Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Good syllable count
and topic.
-A good opening line with
effective alliteration.
-You have a good message
about what it is like
to be penniless-there
is no room for you.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2021

Comment from elchupakabra

Excellent

This was really off the wall and I loved it - I really like how you had the strong alliteration all through to the end - Doom ye are!

That's my one note - change all the you's to ye's for added effect.

Great work, thanks for sharing. Later daze.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2021

Comment from hari anand

Excellent

I am a regular follower of your poetry in Oh life! Thank you for authors note iy made my understanding of this poem easier. Loved it too.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2013

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Sounds nihilistic to me. Or maybe existentialism is your philosophy here. No matter what language you say it in, a nobody is a nobody is a nobody. And nobody can take up room or have a name. So doomed you be.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

Comment from justatuna

Good

Once again your words grab me, but just writing words without any real structure just doesn't work for me. Doesn't mean it's not really good as I'm no expert, but there has to be some sense to the reader. I know it makes sense to you, but you have to give the reader a chance to understand.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013

THANKS

Comment from Jaq Cee

Good

Na, nadir = no; not (Scottish)

Being Scottish myself these are two words that I have never heard used.

The others are indeed of the Scottish venacular.

We should treat people how we would wish to be treated. I guess this is the messsage with this write. :) Jaq

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013

THANKS

Comment from Galactia

Average

I'm sorry, A very creative idea, But you can easily get lost through your word play, especially when you haven't specified exactly what all the words mean. I know...

Be nadir, nada = Be not, nothing (mocking use)
Na, nadir = no; not (Scottish)
Nada = nothing; nothingness
Nab, nap = to seize; to steal
Naebody = nobody;
Naething = nothin

you have specified, yet u still can't make sense of it through your poem.

the rest leaves ???????????

No room = ironic use ?
Nae game = satirical use ?
Doom = witty and ironic use ?
Nadir, nada =?

I can't even guess it.
Your poems need to be clear from the start, when someone buys your book, they don't want to guess or read author notes, they want to enjoy the message within your poem, after reading your poem.

Good attempt

Regards
tia

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013

THANKS

Comment from JM daSilva

Good

I don't know what you are talking about. This is some kind of code for a private club. But I'll try. You are saying if we have nothing, nobody can steal anything from you. I guess.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013

THANKS

Comment from TiffanyLeeBaldwin

Excellent

What a great job on your poem and thank you so much for the key to help me understand. I think that you did such a nice job. I look forward to reading more of your work.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

Comment from simplyteresa

Excellent

I fully enjoy poetry with strong emotion and messages. I look forward to reading more chapters. You have put into words feelings that are hard for some to articulate. Great job.

"No room", "nae game", "doom you are"!

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2013