Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Errors!"Experiences of living
148 total reviews
Comment from BeautysMessenger
Wow! AlCreator. This Tanka has great theme, great diction.
I like "wink not God." To me it means don't take God lightly.
I like the capitalized "Day One"
The second line needs another syllable, however (but I'm not going to dock a star because I like the rest of it so much). Maybe this would work for a revision:
"There would be a world unreal"
Thanks for posting.
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Wow! AlCreator. This Tanka has great theme, great diction.
I like "wink not God." To me it means don't take God lightly.
I like the capitalized "Day One"
The second line needs another syllable, however (but I'm not going to dock a star because I like the rest of it so much). Maybe this would work for a revision:
"There would be a world unreal"
Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from goldferris
It's funny. It would seem silly of me to point out errors in a poem that alerts us to how errors are natural and right. Good for everyone though, is that I couldn't find errors anyway.
You are a good poet, as usual.
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It's funny. It would seem silly of me to point out errors in a poem that alerts us to how errors are natural and right. Good for everyone though, is that I couldn't find errors anyway.
You are a good poet, as usual.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from Renee' J Thomas
Now this is a great poem, easy to read, flows well and very easy to understand.
I like the message and agree that man was meant to be imperfect and you said it very well in a very short amount of words.
Impressive!
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Now this is a great poem, easy to read, flows well and very easy to understand.
I like the message and agree that man was meant to be imperfect and you said it very well in a very short amount of words.
Impressive!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from MercurySeven
A fairly straightforward piece, Alcreator, but it's a concept worth re-visiting. Perfection is beyond us... I agree. Even the last statement about God is worth exploring; there are those who question even His infallibility. I'm not sure the phrasing works after "fate" - it seems clipped to accomadate the syllable count, or is just deliberately abstruse. There's a more powerful piece in there, but I don't think the form here has done your vision justice.
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A fairly straightforward piece, Alcreator, but it's a concept worth re-visiting. Perfection is beyond us... I agree. Even the last statement about God is worth exploring; there are those who question even His infallibility. I'm not sure the phrasing works after "fate" - it seems clipped to accomadate the syllable count, or is just deliberately abstruse. There's a more powerful piece in there, but I don't think the form here has done your vision justice.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from cheyennewy
I like this tanka....mostly for its simplicity. The message is profound....no human will be or has the right to be as perfect as God. I think He forgives us for our human frailties....human being the operative word. You have written this so poetically. I especially like your last line..."Who's lone perfect since day one."
Well done, my friend....cheyenne
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I like this tanka....mostly for its simplicity. The message is profound....no human will be or has the right to be as perfect as God. I think He forgives us for our human frailties....human being the operative word. You have written this so poetically. I especially like your last line..."Who's lone perfect since day one."
Well done, my friend....cheyenne
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from twooddsocks
I enjoyed this piece. The concept is simple to understand but can lead to much more complex thoughts. I liked the line of God being the sole perfect and also the idea of it being fate to make mistakes. Very good, thanks.
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I enjoyed this piece. The concept is simple to understand but can lead to much more complex thoughts. I liked the line of God being the sole perfect and also the idea of it being fate to make mistakes. Very good, thanks.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from GeorgeRoberts
Good work. Well crafted. Doesn't really appeal to me personally. Excellent image to give more colour to your words. Not sure why you have an exclamation after perfect when it connects directly to the next line. Sorry, but the God context, ie. Being lone perfect, just doesn't do it for me. If there is a God (and if so, which one?), what makes him/her/it perfect? If he/she/it is perfect then why has an imperfect world been created by he/she/it? I see no evidence to support your thesis. Your poetic skills are evidenced very well. Kind regards - GeorgeRoberts
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Good work. Well crafted. Doesn't really appeal to me personally. Excellent image to give more colour to your words. Not sure why you have an exclamation after perfect when it connects directly to the next line. Sorry, but the God context, ie. Being lone perfect, just doesn't do it for me. If there is a God (and if so, which one?), what makes him/her/it perfect? If he/she/it is perfect then why has an imperfect world been created by he/she/it? I see no evidence to support your thesis. Your poetic skills are evidenced very well. Kind regards - GeorgeRoberts
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from JoAnna Lee
You are a fine poet and this a good message... but not one of your finer works. I expect more from you! So? I am honest... that does not make me all bad?
Well, not in my best place tonight so likely more critical than usual... but I also expect that of you. You do tell me when good and catch the bad.
I thank you for that and thank you for sharing,
Donna
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You are a fine poet and this a good message... but not one of your finer works. I expect more from you! So? I am honest... that does not make me all bad?
Well, not in my best place tonight so likely more critical than usual... but I also expect that of you. You do tell me when good and catch the bad.
I thank you for that and thank you for sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from CowboyToo
I find it odd that the writer is:
"a Humanity Doctorate National Scholar Philanthropist Writer".
The grammar is atrocious. How could such get by a Doctorate panel?
Consider:
"Man is imperfect that is natural; this real world is not an unnaturally mistake free; never wink to make this world better naturally."
Does he not see several errors in grammar and/or punctuation here?
I can forgive the poem just slightly in an effort to grant wide "poetic" license.
Only slightly, however.
These lines grate like fingernails down a chalkboard:
"Mistake is fate, wink not God
Who's lone perfect since Day One!"
I am simply at a loss for a really nice comment -
well, the sentiment is nice, I think.
I don't enjoy negative reviews for their sake alone, but this needs help. Lots of help.
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I find it odd that the writer is:
"a Humanity Doctorate National Scholar Philanthropist Writer".
The grammar is atrocious. How could such get by a Doctorate panel?
Consider:
"Man is imperfect that is natural; this real world is not an unnaturally mistake free; never wink to make this world better naturally."
Does he not see several errors in grammar and/or punctuation here?
I can forgive the poem just slightly in an effort to grant wide "poetic" license.
Only slightly, however.
These lines grate like fingernails down a chalkboard:
"Mistake is fate, wink not God
Who's lone perfect since Day One!"
I am simply at a loss for a really nice comment -
well, the sentiment is nice, I think.
I don't enjoy negative reviews for their sake alone, but this needs help. Lots of help.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2006
Comment from mariejames
Amen! What a beautiful Tanka. Very nicely written. It's well thought out and put together. An enjoyable read. You know, back in the 1800s and even in some instances today, quilt makers will purposely add mistakes in their quilt making because perfection is left to God. It's an interesting, but haughty view as I'm sure mistakes exist without having to add them. Interesting, no?
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Amen! What a beautiful Tanka. Very nicely written. It's well thought out and put together. An enjoyable read. You know, back in the 1800s and even in some instances today, quilt makers will purposely add mistakes in their quilt making because perfection is left to God. It's an interesting, but haughty view as I'm sure mistakes exist without having to add them. Interesting, no?
Comment Written 20-Jul-2006
