Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Greedy!"Experiences of living
191 total reviews
Comment from justatuna
I'm not an expert on the structure of poetry, so I'm hesitant to give advice. Syllable count is fine, but shouldn't it flow a bit? Again, I really like the passion you have, but just writing words is lost on me. Sorry. Like I said...I'm no expert.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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I'm not an expert on the structure of poetry, so I'm hesitant to give advice. Syllable count is fine, but shouldn't it flow a bit? Again, I really like the passion you have, but just writing words is lost on me. Sorry. Like I said...I'm no expert.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS.
Comment from Crystal Carey
It was interesting to read, I had to go back and re read because of the abstract way of your writing. I still wish to see you outside your comfort zone to see what else you could come up with. I think you should do something a little more straight forward so people wouldn't need the authors notes, although abstract is nice sometimes to make you think.
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It was interesting to read, I had to go back and re read because of the abstract way of your writing. I still wish to see you outside your comfort zone to see what else you could come up with. I think you should do something a little more straight forward so people wouldn't need the authors notes, although abstract is nice sometimes to make you think.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Janet Foor
Greedy!
Haste to see, pass
Comments, views, remarks just
Think, boast, chat, pride poor like fools
Wink, escape or ignore keys, what-why-how?
Waste, lose resources at both ends!
Mess, shade wise for some time,
Leave no deep mark,
Greedy!
I appreciate your efforts to write rictameter. Very challenging.
Best wishes
Janet
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Greedy!
Haste to see, pass
Comments, views, remarks just
Think, boast, chat, pride poor like fools
Wink, escape or ignore keys, what-why-how?
Waste, lose resources at both ends!
Mess, shade wise for some time,
Leave no deep mark,
Greedy!
I appreciate your efforts to write rictameter. Very challenging.
Best wishes
Janet
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
All humans possess "greed" to some extent. It's in our genes from evolution, the desire to maximize resources to survive, a pure instinct. What is "wrong" in my view is when resources are WASTED, as you point out so well: Waste, lose resources at both ends! Good work! I'm a big fan of rictameters, hard to do, I think.
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All humans possess "greed" to some extent. It's in our genes from evolution, the desire to maximize resources to survive, a pure instinct. What is "wrong" in my view is when resources are WASTED, as you point out so well: Waste, lose resources at both ends! Good work! I'm a big fan of rictameters, hard to do, I think.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Starlit Ink
The wise do visualize and have foresight, but the greedy do damage that is hard for them to undo. There is wisdom in this write, as you speak of how greed has far-reaching effects.
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The wise do visualize and have foresight, but the greedy do damage that is hard for them to undo. There is wisdom in this write, as you speak of how greed has far-reaching effects.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from cephira
Your 'jagged' style seems to fit this theme of Greed. Only word choice I was a bit unsure of was on "Think." Thinking implies introspection and most greedy souls do not possess such an ability, or refuse to use it until its too late. Congrats on your blue ribbon and seal.
Cephira
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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Your 'jagged' style seems to fit this theme of Greed. Only word choice I was a bit unsure of was on "Think." Thinking implies introspection and most greedy souls do not possess such an ability, or refuse to use it until its too late. Congrats on your blue ribbon and seal.
Cephira
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS.
Comment from steevie
So someone starts pout as greedy and proceeds through to foolish and in doing so, ends right back at greedy again to start the cycle over.
cool poem
steve
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So someone starts pout as greedy and proceeds through to foolish and in doing so, ends right back at greedy again to start the cycle over.
cool poem
steve
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Ceallach
I can see in your author notes that you can comprehend and write English rather well but I cannot understand why your poems are written with such jagged broken English. Would you please help me understand - you have interesting thoughts and seemingly a lot to convey - but with the style you choose to write in, leaves this reader wondering what is truly being said and making it rather difficult to praise or critique. I do not wish to offend, just to understand - If I offend you, I sincerely seek your forgiveness. C~
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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I can see in your author notes that you can comprehend and write English rather well but I cannot understand why your poems are written with such jagged broken English. Would you please help me understand - you have interesting thoughts and seemingly a lot to convey - but with the style you choose to write in, leaves this reader wondering what is truly being said and making it rather difficult to praise or critique. I do not wish to offend, just to understand - If I offend you, I sincerely seek your forgiveness. C~
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS.
Comment from muezza56
i really enjoyed this writing about greedy. an interesting theme and a reflection on todays society as it was also historically, will mankind ever learn from its mistakes.....
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i really enjoyed this writing about greedy. an interesting theme and a reflection on todays society as it was also historically, will mankind ever learn from its mistakes.....
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Jean Lutz
Poetry interpretation can be different for each reader and often not what the author intended. For me this writing brought to mind: Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1 (King James Version of the Bible)
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Poetry interpretation can be different for each reader and often not what the author intended. For me this writing brought to mind: Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1 (King James Version of the Bible)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
