Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Wisdom!"Experiences of living
212 total reviews
Comment from Aleksandramarie
OKAY...
When the intro and author's notes are longer than the
poem, a reader certainly has to take a second look.
I generally review on the whole package, artwork, title, notes,
comments, body of work, author's notes. But on this one,
everything but the work is overwhelming. You leave not one
ounce of the reader's effort available for interpretation.
Are you tired of being misinterpreted? Can not the reader
be trusted with a simple format? Perhaps the ideas were too big
for the form? Without any of the icing... I probably would have
given the piece, a four... for lack of flow and disjointedness.
Of course that is not possible, with all the extras thrown in the pot.
Shouldn't the work, stand on it's own?
Just a thought, really too early in the morning to be this deep.
thanks, mspotter
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OKAY...
When the intro and author's notes are longer than the
poem, a reader certainly has to take a second look.
I generally review on the whole package, artwork, title, notes,
comments, body of work, author's notes. But on this one,
everything but the work is overwhelming. You leave not one
ounce of the reader's effort available for interpretation.
Are you tired of being misinterpreted? Can not the reader
be trusted with a simple format? Perhaps the ideas were too big
for the form? Without any of the icing... I probably would have
given the piece, a four... for lack of flow and disjointedness.
Of course that is not possible, with all the extras thrown in the pot.
Shouldn't the work, stand on it's own?
Just a thought, really too early in the morning to be this deep.
thanks, mspotter
Comment Written 16-May-2006
Comment from lovebear641
Dark salutes wisdom
Shades sun, soars humdrum hourly
Still it shines quiet
Real wisdom sparks whole earth
Glows timeless, fake dies for good
so many times you see people that only thinks they have lots of wisdom...and ready to give advice out so freely ...you capture it beautifully..
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Dark salutes wisdom
Shades sun, soars humdrum hourly
Still it shines quiet
Real wisdom sparks whole earth
Glows timeless, fake dies for good
so many times you see people that only thinks they have lots of wisdom...and ready to give advice out so freely ...you capture it beautifully..
Comment Written 16-May-2006
Comment from Dear Essay Reviewer
So nice is this poetry about wisdom.
It has a very clear message with visuals.
It mentions what happens to fake wisdom and how real wisdom can appeal world.
It is an excellent work with huge coverage in short span.
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So nice is this poetry about wisdom.
It has a very clear message with visuals.
It mentions what happens to fake wisdom and how real wisdom can appeal world.
It is an excellent work with huge coverage in short span.
Comment Written 16-May-2006
Comment from volunteer angel
I agree that fake wisdom will be outdone when the truth comes out, or the sun shines through. Your poem set up on the 5-7-5-7-7 stucture is needing a little more work to make it perfect. The first two lines have the correct syllables, the next two lines are lacking the correct syllables. "Still it shines quiet", has only 4 syllables and " Real wisdom sparks whole earth", has only 6. Fix that and you're set. V.A.
I stand corrected on those syllables. You were right and I found that out after looking it up. Sorry about that.
Mary Ann
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I agree that fake wisdom will be outdone when the truth comes out, or the sun shines through. Your poem set up on the 5-7-5-7-7 stucture is needing a little more work to make it perfect. The first two lines have the correct syllables, the next two lines are lacking the correct syllables. "Still it shines quiet", has only 4 syllables and " Real wisdom sparks whole earth", has only 6. Fix that and you're set. V.A.
I stand corrected on those syllables. You were right and I found that out after looking it up. Sorry about that.
Mary Ann
Comment Written 15-May-2006
Comment from mhk
You've gathered interesting words! I'm just not sure that all are needed. Here is one suggestion, one humble revision, all in my own words, natch; food for a Haiku. Of course, these need trimming:
Dark salutes wisdom
Still it shines quiet
Wisdom sparks whole earth
Glows timeless, fakes for good
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You've gathered interesting words! I'm just not sure that all are needed. Here is one suggestion, one humble revision, all in my own words, natch; food for a Haiku. Of course, these need trimming:
Dark salutes wisdom
Still it shines quiet
Wisdom sparks whole earth
Glows timeless, fakes for good
Comment Written 15-May-2006
Comment from sarahedoan83
I'm not sure I fully understand this poem, but its got a great format and good metaphors. Good rhyme pattern and nice subject, just needs a bit more clarity to it. Overall, nice job!
-Sarah D.
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I'm not sure I fully understand this poem, but its got a great format and good metaphors. Good rhyme pattern and nice subject, just needs a bit more clarity to it. Overall, nice job!
-Sarah D.
Comment Written 15-May-2006
Comment from WorstPoetic Reviewer
Great thoughts in 5-7-5-7-7 real wisdom versus dark or fake wisdom as it is so clearly projected in short space so nicely and creatively with visuals and imageries perfect in syllable counts; enjoyed the fantastic work.
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Great thoughts in 5-7-5-7-7 real wisdom versus dark or fake wisdom as it is so clearly projected in short space so nicely and creatively with visuals and imageries perfect in syllable counts; enjoyed the fantastic work.
Comment Written 15-May-2006
Comment from Mrs Jones
I find your verse far to complicated to understand. The real art in writing a Haiku, tanka or any such structured verse is that it should convey an understandable message in its brevity. All the notes you have given as explanation should not be neccessary.
Cheers
Rose
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I find your verse far to complicated to understand. The real art in writing a Haiku, tanka or any such structured verse is that it should convey an understandable message in its brevity. All the notes you have given as explanation should not be neccessary.
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 15-May-2006
Comment from proudgranny
I really enjoyed the poem, but I also enjoyed the notes after the poem. They were quite poetic themselves. So much meaning in so few words. What a great talent you have!
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I really enjoyed the poem, but I also enjoyed the notes after the poem. They were quite poetic themselves. So much meaning in so few words. What a great talent you have!
Comment Written 15-May-2006
Comment from DJ MacDonald
I don't really think it flows that well, the 2nd and 4th lines in particular it reads like some choice phrases and doesn't have that ease, though you have created a lot of meaning and yes, seeing one's own sense of truth is better than living in a world where fantasy takes over like something is going to land right in your lap. The wisdom of seeing you make your own destiny and if you give it a sporting chance, perhaps there is a little help on the way :-)
Kind regards
Dion
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I don't really think it flows that well, the 2nd and 4th lines in particular it reads like some choice phrases and doesn't have that ease, though you have created a lot of meaning and yes, seeing one's own sense of truth is better than living in a world where fantasy takes over like something is going to land right in your lap. The wisdom of seeing you make your own destiny and if you give it a sporting chance, perhaps there is a little help on the way :-)
Kind regards
Dion
Comment Written 15-May-2006
