Comment from Swtdreamz

Excellent

I think to relate
Later! Wink it now somehow- wink it or wing it- whatever works

'Oh here,' trust my heart.
'Summon day' comes, where is that?- summon day...?

Re-vow, shame! Daily show loses most!- the for some reason reminds me of a cabaret or broadway
good job

 Comment Written 31-May-2006

Comment from Senyai

Excellent

Memory falters, forgetting past thoughts, we lose the stuff of today. Am I close, ALLCREATOR? I thought your rhythm was great and your sentiment was something to think over. Well done.

all the best,
Senyai

 Comment Written 30-May-2006

Comment from mayflowerbg

Good

As I read some of the comments, people cannot figure out most of the poem, especially the last line. So I think I get it, just think, not sure. According to me you mean that it is our everyday life we are responsible for, and when ''Summon day' comes' (no matter religious or not) our lives will be judged for our 'Daily show ', and it's a shame to vow or re-vow if we wink at our everyday duties or try to 'relate later'.
The last line isn't of 7 syllables; in fact I counted them to be 9.
Re-vow, shame! Daily show loses most!
-1----2-------3--------4---5----6----7---8----9---.
Daily /deili/.
Loses /lu:ziz/.
If it is not a tanka, it's OK, but you promoted it as a tanka.

 Comment Written 30-May-2006

Comment from Allison F.

Needs Improvement

I am, again, totally lost. Do you mean wing it? I have never heard the expression wink it. I've heard wing it, though. Again, I think you need to toss the form out the window and just write whatever it is you're trying to convey. Daily show loses most? What exactly does this mean? I'm sure you understand what you are trying to say but what about the reader? Fitting words into syllable counts is great but it has to make sense, too. I don't mean to be harsh but this just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

 Comment Written 30-May-2006

Comment from Mrs Jones

Good

It is not as though I have not tried. I really could not fathom this one out. We must either be on a different plane or I am out of it.

Cheers
Rose

 Comment Written 30-May-2006

Comment from Doreen Dulally

Excellent

I gave you five stars..Because you are a recognized writer

you said in profile............... Write 'why' and 'what' that you did not understand.

I do understand you have lots of friends

I don't understand the poem..So hands up and confesses my ignorance

All I understand is ...[wink] .. I'M NOT BEING RUDE

They reckon you learn here to ... And that's the reason for my review

 Comment Written 30-May-2006

Comment from rl dubour

Excellent

Really! Another short but full imagery this is true each day we go and the greatest loss of all we pay no attention too, Is that second that just went by for we well never get that second back, have we used our seconds wisely? As man rushes here an there and not realizing they are rushing towards that final day. Excellent work Ron

 Comment Written 30-May-2006

Comment from Snitz

Excellent

Hey,
You know, I really liked this write. I never would have thought it was about the subject that you expressed in your authors notes. Though you get across its intent, my first impression was not even close to your meaning. And to be honest.. I liked my interpretation best...lol.. Not that I am right.

I loved the opening line. "I think to relate" and over all , I truly thought this poem was about interactions and relationships between people, not objects.

Great read! Snitz

 Comment Written 29-May-2006

Comment from drivenbackward

Good

I read this poem a few times and I really appreciate writing with deep meaning, but I'm still unable to completely figure it out. What is the last line in reference to?

 Comment Written 29-May-2006

Comment from ScarletAffliction

Good

This one didn't go as well for me. I really really really tried!!! I feel so left in the dark on this one and it's a little unsettling. I normally can pull metaphors and symbolism straight out of a hat. :((

Melissa

 Comment Written 29-May-2006