Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Devils!"Experiences of living
107 total reviews
Comment from Ladygreeneyes
Hello Alcreator.
This is an inspiring and thought
provoking tanka, the devil IS everywhere
waiting for us in time of weakness and
temptation! Great write, the only thing I
see was the word more, used three times
in the one line, but otherwise...awesome!!
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Hello Alcreator.
This is an inspiring and thought
provoking tanka, the devil IS everywhere
waiting for us in time of weakness and
temptation! Great write, the only thing I
see was the word more, used three times
in the one line, but otherwise...awesome!!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from Dklrdmcches
the power is in this well written poem. I would love to see you explore a free verse poem or prose because I would really love to see your imagery and passion at its fullest. thank you for sharing...dklrd
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the power is in this well written poem. I would love to see you explore a free verse poem or prose because I would really love to see your imagery and passion at its fullest. thank you for sharing...dklrd
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from volunteer angel
Nice tanka. Devils are everywhere and we have to be aware of the temptation when it occurs. We seem to always want more of whatever we should avoid.
Great job on this poem. V.A.
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Nice tanka. Devils are everywhere and we have to be aware of the temptation when it occurs. We seem to always want more of whatever we should avoid.
Great job on this poem. V.A.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from Josipher32
The second line of the stanza seems a little forced. It seems like you could have done something more than repetition to fullfill the syllable requirement. The 3rd line sounds like 6 syllables to me.
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The second line of the stanza seems a little forced. It seems like you could have done something more than repetition to fullfill the syllable requirement. The 3rd line sounds like 6 syllables to me.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from cutie
Hitting the mark impressions again! By following inflammatory feelings you think you follow your bliss? >>>>>>>Hiss.......!<<<<<<
stop and look at the stigma on your forehead;isn't it the Devil's piss?
Wow...!
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Hitting the mark impressions again! By following inflammatory feelings you think you follow your bliss? >>>>>>>Hiss.......!<<<<<<
stop and look at the stigma on your forehead;isn't it the Devil's piss?
Wow...!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from rhymer1
The message is well delivered in terse form, and in strict adherence to Tanka requirements.
As for the source of the devils; on one level, all in the mind, on another, imposed by culture/religion on the mind. The big question is not addressed, but the answer is, "The moon is but a slice of cheese balanced on the teacup of the earth." anon
Cheers, rhymer1
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The message is well delivered in terse form, and in strict adherence to Tanka requirements.
As for the source of the devils; on one level, all in the mind, on another, imposed by culture/religion on the mind. The big question is not addressed, but the answer is, "The moon is but a slice of cheese balanced on the teacup of the earth." anon
Cheers, rhymer1
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from KING SLATON
Your structure as well as your format are all in tact and laid out nicely.
The only part that stood out was the second line "more, more, more" which gives the reader the feeling that this repetition was just to fill the count and does little to enhance the work.
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Your structure as well as your format are all in tact and laid out nicely.
The only part that stood out was the second line "more, more, more" which gives the reader the feeling that this repetition was just to fill the count and does little to enhance the work.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from Shari_K
The devil shows himself in many forms and catches us at our weakest and/or weakens us if we let him. Your tanka is short but tells so much. I love the picture you chose for this as well, perfect fit. Excellent poem!
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The devil shows himself in many forms and catches us at our weakest and/or weakens us if we let him. Your tanka is short but tells so much. I love the picture you chose for this as well, perfect fit. Excellent poem!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from LoneWriter
So true! These demons in many forms and feed on our weaknesses, first creating and then promising to eliminate our dissatisfaction. Yet that never ever happens. I like the picture you used with the poem. Nice read.
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So true! These demons in many forms and feed on our weaknesses, first creating and then promising to eliminate our dissatisfaction. Yet that never ever happens. I like the picture you used with the poem. Nice read.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2006
Comment from mhk
This pivots on 'Nay you', I see. Through desire and illusion, Devils deceive. Nay is right! Concise, thoughtful, inspiring. Rationality is the balance. Nicely penned.
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This pivots on 'Nay you', I see. Through desire and illusion, Devils deceive. Nay is right! Concise, thoughtful, inspiring. Rationality is the balance. Nicely penned.
Comment Written 31-May-2006
