In the Pawn Shop
an 80-word story11 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
A good one. Best of luck in the contest. The tables turned on the thief who tried to sell the gun. Nothing wrong with guns as long as they're in the hands of those properly trained to use them. Marilyn
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2020
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A good one. Best of luck in the contest. The tables turned on the thief who tried to sell the gun. Nothing wrong with guns as long as they're in the hands of those properly trained to use them. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2020
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I am delighted you enjoyed this very short story, Marilyn. Thank you for sharing. Rod
Comment from lyenochka
An excellent surprise. We know that the "customer" is nervous "shooting a look" and the surprise is on him because he brought the gun to pawn from the owner of the shop! Great twist and well told. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2020
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An excellent surprise. We know that the "customer" is nervous "shooting a look" and the surprise is on him because he brought the gun to pawn from the owner of the shop! Great twist and well told. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2020
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I am so pleased you enjoyed my short-short and were surprised at the end. Thank you, lyenochka, for your very kind praise. Rod
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Surprise! 80 Words or Less writing prompt.
This short story is well told with a surprised ending.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Surprise! 80 Words or Less writing prompt.
This short story is well told with a surprised ending.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Thank you very much, Sharon. I am delighted you enjoyed my short-short.
Comment from LisaMay
Good surprise for the guilty young man in your story. It's well told, setting the scene, and describing the body language. I bet pawn shops have these situations quite often.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Good surprise for the guilty young man in your story. It's well told, setting the scene, and describing the body language. I bet pawn shops have these situations quite often.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Thank you very much, Lisa, for your kind praise of IN THE PAWN SHOP. Yes, my father had a jewelry store/pawn shop and occasionally young men would try to sell him jewelry they had obviously stolen.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A clever story summed up in 80 words which is not an easy task, but you managed to arrange your words into a fine story here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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A clever story summed up in 80 words which is not an easy task, but you managed to arrange your words into a fine story here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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I am delighted you enjoyed my 80-word short short, Dolly. Thank you for your kind praise.
Comment from RShipp
Wow! Now that would have been a surprise!
You picked a great topic for your surprise and placed your characters in an interesting place for your surprise. Great irony!!!
I enjoyed the read.
Best of luck in the 80 Words Surprise Story Contest.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Wow! Now that would have been a surprise!
You picked a great topic for your surprise and placed your characters in an interesting place for your surprise. Great irony!!!
I enjoyed the read.
Best of luck in the 80 Words Surprise Story Contest.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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I am delighted you thought I picked a great topic for my short short. Many thanks for sharing.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent story in true flash fiction genre. I never thouht of theft (honestly) just the possibility that the young man had taken his (not dead) father's gun without asking - in my mind he needed the money to buy food.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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This is an excellent story in true flash fiction genre. I never thouht of theft (honestly) just the possibility that the young man had taken his (not dead) father's gun without asking - in my mind he needed the money to buy food.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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I really like how you see so much more in the young man who brought the gun. Indeed one wonders what his motive was for stealing it. Many thanks for sharing and your kind praise, Katherine.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is really good and well thought out. I guess the lad was trying to pawn stolen goods even though He may or may not have known this. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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This is really good and well thought out. I guess the lad was trying to pawn stolen goods even though He may or may not have known this. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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I am delighted you like my story so much, Jeffrey. Many thanks for sharing it and your kind praise.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
No wonder the seller was nervous. Your story reads well for this contest. Good job with it and the great pairing of the picture. You handled the prompt well. Rest wishes. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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No wonder the seller was nervous. Your story reads well for this contest. Good job with it and the great pairing of the picture. You handled the prompt well. Rest wishes. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Jan. I?m delighted you enjoyed the story.
Comment from susand3022
Hello, Author, this is a fun, and unexpected 80-Word Contest entry. I have to say, I never saw that coming! A good surprise ending is key! I did find one error... an additional " mark at the end of the 5th paragraph. That's it! Good luck in the contest! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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Hello, Author, this is a fun, and unexpected 80-Word Contest entry. I have to say, I never saw that coming! A good surprise ending is key! I did find one error... an additional " mark at the end of the 5th paragraph. That's it! Good luck in the contest! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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I am so pleased my flash fiction story surprised you, Susan. Thank you for your kind praise and pointing out my typo.
