He Did Not Share With Me
Sad memories of my grandfather.22 total reviews
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hello, I am sorry for your loss. Grief is the hardest of emotions. I loved your repeating line:
I shared the room with grandpa, he did not share with me.
That says so much in so few words, and for me, was what made this poem 'excellent'.
The imagery paints such a vivid scene of sadness and decline, and in that way, certainly met the criteria for the prompt.
I don't have any suggestions for improvement and thanks for sharing your thoughts about your grandfather in the poem, and a little of yourself in those author notes, cheers, Eve.
p.s I would have found it confronting as a child too. What you experienced.
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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Hello, I am sorry for your loss. Grief is the hardest of emotions. I loved your repeating line:
I shared the room with grandpa, he did not share with me.
That says so much in so few words, and for me, was what made this poem 'excellent'.
The imagery paints such a vivid scene of sadness and decline, and in that way, certainly met the criteria for the prompt.
I don't have any suggestions for improvement and thanks for sharing your thoughts about your grandfather in the poem, and a little of yourself in those author notes, cheers, Eve.
p.s I would have found it confronting as a child too. What you experienced.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Blessings Eve and thank you for your excellent review and rating. Your thoughts and comments are also greatly appreciated.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is incredibly sad, and even somewhat horrifying, to think of a child living with it. It was almost a wake-like nightly visitation of family members filing in to pay respects to your grandfather.
Throat cancer is a vicious one. I have seen a few people who had their voice box removed; it's a fearsome thing. I quit smoking at age 27 (almost 35 years ago) and I'm glad I did, by the grace of God. I'm glad smoking is no longer as popular as it was, when I was young.
I can imagine that you didn't dare misbehave, in the presence of such tragically stolen joy of living. Your theme, "He did not share with me," was well chosen for this poem; indeed, he couldn't share -- his loss, his void was so great, there was no room for a child's exuberance. You literally and figuratively slept in his shadow. This is so well written and evokes compassion for you both; while written in free verse, the rhymes work very well and fit in seamlessly.
Your poem is really like a punch in the gut, but that's a compliment. You did an excellent job.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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This is incredibly sad, and even somewhat horrifying, to think of a child living with it. It was almost a wake-like nightly visitation of family members filing in to pay respects to your grandfather.
Throat cancer is a vicious one. I have seen a few people who had their voice box removed; it's a fearsome thing. I quit smoking at age 27 (almost 35 years ago) and I'm glad I did, by the grace of God. I'm glad smoking is no longer as popular as it was, when I was young.
I can imagine that you didn't dare misbehave, in the presence of such tragically stolen joy of living. Your theme, "He did not share with me," was well chosen for this poem; indeed, he couldn't share -- his loss, his void was so great, there was no room for a child's exuberance. You literally and figuratively slept in his shadow. This is so well written and evokes compassion for you both; while written in free verse, the rhymes work very well and fit in seamlessly.
Your poem is really like a punch in the gut, but that's a compliment. You did an excellent job.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Blessings Mary and thank you for your exceptional review and rating. Believe it or not even after seeing all the suffering and sickness wreaked on my family because of smoking, I also took up the habit while in college. I got hooked at age 20 but was delivered at 30 when I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior and he set me free. That was 27 years ago and I'm still free today, as you said, by the grace of God.
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You're very welcome. Yes, I smoked for about 10-11 years myself. God was so good to deliver us from that! Many blessings to you also. May God keep you and your family safe and well. - Mary Kay
