Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Errors!"Experiences of living
148 total reviews
Comment from PineBoxPoet
Very true. Man is only perfect at imperfection. God is perfect from day one(even though I do not belive there was every a day one just forever). Great write as you always do. Write on ALCREATOR write one.
Derek
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Very true. Man is only perfect at imperfection. God is perfect from day one(even though I do not belive there was every a day one just forever). Great write as you always do. Write on ALCREATOR write one.
Derek
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from aBoxofBrokenCrayons
Imperfection is perfection...
Making mistakes are just tiny reminders to let us know that we're human. Great tanka, syllable count is real strong. I like the different approach and the overall meaning behind it.
Paul-
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Imperfection is perfection...
Making mistakes are just tiny reminders to let us know that we're human. Great tanka, syllable count is real strong. I like the different approach and the overall meaning behind it.
Paul-
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from EMB
Talk about your head spinners! I'll still be pondering this one into the wee hours, but I don't want to delay in telling you that I enjoyed catching your banner on this one.
Ed
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Talk about your head spinners! I'll still be pondering this one into the wee hours, but I don't want to delay in telling you that I enjoyed catching your banner on this one.
Ed
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from simon_morris
It leaves you thinking. It says so much more than the words could present. It follows with precision the pattern you set out to follow -- I'm glad you posted the rules for your genre of poetry or I would not have been able to give a fair review.
I've always had one question from your particular idea: If God were perfect, how is it that he created man? There must be so many other possibiities that don't have our flaws.
Do any other of God's creatures scratch their wives' faces with their own facial hair when they awake?
Do any other of God's creatures make so many excuses when they get it wrong?
Can you name me another creature under God who can turn good, wholesome food into such a catastrophe?
God must have needed a laugh and when he created man, he ceertainly had the opportunity to get more than one!
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It leaves you thinking. It says so much more than the words could present. It follows with precision the pattern you set out to follow -- I'm glad you posted the rules for your genre of poetry or I would not have been able to give a fair review.
I've always had one question from your particular idea: If God were perfect, how is it that he created man? There must be so many other possibiities that don't have our flaws.
Do any other of God's creatures scratch their wives' faces with their own facial hair when they awake?
Do any other of God's creatures make so many excuses when they get it wrong?
Can you name me another creature under God who can turn good, wholesome food into such a catastrophe?
God must have needed a laugh and when he created man, he ceertainly had the opportunity to get more than one!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from HappyB8888
Excellent presentation of this poem, Al. You're lead in line is augmented by the rest of the piece. One wonders how perfect God has deemed Himself over the ages. Thought provoking piece.
That Happy Chica,
Marcia Ellen
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Excellent presentation of this poem, Al. You're lead in line is augmented by the rest of the piece. One wonders how perfect God has deemed Himself over the ages. Thought provoking piece.
That Happy Chica,
Marcia Ellen
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from CaseyMezera
I see yer point and raise it to something read that doesn't appeal to me.
IF man were perfect
there'd be a world unreal so in other words the perfect world is beyond visualization
unlike this of ours
Mistake is fate, wink not God "wink not God" is an unclear visual and one that almost contradicts itself with others.
Who's lone perfect since Day One why is Day One caps? lone perfect simply doesn't flow at all and reads extremely "imperfect". Maybe that's the point. if it is, it's a good one but poetically not one I'm willing to reward.
Ax
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I see yer point and raise it to something read that doesn't appeal to me.
IF man were perfect
there'd be a world unreal so in other words the perfect world is beyond visualization
unlike this of ours
Mistake is fate, wink not God "wink not God" is an unclear visual and one that almost contradicts itself with others.
Who's lone perfect since Day One why is Day One caps? lone perfect simply doesn't flow at all and reads extremely "imperfect". Maybe that's the point. if it is, it's a good one but poetically not one I'm willing to reward.
Ax
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from Pnpebbles
Interesting poem. You were consistent with the format of syllables. I also liked the photo you chose to accompany your work. I also believe God created man to be perfect and we changed all that. Somehow I don't think that people will change to make the world a better place. How unfortunate. Good Job and take care.
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Interesting poem. You were consistent with the format of syllables. I also liked the photo you chose to accompany your work. I also believe God created man to be perfect and we changed all that. Somehow I don't think that people will change to make the world a better place. How unfortunate. Good Job and take care.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from JennaJo
I loved the poem, and thought the philosphy was expressed well. The reason for the four stars is a biggie: you set a 5-7-5-7-7 syllabic standard, and varied in the second line, having only 6 syllables. Or was that the point of the whole poem? I'm soooo confused ... let me know if it was deliberate, and I'll up ya a star. How bout that?
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I loved the poem, and thought the philosphy was expressed well. The reason for the four stars is a biggie: you set a 5-7-5-7-7 syllabic standard, and varied in the second line, having only 6 syllables. Or was that the point of the whole poem? I'm soooo confused ... let me know if it was deliberate, and I'll up ya a star. How bout that?
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from Writer for Hire
Very nice poem, and I saw no problems iwth it so you deserve 5 stars without a doubt.
I definetely liked the picture you chose, it was nice and colorful; a nice picture in general.
As far as structure goes, you did good. You stayed true to your syllables so that was fine.
I liked the second line, and I found that it was stronger than all the others. The second strongest would have to be the last line; it's always important to end strong and you did just that. THe reason it's important to end strong is because it's the last thing the reader will see, the last impression they'll have of you. If you leave them satisfied it's more likely that they will come back looking for more of your work, good job.
I also liked the author's note, I found that that the last line of the author's note added to the poem.
You easily did a good job of drawing on the reader's emotions while describing error, good job there.
I also think that the flow was perfect, you stayed true to your syllables and there was nothing hampering the fluidity; it sounded excellent off my tongue, good job with the flow.
I think the best compliment I can give is that I have nothing more to say, normally I would have some suggestion for improvement, but right now I have none.
I would recommend this to someone else.
Thanks for sharing this with fanstory so that I could read it.
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Very nice poem, and I saw no problems iwth it so you deserve 5 stars without a doubt.
I definetely liked the picture you chose, it was nice and colorful; a nice picture in general.
As far as structure goes, you did good. You stayed true to your syllables so that was fine.
I liked the second line, and I found that it was stronger than all the others. The second strongest would have to be the last line; it's always important to end strong and you did just that. THe reason it's important to end strong is because it's the last thing the reader will see, the last impression they'll have of you. If you leave them satisfied it's more likely that they will come back looking for more of your work, good job.
I also liked the author's note, I found that that the last line of the author's note added to the poem.
You easily did a good job of drawing on the reader's emotions while describing error, good job there.
I also think that the flow was perfect, you stayed true to your syllables and there was nothing hampering the fluidity; it sounded excellent off my tongue, good job with the flow.
I think the best compliment I can give is that I have nothing more to say, normally I would have some suggestion for improvement, but right now I have none.
I would recommend this to someone else.
Thanks for sharing this with fanstory so that I could read it.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from Shari_K
Another great tanka poem you've written. You are definitely correct in saying perfection could be unreal as well as errors are natural and real. You have a very creative way in saying so as well. Excellent poem.
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Another great tanka poem you've written. You are definitely correct in saying perfection could be unreal as well as errors are natural and real. You have a very creative way in saying so as well. Excellent poem.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
