Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Errors!"Experiences of living
148 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Excellent. Done with flair and phantom...It makes one think beyond the obvious.. like the brevity and the construction of your work. I will be watching for more. Bob/Mastery
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Excellent. Done with flair and phantom...It makes one think beyond the obvious.. like the brevity and the construction of your work. I will be watching for more. Bob/Mastery
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from rl dubour
Errors!--If man was perfect, what a deep and thought provoking image that is, you are so right only one isn perfect and that is our God. Myself I am far from perfect and continure making many mistakes but I know what I would love to see in this world and the is man and women to rid all hatred, greed and evil from their hearts and minds. I love this short work that has so much power to it, Ron
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Errors!--If man was perfect, what a deep and thought provoking image that is, you are so right only one isn perfect and that is our God. Myself I am far from perfect and continure making many mistakes but I know what I would love to see in this world and the is man and women to rid all hatred, greed and evil from their hearts and minds. I love this short work that has so much power to it, Ron
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from chrissm
I agree it would be "a world unreal" . The Garden of Eden is something unreal to us mere mortals. I like how you did "error" in the second line with only 6 syllables, It really added dept to the poem.
Bravo!
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I agree it would be "a world unreal" . The Garden of Eden is something unreal to us mere mortals. I like how you did "error" in the second line with only 6 syllables, It really added dept to the poem.
Bravo!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from Dklrdmcches
I thought that this was a real good poem. The message is not of ridicule, but of an honest admission that we are not perfect. Perfection is something that is not attainable and that is what makes us unique...dklrd
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I thought that this was a real good poem. The message is not of ridicule, but of an honest admission that we are not perfect. Perfection is something that is not attainable and that is what makes us unique...dklrd
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from kintesiegel
I really liked the surrealistic picture better than the poem. The poem is imaginative but maybe you could add a little bit more of yourself to it. It doesn't make too much sense to me to say that "fate is mistake." It either is fate or it is something else. Keep working
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I really liked the surrealistic picture better than the poem. The poem is imaginative but maybe you could add a little bit more of yourself to it. It doesn't make too much sense to me to say that "fate is mistake." It either is fate or it is something else. Keep working
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from damevictoria
This was an extremely well written poem; I found the rythem and flow to be almost perfect; didn't spot any obvious errors ; thanks for sharing.
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This was an extremely well written poem; I found the rythem and flow to be almost perfect; didn't spot any obvious errors ; thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from volunteer angel
I agree with your poem whole heartedly about man being an imperfect person.
Since this is a tanka, you need to fix the second line as it has only 6 syllables.
If you wrote " There would be a world unreal", then you would have 7 syllables.
Check it out. Nice job! V.A.
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I agree with your poem whole heartedly about man being an imperfect person.
Since this is a tanka, you need to fix the second line as it has only 6 syllables.
If you wrote " There would be a world unreal", then you would have 7 syllables.
Check it out. Nice job! V.A.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from Rewa Malhotra
This is a good insight into spirituality. And if MAN accepted that each one of us are imperfect,then at least he can try to see the other's view point,and before jumping and accusing each other, count ten before entering into a heated argument.
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This is a good insight into spirituality. And if MAN accepted that each one of us are imperfect,then at least he can try to see the other's view point,and before jumping and accusing each other, count ten before entering into a heated argument.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from EmileJP
Your word choices are clever, feeling, descriptive, and imaginative. This poem is well thought out and the reader can relate to the message sent The poem is structured well and flows ok. The author uses good imagery and maintains a poetic flow through the whole piece.
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Your word choices are clever, feeling, descriptive, and imaginative. This poem is well thought out and the reader can relate to the message sent The poem is structured well and flows ok. The author uses good imagery and maintains a poetic flow through the whole piece.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
Comment from marali
Dear AlCWR, your philosophy overpass human behavior; exactly because we're human. Poor of the Lord who will always be alone!
Your poem is exceptional, to cause us, to think about us a little more deep.
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Dear AlCWR, your philosophy overpass human behavior; exactly because we're human. Poor of the Lord who will always be alone!
Your poem is exceptional, to cause us, to think about us a little more deep.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2006
