Fade to Nothing
5-7-5 Entry8 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-7-5, Fade to Nothing, has the right set up and shows us a world where nations and economies fade behind furry frolicking creatures bouncing on the lawn. Neat.
reply by the author on 10-May-2020
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This 5-7-5, Fade to Nothing, has the right set up and shows us a world where nations and economies fade behind furry frolicking creatures bouncing on the lawn. Neat.
Comment Written 10-May-2020
reply by the author on 10-May-2020
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
Beautiful entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt contest. Good syllable count. Lovely presentation. The lines connect grammatically and helps to flow. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-May-2020
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Hello my friend
Beautiful entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt contest. Good syllable count. Lovely presentation. The lines connect grammatically and helps to flow. Well done.
Comment Written 09-May-2020
reply by the author on 10-May-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment from LisaMay
I love your poem! (but i did find it a bit hard to read the red writing on the grey background - my eyes are getting older.)
Watching animals will make me smile every time. I personally love watching duck, too - I don't see rabbits very often but there are always ducks nearby.
As a suggestion, to add perhaps some childish fun, you could change the last line (when rabbits run by) to:
when bunnies bounce by
... perhaps that suggests their movement better than 'run', and it still keeps the alliteration.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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I love your poem! (but i did find it a bit hard to read the red writing on the grey background - my eyes are getting older.)
Watching animals will make me smile every time. I personally love watching duck, too - I don't see rabbits very often but there are always ducks nearby.
As a suggestion, to add perhaps some childish fun, you could change the last line (when rabbits run by) to:
when bunnies bounce by
... perhaps that suggests their movement better than 'run', and it still keeps the alliteration.
Comment Written 08-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thanks Lisa, for your review and suggestions. I've changed it a little, hopefully easier to read now.
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Great! That's much easier to read... and I'm delighted you accepted my suggestion. (Some people get irritated when changes to their work are suggested.)
Comment from Y. M. Roger
That is so absolutely true, anon!! ;) Such a wonderful offering for this contest today -- great smiles all round!! ;) Best of luck to you at the polls this evening! ;)
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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That is so absolutely true, anon!! ;) Such a wonderful offering for this contest today -- great smiles all round!! ;) Best of luck to you at the polls this evening! ;)
Comment Written 08-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment from Ignatius Albright
Succinct and poignant, I am very fond of this poem. It fits the prompt perfectly and really gets me thinking about life. Thank you for the opportunity to read your work.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Succinct and poignant, I am very fond of this poem. It fits the prompt perfectly and really gets me thinking about life. Thank you for the opportunity to read your work.
Comment Written 08-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment from zanya
Yes such natural, spontaneous events can make us smile broadly - even smiling as I read these words here in this 5-7-5- the natural world is our balm
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Yes such natural, spontaneous events can make us smile broadly - even smiling as I read these words here in this 5-7-5- the natural world is our balm
Comment Written 08-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad it made you smile.
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
I thought this was cool. Rabbits being a distraction made me smile. I wasn't expecting it, so that's really great. Keep up the great work. Little twists like that are always good to include.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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I thought this was cool. Rabbits being a distraction made me smile. I wasn't expecting it, so that's really great. Keep up the great work. Little twists like that are always good to include.
Comment Written 08-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad it made you smile.
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Oh, I can so relate to this little truth. I like the repeated "w" sound in the first stanza and the double "r" sound in the last line. I really have no "con" as this is a short, simple poem. You met the mark and put a smile on my face.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Oh, I can so relate to this little truth. I like the repeated "w" sound in the first stanza and the double "r" sound in the last line. I really have no "con" as this is a short, simple poem. You met the mark and put a smile on my face.
Comment Written 08-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thanks for your review. Glad it gave you a smile.
