Haiku (birds on wires)
Haiku10 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Congrats on your prize--well won. I rarely give six stars, more rarely still for short poems, but this is masterful--imagery is startling, fresh, clever, and whimsical. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2020
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Congrats on your prize--well won. I rarely give six stars, more rarely still for short poems, but this is masterful--imagery is startling, fresh, clever, and whimsical. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 26-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2020
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Many thanks, Liz. I am happy to have pried one of those rare sixes from your grasp!
Steve
Comment from dragonpoet
Steve, It seems this haiku is an ekphrastic poem inspired by the artwork. If not you were very lucky to find such matching artwork.
The abacus is a good metaphor here and seeing birds is a blessing because it means spring is here.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2020
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Steve, It seems this haiku is an ekphrastic poem inspired by the artwork. If not you were very lucky to find such matching artwork.
The abacus is a good metaphor here and seeing birds is a blessing because it means spring is here.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 25-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Joan. If you can call the power lines outside my house an artwork, then this is ekphrastic. For me the words always come first and then I look for an artwork - not always as successfully as this time!
Steve
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You are most kindly welcome, Steve
It's artwork because photography is an art.
Comment from Joan E.
What a fascinating analogy you have created with an abacus in this 3-6-5 haiku. Your use of alliteration added to the intensity and the picture reinforced it. Congratulations on having your poem so well received in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2020
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What a fascinating analogy you have created with an abacus in this 3-6-5 haiku. Your use of alliteration added to the intensity and the picture reinforced it. Congratulations on having your poem so well received in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 24-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Joan - glad you enjoyed. I was struck by this image when I saw the swallows on the power lines outside my house.
Steve
Comment from w.j.debi
I can see how these birds would make you think of an abacus. My first thought at seeing the picture was that is looked like musical notes and could make fingers want to start plucking some guitar strings.
Great job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2020
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I can see how these birds would make you think of an abacus. My first thought at seeing the picture was that is looked like musical notes and could make fingers want to start plucking some guitar strings.
Great job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2020
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Thank you. Yes, I've seen the musical notes comparison before, so I wanted something a little different...
Steve
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, this made me smile! This is a clever write as birds come and go on this wire it is difficult to keep up with the counting! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2020
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Ha ha ha, this made me smile! This is a clever write as birds come and go on this wire it is difficult to keep up with the counting! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Dolly. Think of all those flying Chinese fingers!
Steve
Comment from L.L.M
Hi there. Great simplicity in your Haiku poem. Great topic and got an immediate understanding of your poem. Very well constructed. Well done and best of luck. Lourens
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Hi there. Great simplicity in your Haiku poem. Great topic and got an immediate understanding of your poem. Very well constructed. Well done and best of luck. Lourens
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Hi, Lourens. Welcome to FanStory - hope you like it here.
Thanks for the review.
Steve
Comment from Pantygynt
Yes indeed! They do look as though you could slide them along those wires to aid your calculations. Think this haiku follows the guidelines well and is also compliant with many of the more complex guidelines outside the requirements of this contest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Yes indeed! They do look as though you could slide them along those wires to aid your calculations. Think this haiku follows the guidelines well and is also compliant with many of the more complex guidelines outside the requirements of this contest.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thank you. I don't worry about the complexities too much - I doubt whether there's a kigo here! I just hope the judges don't even know what that means!
Steve
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The birds perch on wires prior to migration south for the winter so that is my kigo here. It is autumn.
Comment from humpwhistle
I had every faith you wouldn't resort to musical notes, Steve, but I am delighted by the abacus! Most unexpected. So many feathered beads.
Very clever.
Seems to me to add up to a winner, but one never knows.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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I had every faith you wouldn't resort to musical notes, Steve, but I am delighted by the abacus! Most unexpected. So many feathered beads.
Very clever.
Seems to me to add up to a winner, but one never knows.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Lee. I was counting on you for a great review.
I have no idea how those darn things work, but they've got to be easier than bloody slide rules!
Steve
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Don't ask me, my friend. I haven't even mastered those bloody beads above a billiards table.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! That's so cute! I often see a score of music when I see birds on wires. But you're right that it could be said that it looks like an abacus, too. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Lol! That's so cute! I often see a score of music when I see birds on wires. But you're right that it could be said that it looks like an abacus, too. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Helen. That's the image that floated into my mind.
Steve
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good image and
presentation, Steve.
-Good syllable count
and nature imagery.
-I like the second line,
as it can apply to a
number of things,
like counting syllables!
-Good satori line, too.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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-Good image and
presentation, Steve.
-Good syllable count
and nature imagery.
-I like the second line,
as it can apply to a
number of things,
like counting syllables!
-Good satori line, too.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Pam.
Any idea how abacuses work? No, me neither!
Steve
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You are very welcome, Steve. I know a little bit about them, but I have never used one. Maybe it's something that goes haywire, ha, ha.
