He Did Not Share With Me
Sad memories of my grandfather.22 total reviews
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
This is a good poem. A sad one, yes, but that was the assignment. It flows, it has a good rhythm, as I noticed, even more, when I read it aloud.
The repetition of the line "I shared the room with Grandpa, He did not share with me" is very functional here. I think that this is also what saddened the speaker most of all. The being shut-out, not belonging.
Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
  |
This is a good poem. A sad one, yes, but that was the assignment. It flows, it has a good rhythm, as I noticed, even more, when I read it aloud.
The repetition of the line "I shared the room with Grandpa, He did not share with me" is very functional here. I think that this is also what saddened the speaker most of all. The being shut-out, not belonging.
Well done.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
blessings Marjon and thank you for your excellent review and rating. And you are right, that is what saddened me the most and continues to this day.
-
I am glad with your answer. Bless you.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your free verse contest entry is well-written, Mystery Author. Your lines flow smoothly with great details and imagery. It is a poignant poem, though. I like the repeated line about not sharing. Your image choice is a good pairing, too. Thanks for the notes, although, they are bittersweet. Best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
Your free verse contest entry is well-written, Mystery Author. Your lines flow smoothly with great details and imagery. It is a poignant poem, though. I like the repeated line about not sharing. Your image choice is a good pairing, too. Thanks for the notes, although, they are bittersweet. Best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Jan and thank you for your excellent review and rating. Yes, the sharing was what was most missing from my grandpa. At times he?d try but would get frustrated because I couldn?t understand and then he just stopped trying.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Not hearing your grandfather's voice, ut still living with hi, is indeed a hard row to hoe. That memory will stay with you till you die. Well written!
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
Not hearing your grandfather's voice, ut still living with hi, is indeed a hard row to hoe. That memory will stay with you till you die. Well written!
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings and thank you for your excellent review and rating. I appreciate your comments.
-
You're very welcome.
Comment from June Sargent
This is really a very sad piece. Most memories are sensory experiences - the scent of a perfume, the feel of scarf, the sight of a loved ones smile, the taste of chicken soup or the sound of a voice. You never had that with him. Thank you for sharing these sentiments from your heart.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
This is really a very sad piece. Most memories are sensory experiences - the scent of a perfume, the feel of scarf, the sight of a loved ones smile, the taste of chicken soup or the sound of a voice. You never had that with him. Thank you for sharing these sentiments from your heart.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings June and thank you for your excellent review and rating. I appreciate your comments as well.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about a sad poem if a boy who shared a room with a grandfather who never shared anything with him and all the boy have as memories are the dark corners as be death of an old man who was his grandfather
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
A very well-written poem about a sad poem if a boy who shared a room with a grandfather who never shared anything with him and all the boy have as memories are the dark corners as be death of an old man who was his grandfather
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Sandra and thank you for your excellent review and rating.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a poem that deserves to be read aloud. Great sense of meter, rhyme, and pathos. I would just capitalize Grandpa, since you are referring to him by his title. Very nice writing prompt entry.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
 |
This is a poem that deserves to be read aloud. Great sense of meter, rhyme, and pathos. I would just capitalize Grandpa, since you are referring to him by his title. Very nice writing prompt entry.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Crystie and thank you for your exceptional review and rating. You're right about the capitalization. I was up late last night trying to beat the deadline, and going back to it some time today and look for other errors.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Sad Poems writing prompt.
This heartfelt piece is very sad.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
I think this is a good entry for the Sad Poems writing prompt.
This heartfelt piece is very sad.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Sharon and thank you for your excellent review and rating.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
At first glance , when you read this poem there is more to your sadness, there it's lots of regret of being shoveled into a room with a person that you never knew if they wanted to have you there at all:"A dead silence was left only
To forever sound in me
I shared the room with grandpa
He did not share with me.
"
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
At first glance , when you read this poem there is more to your sadness, there it's lots of regret of being shoveled into a room with a person that you never knew if they wanted to have you there at all:"A dead silence was left only
To forever sound in me
I shared the room with grandpa
He did not share with me.
"
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Iza and thank you for your insight and excellent review and rating.
Comment from LisaMay
This is a very poignant portrayal of illness and sense of loss. It captures the emotion of a young person witnessing events and being somewhat overwhelmed. There are some very evocative lines. These are my favourites
:
I was lost and
Adrift
Upon his vast, but silent sea
and
My mind left only to imagine, the tone and tenor
Of his utterance back then.
So I'd wander, wildly searching for lost echoes in the wind
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
This is a very poignant portrayal of illness and sense of loss. It captures the emotion of a young person witnessing events and being somewhat overwhelmed. There are some very evocative lines. These are my favourites
:
I was lost and
Adrift
Upon his vast, but silent sea
and
My mind left only to imagine, the tone and tenor
Of his utterance back then.
So I'd wander, wildly searching for lost echoes in the wind
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Lisa and thank you for your thoughtful comment's, also for your excellent review and rating.
Comment from Opeyemi Diamond
This is a beautiful poem. Memories shared can't be forgotten. I'm sure he must have loved to share with you as well but he just couldn't. This is a really nice. Well done
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
|
This is a beautiful poem. Memories shared can't be forgotten. I'm sure he must have loved to share with you as well but he just couldn't. This is a really nice. Well done
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
-
Blessings Opeyemi and thank you for your excellent review and rating. I did get the sense that he might have liked to share with me but couldn't.
-
You're welcome
