Comment from joyshri

Good

I am missing the musical words here. Though it is pithy, precise in idea and word structure, for me poetry, blank or otherwise has to have rhythm and music. I notice this is one of your earlier works which explains a lot. You have grown a lot since. Joyshri.

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2006

Comment from GeorgeRoberts

Excellent

Very good poem. Yes, the devil in us all seeks more and more, no matter how satiated we become. What is it in our nature, mewonders, which cannot be satisfied with what we have? I suppose some of us can, perhaps those that can control their lust for more have tamed the devil within. Well done. Kind regards - GeorgeRoberts

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2006

Comment from Angel Lee

Average

I am enjoyed it, but there is a break in the rhythm at the end. I really enjoyed the picture you chose to go with it. Well done.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from Ambrosia_Babe

Good

Desire! Illusion!!
Want more, more and more somehow

Isn't that just the sad truth of the state of the world we live in.

To be honest i don't understand how you get your 5-7-5-7 syllables.
I guess itmust depend on the way you say the words.
I am sure it is very true to the style you were trying to submit but it makes not a lot of fluid sense, more just a collection of words thrown together on the page.

i do like the first two lines and the last but the other two are redundant- or would be but for the need of 5-75-

keep trying you usually write better stuff from what i have read of your work.

Regards AB :)

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from 3G Aum

Excellent

these tanka poems are just something i'm not even going to attempt at this point. i understand what you're saying but i don't understand the beauty of the form. perhaps i will keep reading and it will dawn on me. ;)

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from CaseyMezera

Good

Hello Al

I liked this a bunch. Great ending

I didn't like the second line. I think that in short works like tanka, haiku, senryu, and just about all poetry I guess, economy of words is paramount. I didn't find anything truely profound in "Want more, more and more somehow", and it leaves me thinking that there is a better way to describe the longing feeling without saying more, more and more. I hope that makes sense.

Ax

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from sandramarie

Excellent

This is powerful and thought-provoking.
You always manage to convey such
deep thoughts with so few words, AL.
This one is no exception.

Thanks for sharing.

Sandy

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from joboofoo

Excellent

Very nice.

You kept to the Tanka and did so very creatively.

And you were able to capture a whole idea very well.

This was a nice little read.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from mlmitchell62

Average

I have to be honest. This wasn't my cup of tea. I found the references more confusing than realistic. It did not provoke any images to my mind which is what good poetry does to me. I liked the art work.

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 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006

Comment from Donaya Haymond

Excellent

Waxing philosophical, I see. This poem has given me a little chewy nugget of concept for me to ponder. This is a good companion to your poem "Be Nada". I like the picture.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2006