senryu (many walks of life)
Encouragement for getting out of a rut.20 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
A fine entry for the Write a Senryu writing prompt contest. Good syllable count and presentation. Lines are connected grammatically. Well done.
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Hello my friend
A fine entry for the Write a Senryu writing prompt contest. Good syllable count and presentation. Lines are connected grammatically. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is not a Senryu or Human Haiku, I think, there is no thoughts about human nature and human foibles, but I find this is an excellent poem speaks about man has many walks of life and avenues for success but man cannot go aimlessly or at random to reach nowhere; well said, well done.
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This is not a Senryu or Human Haiku, I think, there is no thoughts about human nature and human foibles, but I find this is an excellent poem speaks about man has many walks of life and avenues for success but man cannot go aimlessly or at random to reach nowhere; well said, well done.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
A senryu with a good message in it. The human factor is clear enough.
I think I would change the second line, to get rid of "for" which is awkward here, I think.
"may lead toward your success" is another possibility containing 7 syllables, and leaves some room for speculation.
Disregard it, if you don't like it.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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A senryu with a good message in it. The human factor is clear enough.
I think I would change the second line, to get rid of "for" which is awkward here, I think.
"may lead toward your success" is another possibility containing 7 syllables, and leaves some room for speculation.
Disregard it, if you don't like it.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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Thanks for your comments. I wanted to use 'avenues' because it links 'walks' and 'street' as figurative paths of a journey.
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That is true, I saw that too. Remains that "for" doesn't fit well.
Comment from Michele Harber
I appreciate your message of striving for better than you have. From a poetic standpoint, I like that you chose a metaphor by which to express it, and stuck you stuck with it in each line ("walks," "avenues," "street"). Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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I appreciate your message of striving for better than you have. From a poetic standpoint, I like that you chose a metaphor by which to express it, and stuck you stuck with it in each line ("walks," "avenues," "street"). Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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Thanks for your reinforcing comments. Another reviewer made a suggestion for changing my middle line, which would have removed 'avenues'. She clearly did not notice the linked metaphor, which you have. Thanks for understanding my intention!
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You're very welcome. I had no problem at all recognizing your metaphor. You used it well.
Comment from January L'Angelle
This is a great Senryu poem. I like the photo that goes with it. It really matches the words. This poem can be applied to so many facets of our lives. Well done. Respectfully, January L.
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This is a great Senryu poem. I like the photo that goes with it. It really matches the words. This poem can be applied to so many facets of our lives. Well done. Respectfully, January L.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
Comment from zanya
Yes indeed - here is some excellent advice for us all in this well written Senryu - we can get lost on our own 'dead-end street '- it's a great pic to illustrate
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Yes indeed - here is some excellent advice for us all in this well written Senryu - we can get lost on our own 'dead-end street '- it's a great pic to illustrate
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
Comment from The_Boy_Whodunnit
Very creative and imaginatively done. I think every word counts and together they give an inspired message. He last line works really well to give a twist to the first two.
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Very creative and imaginatively done. I think every word counts and together they give an inspired message. He last line works really well to give a twist to the first two.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
Comment from Makahla J
I enjoyed reading your Senryu poem. It reminded me that regardless of what path I take in life, I hold the power in what I do with it. Life is about allowing things to happen organically and without restraint. Good job, keep it up!
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I enjoyed reading your Senryu poem. It reminded me that regardless of what path I take in life, I hold the power in what I do with it. Life is about allowing things to happen organically and without restraint. Good job, keep it up!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
Comment from humpwhistle
I think this is very sound advice. And concisely put, too.
Life offers us many choices, but, like water, we often choose the path of least resistance.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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I think this is very sound advice. And concisely put, too.
Life offers us many choices, but, like water, we often choose the path of least resistance.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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Thanks for your comments.
Your mention of water made me play with that idea:
paddling in a pond
makes us go with lazy flow -
strive to swim upstream
Comment from Patty Palmer
That kind of says it all. Take another path to success and leave the dead ends for the deadbeats because once you have taken the dead-end path, there's no way out! I love the picture too.
God bless!
Stay safe!
Patty
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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That kind of says it all. Take another path to success and leave the dead ends for the deadbeats because once you have taken the dead-end path, there's no way out! I love the picture too.
God bless!
Stay safe!
Patty
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
