Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Morals!"Experiences of living
185 total reviews
Comment from AmokMuse
Kick Butt!!! Good job. I really liked this a lot. And it is true, we lose our pens (and our voices) then our country is lost :-) Great job writing, an easy one to read. Cyndee :-)
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Kick Butt!!! Good job. I really liked this a lot. And it is true, we lose our pens (and our voices) then our country is lost :-) Great job writing, an easy one to read. Cyndee :-)
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from GRSaine
Hi ALCREATOR WRITER,
Your tanka, "Morals" certainly tells the story of modern day politics and foreign policy. In the eyes of much of the world today, the former glory of the U.S. is no more. The leaders have sold its birthright for a barrel of oil.
GRSaine
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Hi ALCREATOR WRITER,
Your tanka, "Morals" certainly tells the story of modern day politics and foreign policy. In the eyes of much of the world today, the former glory of the U.S. is no more. The leaders have sold its birthright for a barrel of oil.
GRSaine
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from Julia.
You get three stars for getting the form/syllable count right for a tanka. However, I've read this several times now, and I still not clear on the message. I think you're trying to make a political statement about the leaders of a country losing a race of some type and submtting to terrorists. Unfortunately, there's no context for this. What country? What actions? What race? Short political poems must be pretty specific and make every word count. Also, the lack of articles and lack of matching of subjects and verbs makes this difficult to read.
There's also some logic that is not clear. Why does the narrator losing a pen result in a lesson on morals when losing a pen has nothing to do with morals? Then the jump to saying "what about leaders" is the sort of defensive behavior that drives me crazy in my position at work as a manager. It's not addressing the issue at hand and saying, "well so what if I did something wrong, Tom did something wrong, too." That's not the point. *sigh* Anyway, it's just something you might consider--it's an illogical jump in the thought process that weakens the poem IMO.
Good luck with this.
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You get three stars for getting the form/syllable count right for a tanka. However, I've read this several times now, and I still not clear on the message. I think you're trying to make a political statement about the leaders of a country losing a race of some type and submtting to terrorists. Unfortunately, there's no context for this. What country? What actions? What race? Short political poems must be pretty specific and make every word count. Also, the lack of articles and lack of matching of subjects and verbs makes this difficult to read.
There's also some logic that is not clear. Why does the narrator losing a pen result in a lesson on morals when losing a pen has nothing to do with morals? Then the jump to saying "what about leaders" is the sort of defensive behavior that drives me crazy in my position at work as a manager. It's not addressing the issue at hand and saying, "well so what if I did something wrong, Tom did something wrong, too." That's not the point. *sigh* Anyway, it's just something you might consider--it's an illogical jump in the thought process that weakens the poem IMO.
Good luck with this.
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from mayflowerbg
Who am I to review this work? It says all and I did check the syllables; not because I didn't trust you, but because this form intrigued me most. It gave me inspiration to answer with the following (it's a saying in my mother's tongue):
Most leaders are like
intestines of a dead swine:
you just pull a gut
and there, stinking and hot,
comes out their whole loathsome lot.
I am very much impressed that you write in four languages. I have tried only two.
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Who am I to review this work? It says all and I did check the syllables; not because I didn't trust you, but because this form intrigued me most. It gave me inspiration to answer with the following (it's a saying in my mother's tongue):
Most leaders are like
intestines of a dead swine:
you just pull a gut
and there, stinking and hot,
comes out their whole loathsome lot.
I am very much impressed that you write in four languages. I have tried only two.
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from TillMcCauley
interesting take on current subject matter.I enjoyed reading this one a lot, it gave me so much to think about.I also loved the format you chose to use.
Till
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interesting take on current subject matter.I enjoyed reading this one a lot, it gave me so much to think about.I also loved the format you chose to use.
Till
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from Sallyo
This is a nicely produced tanka, on a very serious subject. I like the almost shorthand way you've put the words together. As to the question - well! The answer to that is obvious. People think YOU might listen, but they know the leaders you mention WON'T!
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This is a nicely produced tanka, on a very serious subject. I like the almost shorthand way you've put the words together. As to the question - well! The answer to that is obvious. People think YOU might listen, but they know the leaders you mention WON'T!
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from Sassybaby
This is the first Tanka I have ever read. I enjoyed it immensely. I liked the general idea and the lesson that is inside this Tanka. The structure is very good and you stayed within the designated syllables. This is very nice!
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This is the first Tanka I have ever read. I enjoyed it immensely. I liked the general idea and the lesson that is inside this Tanka. The structure is very good and you stayed within the designated syllables. This is very nice!
Comment Written 12-May-2006
Comment from edb
Much in little.
The beauty of conciseness is like that of the globe... both cover the greatest volume with the minimum surface area.
I really enjoyed this work. Good job.
Thanks,
Ed
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Much in little.
The beauty of conciseness is like that of the globe... both cover the greatest volume with the minimum surface area.
I really enjoyed this work. Good job.
Thanks,
Ed
Comment Written 12-May-2006
Comment from Doreen Dulally
Smiles
You sure have a following
What can I say
I best change my style
Ididn't like it...but what would I know I've never been recognized
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Smiles
You sure have a following
What can I say
I best change my style
Ididn't like it...but what would I know I've never been recognized
Comment Written 12-May-2006
Comment from AmoksSoulmate
Excellent little Tanka. Very powerful message in so few words. Your syllable count is perfect. Your carefully chosen words convey a clear and concise message. Thanks for sharing.
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Excellent little Tanka. Very powerful message in so few words. Your syllable count is perfect. Your carefully chosen words convey a clear and concise message. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-May-2006
