Comment from Zenbud

Excellent

I really liked this tanka - it holds the opinion of the writer and sums up the folly taking place around us by so - called wise people . . . nicely done in the form. Kairos

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from luv2write40

Excellent

I can feel the strength of your five-line poem. And it does ring true whether we want to believe it or not.

Thanks for a powerful read,

Sue

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from cupa tea

Excellent

Hey this is pretty good. I'm glad you told me what the poem meant. I'm not that deep to figure it out for myself. Reading it and the discriptions together helped me understand it.

I wonder if earth should be caped. Earth....

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from CaseyMezera

Good

Hi Alcreator,

I really like the first line. I think that it has some great imagination.

I have a definate problem with you poem, however.

First of all, you are going to confuse a great number of readers. I would way that 99.9% of the time if not 100% of the time, a publisher will not let you add a by line explaining your poem. That being said, it is extremely unwise to include meanings for words here that are erroneous.

Hourly does not mean temporarily. It means frequently or continually. As someone reads this, they will most probably infer that hourly=frequently.

I still believe it is a great write, with some profoundness.

Ax

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from Josipher32

Excellent

Great use of repetition in this poem. Very powerful words used to convey your message. You are a true master of your craft, my friend! ha! I always look forward to viewing your poetry. I wish my poetry had the debth that your does. I guess that comes with time and practice.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from vw5004

Excellent

Interesting style. I like the writing and you clearly painted a great picture. However I am not sure that I understand the format. I think the writing is worth 5 stars for the content, however I am unsure how your counting the syllables with this formatting. It has been a very long time since I have reviewed on this site good luck to you nice job.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from larwana

Excellent

Interesting poem. Few words, but each one paints a clear picture.

I hadn't heard of this form of before, but it seems to work well for your topic.

Keep writing, your a natural.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from chelsmor

Excellent

How ironic to find this magnificent poem during my fleeting moments on fanstory after hurriedly posting another work with the background in this same, quite critical, insight of dark and light, fraud and truth. Hidden in the darkness is all the beauty of a person, hidden fraudulently but many times imposed by past pain.
You have captured here in such few words the distillation of all - dark and light, goodness and not, the balance achieved by coming from behind the mask.
Excellent write. Thoughts well crafted. Thank you.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from Doreen Dulally

Excellent

Yes thank you very much

I have actually just read your poem

thanks to your notes

so it is clever ..well done me I know where these are coming from

thank you again for the notes ..it all made sense

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006

Comment from cinnabarsls

Excellent

I REALLY liked this one! You have a great talent for selecting the most effective words to make a piece work. Very nice. cinn

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2006