syllable line with internal rhyme (syllables 5 and 10) followed by an envelope quatrain (abba rhyme scheme) with nine syllables in lines 2 and 5, and five syllables in lines 3 and 4. Your words adhered to this form perfectly.
In stanza one, I like the comparison of a warm heart to the glow within a precious gemstone (such as a ruby).
Stanza two is a wise reminder that worldly possessions may be appealing at a glance, but have no lasting value to heart or spirit.
Stanza three suggests that extensive travel, even to exotic or secret destinations, ultimately may not satisfy either.
Stanza four provides the wise answer that wealth, possessions, and travel do not -- two warm and selfless hearts finding each other and holding on despite all manner of worldly temptations and stresses.
Superbly lovely, brilliant, and comforting, as well as aptly illustrated.
reply by the author on 14-May-2020
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Is there any poem you write that isn't a delight?
First, I like the form you chose, each stanza consisting of a ten-syllable line with internal rhyme (syllables 5 and 10) followed by an envelope quatrain (abba rhyme scheme) with nine syllables in lines 2 and 5, and five syllables in lines 3 and 4. Your words adhered to this form perfectly.
In stanza one, I like the comparison of a warm heart to the glow within a precious gemstone (such as a ruby).
Stanza two is a wise reminder that worldly possessions may be appealing at a glance, but have no lasting value to heart or spirit.
Stanza three suggests that extensive travel, even to exotic or secret destinations, ultimately may not satisfy either.
Stanza four provides the wise answer that wealth, possessions, and travel do not -- two warm and selfless hearts finding each other and holding on despite all manner of worldly temptations and stresses.
Superbly lovely, brilliant, and comforting, as well as aptly illustrated.
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 14-May-2020
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Spot on Mike! I am quite pleased you like this. Thanks for reading and for the great review! Much appreciated.
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You are most welcome, Susan. My last review sentence says it all. :)) -- Mike
Comment from Mary Furlong
You have certainly challenged me with this unusual poetic form. I think you are talking about the ongoing conflict between spiritual/love connections and the worldly treasures that tempt us all. Of course, the spirit wins, even after a few lapses. So far. So good. But I'm not sure that trying to transform the Cardelle into a 20 line poem really works. I may be wrong. I hope so. Maybe you'll win the contest and prove it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-May-2020
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You have certainly challenged me with this unusual poetic form. I think you are talking about the ongoing conflict between spiritual/love connections and the worldly treasures that tempt us all. Of course, the spirit wins, even after a few lapses. So far. So good. But I'm not sure that trying to transform the Cardelle into a 20 line poem really works. I may be wrong. I hope so. Maybe you'll win the contest and prove it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2020
reply by the author on 14-May-2020
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Ok, good point. I can also just remove the listed form completely. Thanks for the review.
