St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 59 "St. Louis Chapter 25 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
15 total reviews
Comment from RShipp
Ohhhh... such dry sarcasm. "Do you think it'll be a safe enough occupation for me?" I love dry sarcasm!
I have enjoyed each chapter of your story so far.
Keep up the entertaining work.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Ohhhh... such dry sarcasm. "Do you think it'll be a safe enough occupation for me?" I love dry sarcasm!
I have enjoyed each chapter of your story so far.
Keep up the entertaining work.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sally Law
I love the sweet romance developing here and Logan's protective nature. Enter Bill who is just a doll and a father to her. With a murder investigation, strength in numbers is always a good idea. It is the military way, too. I grew up in a military family and had a brother who was a Green Beret. He always said that... Strength in numbers.
A small improvement for your consideration.
You wrote: Logan studied McKenzie a few moments before he said, "Because I'm in the military, I'm required to remain in shape, even on leave. I don't have any warning when I might be deployed. I could get a call within the next ten minutes or tomorrow that I need to leave. The safety of my team and myself could depend on me remaining in shape."
My suggestion: "Logan studied Mackenzie before attempting to reason with her. Because...." Reason is a better choice of wording here and paints a broader picture. I hope this is helpful.
Sorry to be so late with my review. The coronavirus and my close of my business, (I'm the CEO of my family's manufacturing company) has hit my family hard. Still, I write and trust in God. I hope you and yours are well.
I look forward to the next one.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2020
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I love the sweet romance developing here and Logan's protective nature. Enter Bill who is just a doll and a father to her. With a murder investigation, strength in numbers is always a good idea. It is the military way, too. I grew up in a military family and had a brother who was a Green Beret. He always said that... Strength in numbers.
A small improvement for your consideration.
You wrote: Logan studied McKenzie a few moments before he said, "Because I'm in the military, I'm required to remain in shape, even on leave. I don't have any warning when I might be deployed. I could get a call within the next ten minutes or tomorrow that I need to leave. The safety of my team and myself could depend on me remaining in shape."
My suggestion: "Logan studied Mackenzie before attempting to reason with her. Because...." Reason is a better choice of wording here and paints a broader picture. I hope this is helpful.
Sorry to be so late with my review. The coronavirus and my close of my business, (I'm the CEO of my family's manufacturing company) has hit my family hard. Still, I write and trust in God. I hope you and yours are well.
I look forward to the next one.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 31-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2020
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I am always honored to receive your review. I appreciate the help. I have made the change. I will pray for your family. We all need to stick together to win this battle.
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It is my pleasure. So many great writers here has bc we helped me just to improve and grow. I look back to last year at this time and Im amazed at how much alive grown as a writer. I owe it to so many. My list is long. Some Werner as nice as you and it was hard to take. It still is so etimes especially if they weren't very nice about it. I just muted someone and told her upfront she needed to work on her reviewing manners. She couldn't ever leave me a review without a backhanded compliment and then couldn't really say what it was she didn't like. I hate that. I vowed to be polite and helpful. If so can't do that then I move on in my review. I'm so glad you found this helpful and that it helped and encouraged. xoxo
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I do understand. I had a reviewer who would cut me down as a writer and a human. I asked him, nicely, about it and he muted me. LOL Oh well.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
There was a lot talked over in this part. I can understand Bill being worried about Mac, and Logan for that matter. Someone out there is determined to get to them. It will be interesting to find out if there are any useful fingerprints on that message Bill is having analysed. The story is coming along beautifully, Barbara. I'm really enjoying it. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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There was a lot talked over in this part. I can understand Bill being worried about Mac, and Logan for that matter. Someone out there is determined to get to them. It will be interesting to find out if there are any useful fingerprints on that message Bill is having analysed. The story is coming along beautifully, Barbara. I'm really enjoying it. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(on his was s/b on his way; go to guy s/b go-to guy; work-out s/b work out--separate words for verb as used here; workout for noun) dialog sounds natural--not sure what's going on here, having just jumped in. Well written. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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(on his was s/b on his way; go to guy s/b go-to guy; work-out s/b work out--separate words for verb as used here; workout for noun) dialog sounds natural--not sure what's going on here, having just jumped in. Well written. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Okay, I'll check out those areas. Thank you for stopping by.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Barbara, I wish that this 'chapter' was longer. I find myself wanting more... always wanting more... :)
I did find one typo:
... On his (way) to the shower,...
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hi Barbara, I wish that this 'chapter' was longer. I find myself wanting more... always wanting more... :)
I did find one typo:
... On his (way) to the shower,...
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I have made the correction. Thank you for the catch. I always appreciate the help.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation having impressive wording and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end of which last 4-5 lines make the story more catchy.
Conversational approach is particularly noteworthy.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation having impressive wording and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end of which last 4-5 lines make the story more catchy.
Conversational approach is particularly noteworthy.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Barbara.Wilkey, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Finally they are getting cozy to each other and still being professionals. This chapter showcases normalcy, which is a welcome break. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Finally they are getting cozy to each other and still being professionals. This chapter showcases normalcy, which is a welcome break. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Another great chapter and you earned another 6 stars. You kept it active all the way through and the dialogue was perfect. Take care and don't let the bug near. Shirley
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Another great chapter and you earned another 6 stars. You kept it active all the way through and the dialogue was perfect. Take care and don't let the bug near. Shirley
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Sankey
Excellent chapter once again. You do have the knack of keeping our interest. Now for spags and suggestions. On his wa[s](y) to the shower,
"I'm hoping so(,) too."
Suit yourself on this next one.What time (are) you going to the hospital?"
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Excellent chapter once again. You do have the knack of keeping our interest. Now for spags and suggestions. On his wa[s](y) to the shower,
"I'm hoping so(,) too."
Suit yourself on this next one.What time (are) you going to the hospital?"
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I have made the corrections, except for the dialogue, us Americans need to butcher the language in dialogue. LOL
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Yes, true. The only ones in America who speak correct English and may even spell better are school teachers or Bostonians.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
again as I said before, You know what to write to keep us readers in suspense what is going to take place (next)
Barb, I don't understand what you mean---
"There's no way I can convince you not to jog until we figure out who's doing this, is there?"
Gert
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hello Barb
again as I said before, You know what to write to keep us readers in suspense what is going to take place (next)
Barb, I don't understand what you mean---
"There's no way I can convince you not to jog until we figure out who's doing this, is there?"
Gert
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Bill doesn't want Logan to jog, (run outside) in the mornings because of the possible danger. Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you Barb for the answer to my question, and smiles you are welcome. Gert
