Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Dragons in the Palace"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
12 total reviews
Comment from DeboraDyess
Well, I've just joined but this looks awesome! I'll try to get caught up...
They will listen." said Blue. >>Should be a comma in the quotation marks, not a period. I have a weird thing about tags, anyway. I usually try to replace a speech tag with an action. In this case, I might say something like, 'Blue arched an eyebrow' (if he's got an eyebrow!) or the dragon looked into Aaron's eyes, trying to make sure he understood. And you certainly don't have to listen to my opinion. :) It's worth what you paid for it.
o tell people what to do too, as well a>>o tell people what to do (,) too, as well a
"No, said White.">>"No,(") said White. "
When Aaron tells the crowd that they have 'special little friends to help with the food' is he talking about the dragons? It may be because I'm clueless as to the beginning of the story, but it seems like it's kind of just hanging there. You might have him point to the dragons, if it's them.
This was going to be more difficult than he'd anticipated. >> Just said this in the paragraph 2 above, just not in the same wording. I'd change it up a bit.
there are sections where I now Aaron is talking to one of the dragons, but no clue who. I'd use action tags to let the reader keep it straight. Again, take this for what it's worth, but the dragons all seem to have the same personality. That's possible, of course, and it may already be established in other chapters. But if it's not, I'd take some time to define them (if they're important characters) and write into the story how they're different from each other.
I think this is a good beginning to an excellent chapter! Interested in getting into the rest of the book, mostly because this is my grandchildren's genre and they're BORED right now. lol. and it should be a good read for them.
Thank you for having it up!
Blessings on the Easter Sunday,
Deb
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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2020
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Well, I've just joined but this looks awesome! I'll try to get caught up...
They will listen." said Blue. >>Should be a comma in the quotation marks, not a period. I have a weird thing about tags, anyway. I usually try to replace a speech tag with an action. In this case, I might say something like, 'Blue arched an eyebrow' (if he's got an eyebrow!) or the dragon looked into Aaron's eyes, trying to make sure he understood. And you certainly don't have to listen to my opinion. :) It's worth what you paid for it.
o tell people what to do too, as well a>>o tell people what to do (,) too, as well a
"No, said White.">>"No,(") said White. "
When Aaron tells the crowd that they have 'special little friends to help with the food' is he talking about the dragons? It may be because I'm clueless as to the beginning of the story, but it seems like it's kind of just hanging there. You might have him point to the dragons, if it's them.
This was going to be more difficult than he'd anticipated. >> Just said this in the paragraph 2 above, just not in the same wording. I'd change it up a bit.
there are sections where I now Aaron is talking to one of the dragons, but no clue who. I'd use action tags to let the reader keep it straight. Again, take this for what it's worth, but the dragons all seem to have the same personality. That's possible, of course, and it may already be established in other chapters. But if it's not, I'd take some time to define them (if they're important characters) and write into the story how they're different from each other.
I think this is a good beginning to an excellent chapter! Interested in getting into the rest of the book, mostly because this is my grandchildren's genre and they're BORED right now. lol. and it should be a good read for them.
Thank you for having it up!
Blessings on the Easter Sunday,
Deb
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2020
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you will catch up. I'll fix that spag right away.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, finally hail the king Aaron and the dragons, that are not going to be queens:) as usual blue continues to be the King advisor:)Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2020
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Wow, finally hail the king Aaron and the dragons, that are not going to be queens:) as usual blue continues to be the King advisor:)Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2020
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Thanks. The dragons are going to make sure Aaron's life doesn't get dull!
