Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Wisdom!"Experiences of living
212 total reviews
Comment from words
Sorry, Al, I can't make much sense out of this one.
Don't understand your author's notes ... if dark means fools ... why not just say, fools. The same goes for sun equaling wisdom. Why not just say what you mean.
Also all of that "background" information posted at the top of the poem, distracts from the poem itself. It spoils all of your presentations here.
I see that you are trying alliteration here ... but the sentences still have to mean something and they don't seem to add up to anything.
d
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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Sorry, Al, I can't make much sense out of this one.
Don't understand your author's notes ... if dark means fools ... why not just say, fools. The same goes for sun equaling wisdom. Why not just say what you mean.
Also all of that "background" information posted at the top of the poem, distracts from the poem itself. It spoils all of your presentations here.
I see that you are trying alliteration here ... but the sentences still have to mean something and they don't seem to add up to anything.
d
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS.
Comment from fairy77
That was a great job:)Like sun shines and faint fast. This is a marvellous piece and very enjoyable.Hats off to you:)Thanks for sharing:)beth fairy77.
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That was a great job:)Like sun shines and faint fast. This is a marvellous piece and very enjoyable.Hats off to you:)Thanks for sharing:)beth fairy77.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from TKField
This reminds me of the time I nearly went a cropper. I was just fumblin on me tumble wumble, goin flubbidy flubbidy flub ya know?
I looked over at Geronimo and he was on a teeter totter swig-swagging at the wangle wangle, doodley-doodley bop and all right ya geezers-gozzers I think the lopsided catamaran is sinkin all glubbledy glubbledy glub, glub. All of a sudden like, Cochise lobbed a flutter flut at me bolshy nog nog like a real gig gag scallywag.
It was when we was noodlin floodlin in the land of the crackley bore and their fuzzy-wuzzlies. But what can you do with a sozzle goggle seaman early in the mornin like? I'll go ask Rear-Admiral Rump-Humper. I think he may be good for a bish-bash-bosh in the old slippery slappery wobbles.
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This reminds me of the time I nearly went a cropper. I was just fumblin on me tumble wumble, goin flubbidy flubbidy flub ya know?
I looked over at Geronimo and he was on a teeter totter swig-swagging at the wangle wangle, doodley-doodley bop and all right ya geezers-gozzers I think the lopsided catamaran is sinkin all glubbledy glubbledy glub, glub. All of a sudden like, Cochise lobbed a flutter flut at me bolshy nog nog like a real gig gag scallywag.
It was when we was noodlin floodlin in the land of the crackley bore and their fuzzy-wuzzlies. But what can you do with a sozzle goggle seaman early in the mornin like? I'll go ask Rear-Admiral Rump-Humper. I think he may be good for a bish-bash-bosh in the old slippery slappery wobbles.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
I believe here you are talking about 'dark' telling the world about Santa Claus, as truth. Didn't quite understand the way you have written this
Dark, salutes false light,(fools teach false fables)
Shades truth, soars humdrum, hourly (hides truth- makes interesting)
Sun shines silent still; (World still go on the same)
Timeless wisdom glows whole earth, (Fables continue over the whole earth)
Fake fables fade, fall, faint fast. (Nothing to Santa Claus)
This is true. Thanks for sharing. Betty
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I believe here you are talking about 'dark' telling the world about Santa Claus, as truth. Didn't quite understand the way you have written this
Dark, salutes false light,(fools teach false fables)
Shades truth, soars humdrum, hourly (hides truth- makes interesting)
Sun shines silent still; (World still go on the same)
Timeless wisdom glows whole earth, (Fables continue over the whole earth)
Fake fables fade, fall, faint fast. (Nothing to Santa Claus)
This is true. Thanks for sharing. Betty
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from amahra
Sorry didn't get this one but read it several times just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I got the first two lines then you lost me.
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Sorry didn't get this one but read it several times just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I got the first two lines then you lost me.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from visionary1234
Al, your style is becoming more concise, which is great. But I'd suggest that if you have to "explain" the symbolism in author notes, it's still not there yet. The piece should stand on its own, without explanation.
Ususually, "dark" would be symbolic for "evil". So why don't you just say "fools"?
A fable is usually a story with a moral - so instead of being convoluted and having it mean "wisdom", why don't you simply call it what it is. Wisdom. ?
You don't want to be seen "trying" to be poetic. You want to BE poetic - and that means speaking in language that is clear and understandable, ok?
Best wishes
Sharyn
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Al, your style is becoming more concise, which is great. But I'd suggest that if you have to "explain" the symbolism in author notes, it's still not there yet. The piece should stand on its own, without explanation.
Ususually, "dark" would be symbolic for "evil". So why don't you just say "fools"?
A fable is usually a story with a moral - so instead of being convoluted and having it mean "wisdom", why don't you simply call it what it is. Wisdom. ?
You don't want to be seen "trying" to be poetic. You want to BE poetic - and that means speaking in language that is clear and understandable, ok?
Best wishes
Sharyn
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
so what do we do at sunset?
do we become foolish?
are we not foolish in the light?
why isn't the world square?
why am i asking these stupid questions?
are yes....wisdom....
one dollar thirty-nine cents worth.
thank you.
regards, eph.
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so what do we do at sunset?
do we become foolish?
are we not foolish in the light?
why isn't the world square?
why am i asking these stupid questions?
are yes....wisdom....
one dollar thirty-nine cents worth.
thank you.
regards, eph.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from Harlequin
Carefully chosen words, great symbolism and metaphores made your poem a great read for me. Another truly thought-provoking piece of poetry. Thanks for sharing.
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Carefully chosen words, great symbolism and metaphores made your poem a great read for me. Another truly thought-provoking piece of poetry. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from Janet Foor
Excellent us of alliteration with Fake fables fade, fall, faint fast. Great use of descriptive language. Powerful statement with True wisdom timeless, fake is temporary.
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Excellent us of alliteration with Fake fables fade, fall, faint fast. Great use of descriptive language. Powerful statement with True wisdom timeless, fake is temporary.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
Comment from GracieAnn
Effective use of alliteration with interesting coupling of words throughout. Unusual lack of the use of pronouns which makes the reader really have to think the thought process through with several readings necessary to get the idea. Not an easy read.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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Effective use of alliteration with interesting coupling of words throughout. Unusual lack of the use of pronouns which makes the reader really have to think the thought process through with several readings necessary to get the idea. Not an easy read.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS.
