Black Heart, Blue Eyes
A doomed relationship.11 total reviews
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This poem is very well written, full if raw emotion, and deep thoughts. You are able to think and reason over and above the emotional pain you suffered which is amazing and shows your mettle. Well done!
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This poem is very well written, full if raw emotion, and deep thoughts. You are able to think and reason over and above the emotional pain you suffered which is amazing and shows your mettle. Well done!
Comment Written 12-May-2020
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Black Heart, Blue Eyes
Hello my friend
An interesting poem for the
Short and Colorful writing prompt. You used black and blue which makes me think of violence. It's about a relationship turn bad... terrible. Good job with the poem.
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Black Heart, Blue Eyes
Hello my friend
An interesting poem for the
Short and Colorful writing prompt. You used black and blue which makes me think of violence. It's about a relationship turn bad... terrible. Good job with the poem.
Comment Written 11-May-2020
Comment from SS. Anjum
Mesmerizing! These are the thoughts I'm going through right now...can connect to every line of yours!.....very thoughtful...thanks for sharing.....good luck!
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Mesmerizing! These are the thoughts I'm going through right now...can connect to every line of yours!.....very thoughtful...thanks for sharing.....good luck!
Comment Written 11-May-2020
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
You've described beautifully a relationship gone down the wrong path and that before ending has resulted in physical violence. A relationship should have ended long before this. I like the message conveyed in this and how you've presented this in detail with such beautifully descriptive wording. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
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You've described beautifully a relationship gone down the wrong path and that before ending has resulted in physical violence. A relationship should have ended long before this. I like the message conveyed in this and how you've presented this in detail with such beautifully descriptive wording. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 11-May-2020
Comment from bhogg
Black and Blue...Been there, done that. Your post was easy to read with a pleasant rhyme scheme and flowed smoothly. Hope there is no element of truth! Bill
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Black and Blue...Been there, done that. Your post was easy to read with a pleasant rhyme scheme and flowed smoothly. Hope there is no element of truth! Bill
Comment Written 11-May-2020
Comment from emmaysavage
You paint a touching picture of an abusive relationship, but I think the jump to a happy day was too sudden. Another verse could build up to it. Otherwise, lose the last line
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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You paint a touching picture of an abusive relationship, but I think the jump to a happy day was too sudden. Another verse could build up to it. Otherwise, lose the last line
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thanks for your comments, and for pointing out that the last line is too big a leap. I wanted to end the poem on a more upbeat note, so I won't delete the last line, but I have modified it. to read "A bluebird sings for a happier day", rather than "it's a happy day"... so that the happy factor hasn't happened immediately but is hoped for.
Comment from smileycloud
well....good for you is the very first thought that comes to mind and then the fact this is well written and a great poem of heartbreak outshone by determination and bravery and a fine measure of strength good luck in the contest have a smiley day
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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well....good for you is the very first thought that comes to mind and then the fact this is well written and a great poem of heartbreak outshone by determination and bravery and a fine measure of strength good luck in the contest have a smiley day
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thanks for your comments. I hate confrontation and violence. I'm glad my life improved afterwards. Thanks for your review. I'm smiling.
Comment from Margaret Bednar
A poem that pays homage to those women who get away from a bad relationship. You've handled it gently, yet show her strength as well. I love the bluebird at the end.
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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A poem that pays homage to those women who get away from a bad relationship. You've handled it gently, yet show her strength as well. I love the bluebird at the end.
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thanks for your comments. The poem was rather bleak, so I thought I should come up with an upbeat image to conclude it... hence the bluebird.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear author, a very novel idea you have employed on this post. Using emotions and descriptions of people's faces and moods for your two colors of black and blue.
I line I liked best was."Chill blue blazed shards from your eyes of ice."
I could visualize that one quite completely, and feel the chills run down my spine.
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Dear author, a very novel idea you have employed on this post. Using emotions and descriptions of people's faces and moods for your two colors of black and blue.
I line I liked best was."Chill blue blazed shards from your eyes of ice."
I could visualize that one quite completely, and feel the chills run down my spine.
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thanks for your supportive review. You picked out my best line that I was happiest with.
Comment from Diana Kane
Right on target. The color scheme is phenomenal. The colors play into the emotion and still maintain the metaphoric elements. This was absolutely wonderful.
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reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Right on target. The color scheme is phenomenal. The colors play into the emotion and still maintain the metaphoric elements. This was absolutely wonderful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thank you so much for your terrific review.
