The Lioness of Shadi
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Horse-Warrior"A fantasy adventure out of antiquity
4 total reviews
Comment from Faith Williams
Ooo, I like Shir Del and your description of her in your notes as one who can walk among dreams. Love the introduction of a female warrior as well.
A couple suggestions to consider:
(Their) sorcerer stopped in the street... Did you mean 'the'?
'No story suggested (that) sorcerers were easy to be rid of, and their ire was legendary.' I think you could delete 'that'.
I am really enjoying this story.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
  |
Ooo, I like Shir Del and your description of her in your notes as one who can walk among dreams. Love the introduction of a female warrior as well.
A couple suggestions to consider:
(Their) sorcerer stopped in the street... Did you mean 'the'?
'No story suggested (that) sorcerers were easy to be rid of, and their ire was legendary.' I think you could delete 'that'.
I am really enjoying this story.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
-
Those pesky "that"s are a problem. Sorry about that. I?ll see if I can trim out any other extraneous ones along with that one. Thank you so much for reading!
Comment from Gunner Lil
Excellent writing. Building a new world is difficult but you have done it with no problem.
An easy read with excellent pace. The fight was done well with good action.
Your sensory description is envied by this writer.
Good dialog helping to move the action.
Want more! Thank you!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
|
Excellent writing. Building a new world is difficult but you have done it with no problem.
An easy read with excellent pace. The fight was done well with good action.
Your sensory description is envied by this writer.
Good dialog helping to move the action.
Want more! Thank you!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
-
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it. I'm glad it came out well and I'm sorry for the delay in reply. I hope you have a great day!
Comment from BlueTiger
Great work. You draw the reader in from the first few lines and build the world around them so that it's easy to follow. Dialogue was natural and flowed well. Compelling story and interesting characters. No grammar mistakes I could find.
-BT
reply by the author on 13-May-2020
 |
Great work. You draw the reader in from the first few lines and build the world around them so that it's easy to follow. Dialogue was natural and flowed well. Compelling story and interesting characters. No grammar mistakes I could find.
-BT
Comment Written 13-May-2020
reply by the author on 13-May-2020
-
Thank you very much for reviewing! I'm glad the dialogue came out well. It's been the hardest to write.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Everyone runs after the truth, we mostly wish to open or unveil mystery; I like this fantasy fantastic taletelling; good dialogues; nice beginning, if not catchy; generalized ending; well said, well done; enjoyed the read; thanks for sharing this; keep posting. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 13-May-2020
|
Everyone runs after the truth, we mostly wish to open or unveil mystery; I like this fantasy fantastic taletelling; good dialogues; nice beginning, if not catchy; generalized ending; well said, well done; enjoyed the read; thanks for sharing this; keep posting. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 13-May-2020
reply by the author on 13-May-2020
-
Thank you very much for reviewing! I'll keep working on it.
