His Woman
Your heart will always be with you...25 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, it's a great story and a lovely tale, catcthing that moment in time. Yes, it was his birthday and he wanted to celebrate it. It has great imagery. A great story for the contest. Good luck. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Hi there, it's a great story and a lovely tale, catcthing that moment in time. Yes, it was his birthday and he wanted to celebrate it. It has great imagery. A great story for the contest. Good luck. Ulla:))
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Your time is appreciated.
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Oh ...? I suppose it was no bother.
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It is always lovely to hear from you, Ulla. :)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This is such a nice and clean story. Your hints that Teddy's women is gone are all over the place, but still keeps that aha moment until the end:"Some movement in the den off to his right caught his attention. It was the image of his Selene, standing there smiling. He looked from her, down at Andrew's little face looking up at him expectantly, and then back to Tess.
"I'm fine, Theresa," The smile came easily as Andrew began to tug at him. "I have my good days and bad days, but your mama's in my heart to keep me on track, you know?""
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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This is such a nice and clean story. Your hints that Teddy's women is gone are all over the place, but still keeps that aha moment until the end:"Some movement in the den off to his right caught his attention. It was the image of his Selene, standing there smiling. He looked from her, down at Andrew's little face looking up at him expectantly, and then back to Tess.
"I'm fine, Theresa," The smile came easily as Andrew began to tug at him. "I have my good days and bad days, but your mama's in my heart to keep me on track, you know?""
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
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Such a lovely review - thank you so very much for your comments and those bright, shiny stars!! ;) I'm glad you enjoyed Theo and his Selene... I will be sure to share the stars with them!! Have a wonderful week out there!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was so beautiful, it made me go all goose-pimply! Bless him, his Selene would always be there for him, and one day they will be together again. But now, he wants to enjoy his family and his Birthday. I really enjoyed this story, it's something we will all go through one day. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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That was so beautiful, it made me go all goose-pimply! Bless him, his Selene would always be there for him, and one day they will be together again. But now, he wants to enjoy his family and his Birthday. I really enjoyed this story, it's something we will all go through one day. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Thank you so very much, Sandra, for your time and your comments on Theo's Selene. Both are greatly appreciated!! 8-)
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a fine story, rich and full of excellent description. Somehow I worked out early on that Selena was a spirit, but the doubt was always there, so it didn't really ruin the story.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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This is a fine story, rich and full of excellent description. Somehow I worked out early on that Selena was a spirit, but the doubt was always there, so it didn't really ruin the story.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Thank you for your time and your review. Both are appreciated!
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What a heartwarming story! It was written so well, It could have been non-fiction. The old couple bantered like real loving characters. Loved the environment. Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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What a heartwarming story! It was written so well, It could have been non-fiction. The old couple bantered like real loving characters. Loved the environment. Well done!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a great story. When you've had a happy marriage of many years, If that special person is no longer around, you still feel their presence. You still enjoy all the happy memories you've had together over the years. You're never really alone. I know, I've been there.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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This is a great story. When you've had a happy marriage of many years, If that special person is no longer around, you still feel their presence. You still enjoy all the happy memories you've had together over the years. You're never really alone. I know, I've been there.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Thank you for your time and your review. Both are much appreciated.
Comment from Scarbrems
Aww, this is a really touching story of a man coping with his wife's death. You paint a well-crafted picture of their relationship. Love the 'lawn needs a haircut'. One nit: 'come to lite' - 'light?'.
Thank you for a good read and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Aww, this is a really touching story of a man coping with his wife's death. You paint a well-crafted picture of their relationship. Love the 'lawn needs a haircut'. One nit: 'come to lite' - 'light?'.
Thank you for a good read and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Thank you for your comments and that catch. Both are much appreciated!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
You really caught me by surprise, there at the end. I was surprised at the beginning, also, at the teasing playfulness of this elderly couple, when I realized they weren't young newlyweds -- although really I shouldn't be, because my husband and I, after 15 years of marriage, are already getting senior discounts yet share a lot of similar frolicking playfulness. That's actually one of the reasons I like this story so much.
But then, when one of their daughters came in and said, "Mom would be so proud of me," it was my first clue that Theo was living with a very imaginary version of his dearly departed wife. His vivid imagination of her seems harmless and he's apparently in touch with reality, because he tones it down in the presence of his family. But it's very touching, even though I was sad for him as the reader, that he hasn't been able to let her go, and he doesn't seem to have any intention of doing so!
Your picture is awesome for the story, as it's not a photograph, but a more abstract and nebulous image. It may also have helped me think of Selene as younger, because her hair isn't gray or silver.
I found this error:
It was kindof a mess now, wasn't it?
-->
It was kind of a mess now, wasn't it?
You created a beautiful tale of love between two people that seems to survive, at least in his heart and mind, after her death. It would have been a sweet story even if it simply described their loving day celebrating his birthday, but the fact that she lived on in his imagination makes the story extra special.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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You really caught me by surprise, there at the end. I was surprised at the beginning, also, at the teasing playfulness of this elderly couple, when I realized they weren't young newlyweds -- although really I shouldn't be, because my husband and I, after 15 years of marriage, are already getting senior discounts yet share a lot of similar frolicking playfulness. That's actually one of the reasons I like this story so much.
But then, when one of their daughters came in and said, "Mom would be so proud of me," it was my first clue that Theo was living with a very imaginary version of his dearly departed wife. His vivid imagination of her seems harmless and he's apparently in touch with reality, because he tones it down in the presence of his family. But it's very touching, even though I was sad for him as the reader, that he hasn't been able to let her go, and he doesn't seem to have any intention of doing so!
Your picture is awesome for the story, as it's not a photograph, but a more abstract and nebulous image. It may also have helped me think of Selene as younger, because her hair isn't gray or silver.
I found this error:
It was kindof a mess now, wasn't it?
-->
It was kind of a mess now, wasn't it?
You created a beautiful tale of love between two people that seems to survive, at least in his heart and mind, after her death. It would have been a sweet story even if it simply described their loving day celebrating his birthday, but the fact that she lived on in his imagination makes the story extra special.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2020
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Thank you so very much for really reading the story and, more than that, for those wonderful stars, Mary Kay! Your comments were so very heartwarming (seems you got out of it exactly what I was aiming for!) and the catch is very appreciated - THANK YOU!! ;)
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You're very welcome
I'm so glad I caught your intention so well. You must have written it very well, also! Blessings, Mary Kay
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Congratulations, Yvette, on your 2nd place win! Well deserved for this awesome story.
Comment from Geeps
This was a cute story. I appreciate the picture you are trying to pain of their happy relationship.
However, my critique would be that the first part of the story with their interactions almost doesn't seem real. You keep mentioning them smiling and laughing at everything each other says and making Theo seem to be grumpy but not really and keep calling her "woman" which could just be the type of person he is.
I think their interactions can be improved upon.
Also, some word choices seemed out of touch like sluiced, revelry, mirth.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2020
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This was a cute story. I appreciate the picture you are trying to pain of their happy relationship.
However, my critique would be that the first part of the story with their interactions almost doesn't seem real. You keep mentioning them smiling and laughing at everything each other says and making Theo seem to be grumpy but not really and keep calling her "woman" which could just be the type of person he is.
I think their interactions can be improved upon.
Also, some word choices seemed out of touch like sluiced, revelry, mirth.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2020
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Your time is appreciated.
Comment from Cindy Warren
What a sweet story. I guessed he was talking to Selene's ghost when she didn't do anything to help with the clean up. I'm glad he's doing okay while he keeps her memory alive, and his family is looking out for him. Guess it's okay if he doesn't give the grass a haircut on his birthday.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2020
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What a sweet story. I guessed he was talking to Selene's ghost when she didn't do anything to help with the clean up. I'm glad he's doing okay while he keeps her memory alive, and his family is looking out for him. Guess it's okay if he doesn't give the grass a haircut on his birthday.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2020
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Thank you for your time and your review. Both are appreciated!
